The FailDance

So here's the setup. we go to Rollerderby at the DC Armory. And it is very much what i expect it to be. Redneck like punk rockers and Rockabillies. Some Bohemian types thrown in. most of the music playing during the bout is the same.

Then, during Halftime, this group...

brownmonkeymusic.com plays. listen. theyre not called brown monkey music. theyre actually called brownmonkeymusic.com, they named theyre group an internet URL. how's that for street cred? At any rate, this suti comes out to introduce them but doenst leave the performance area. he then proceeds to do what i call
"theFailDance"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc_7Q4GQSE8


Its pretty absurd, but whats more than that is afetr the performance, he leaves the "stage" and removes his shades... as if it was part of his "cool" persona or something.


Guys in suits who cant dance=bad hype men

Read more...

Comrades in Parody

It seems that we have comrades across the pond. And not only that, but they represent something very close to our hearts--an Irish pub band. Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys have burst onto the international scene by grabbing public attention and humping it into submission with their hit song, "No One's as Irish as Barack O'Bama." I thought that as mutual fans of children's literature parody, we could give them a shout out on our humble blog. So we lift our pints to you Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys! May your bottoms never be dry!!

Read more...

Princess Leia and me

I am writing this blog because no one has believed me, even though Ramona will corroborate my story.

In 1977 on million nerds fell in love. It was all due to one very nerdy movie called "Star Wars" and a beautiful young actress named Carrie fisher. It was three months until I'd be born. Carrie Fisher was 19. I speak of 1977 "Star Wars" Carie Fisher, not 1985 "Return of the Jedi" Carrie Fisher. I understand the fascination with the gold salve girl bikini.

In 1982 i was 5 years old. it was the first time I had seen Star wars. it was the channel 11 movie of the week. and it was awesome. i fell in Love with the cherubic Princess LeiaOrgana, with her full red lips and big coffee brown eyes. I gave her a pass on the silly British accent. By the time Jedi came out, and the salve girl thing with Jabba, I still loved her, though, was sad they went the sexy route, instead of super-cute cherub princess. but true love lasts...as we shall soon learn

fast forward to 20 years. I'm in DC and my girlfriend Ramona asks if i like "when harry met sally", I admit that I have not and we watch it. There she is: expertly slipped in between all the Billy Crystal Meg Ryan talking is my love, Carrie fisher. A bit older but then again, so am I. When Harry met Sally instantly rises into my top five movies. Ramona then tells me about Postcards from the edge. the movie adaptation of an autobiographic-like book by Carrie Fisher. i admit that i have seen parts, but don't really know the whole thing. We watch it, and It rises to just below when harry met sally on my list of favorites.

fast forward 3 years more. My 31st birthday. For my present Ramona presents me with two tickets to "Wishful Drinking", a one woman show written by Carrie Fisher. Essentially it will be postcards from the edge minus Meryl Streep I am told. I'm in for it, we have awesome seats, probably four rows back at the Lincoln Theatre in DC. I have an aisle seat and clear view of the stage.

The curtain rises. there she is. Perhaps older, but hten again, so am I. not 30 yards away stands my crush from when i was only 5 years old. 26 years later and truly, I still have a crush on her. The show, has lots of audience participation, and it is hilarious. If you get a chance to EVER see it, you must.

Just before the 1st act ends, the schpiel is about George Lucas owning her likeness. All the things of which she has been made into. Shampoo bottles, soaps, dolls, and Pez dispensers. Then she brings out the creme de la creme. the Princess Leia Sex doll. the jokes are hilarious. much about go fucking herself and having the ability to do so. She asks for a male volunteer. Its quiet for too long before i hear someone shout "I'll do it" and i realize it's me. I get up to walk up to the stage and i am actually having an out of body experience. I can watch myself walking up the stairs.

She says something about the silly cinnamon bun hair, that i have always loved. And that no one knows what it can be like until one has it on. a wig drops from rafters. She puts it on me. Its feels silly, but I don't care.

I get to read a card taking the house into intermission. I give her a hug and go to return to my seat. But as I hug her, I feel myself falling... She's pulling me down onto one of the couches on stage. She wraps a leg around me. Its something I have dreamed about since age 5. she kisses me full on on the lips. its truly awesome. the curtain goes down.

backstage, she asks to take a picture and asks me if i was a star wars fan. I admit truly I am and tell her i liked Star wars Leia better than Jedi Leia. they take down my email address. I am in bliss.

during intermission people ask if i was a plant by the show.. I admit, i am just a really lucky bastard who got to meet the most ultimate crush of my life. some guy from broadwayworld.com interviews me.

back from intermission Carrie says She has some gummy boobs for me and hopes I don't have them already. I give her one last kiss and return to my seat.

On the way out, i begin to open the package before I read on the back of the box, an autograph:

"to my beloved Josh, Carrie Fisher"

I show ramona,a nd the box stays closed.

best. birthday. ever.

Thanks Baby.. Ramona... not Carrie.

Thanks to Carrie as well.

anyhow, people have told me they didn't believe cuz i had no pictures as of yet, until this weekend, when I got in my email this:

Read more...

Talking Points.. once again

Sometimes.. most times I write articles and essays in my head, but they never get written down on paper or into the computer. This is probably because most times, I have these thoughts away from paper, or my computer. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk around like pretentious writers with little voice recorders, "idea for a movie: two guys walk into a bar, after three hours of having the bartender buy him drinks, he realizes it s a gay bar. hilarity ensues"... ech, can you imagine what people like that must be? anyhow here are some things that have been on my mind for awhile and just haven't gotten around to writing:

1. where the FUCK did summer go? these kids better realize what the hell they're missing out on if they staid inside this year. when you're an adult, summer lasts for 16 days. of the two months available, you only get weekends as an adult... that means two days each. 16 days long. daaaaaamn.. talk about use it or lose it.

2. What the hell California?? I mean, I know we're not known for our awesome public transportation, but how hard can it be??? the damn train is on a track! It's kinda like the Autopia at Disneyland. you get to drive a race car, you even get to steer... until much later in life you realize the damn thing is on a track... really, how hard can it be? is there that many buttons to push on the train to make it stop? red and green right? I seen dolphins push a green button for anchovies.
idea for trains transportation: turn engineer cars into large dolphin tanks. dolphin hits large green button when he sees a green light ahead of track, hits red button when he sees a red light on track. dolphin works for anchovies, and we can charge double for the up-front seats... just like Sea-World.

3. Bailing out wall street? really? these are the smart guys that went to college for MBAs and look down on me because I wasn't a smart kid with a wealthy family? and my tax dollars are keeping these fools in business? bullshit man. In the real world, where real Americans live, we get fired when we fuck up at our jobs. When I cant pay the bills, they shut off the phone. If I cant pay the rent, I become homeless.
btw, it kind of puts things into perspective when you think about it... a banker walking around in New York basically begging for billions to keep him in business standing next to homeless guy asking for some spare change to get a burger.
Who are you looking down on now?

4. Politics- I want change.. real actual change. and I'm not talking just change of policy. I'm talking about real actual change in how politics in America works. I think Obama started off right, by being the man for real change... but more and more he sounds like every politician that came before him.
"I'm not This guy, The guy running against me is alot LIKE This guy, so vote for me."
Obama had an opportunity to be for actual political change in America. McCain is playing the politics game as well, and its clear that i dont wan to vote for either.
I think its clear Americans are sick of how politics are conducted in this country, and I'm pretty sure EVERYONE in congress is out of touch because its pretty much business as usual in the alabaster city on the hill.

5. National baseball- i needed to end on a light note.Well, yea r four here in Dc and they have gotten worse. At the time of this article, our Natties are close to the dubious dishonor of 100 loss season. People say we were plagued by poor players and injuries. Hogwash. LA Dodgers just clinched their division. we swept them when they came to DC, and it was convincing wins as well. I was at the game where the NAtties scored 11 run and held the dodgers to just 2 runs. I think whats killing my natties, besides injuries is bad management. Jim Bowden traded away the best pitcher in Jon rauch for near next to nothing. We couldn't sign our 1st round draft pick. we seem to give away good players for peanuts and make useless deals. I will say That Guzman signing was good because he has finally turned into the player they thought they were getting from Minnesota. and our All-Star as well. I don't understand the prices at Nationals Ball park. I understand league average prices... but i also understand our team is the worst team in baseball. I KNOW people only go to the games to see the other team play most of the time. So if you have the most less than average team, should youre prices be the most less than average? seriously, 5 dollar tickets next year. you fuckers are making it hard to be a fan.
OH YEAAH??? whats this shit about you guys not wanting to pay youre rent??? Fuck you LERNER. The people of DC paid for that thing and you owe us big. It's not like youre an American institution like the Yanks, Red Sox, Dodgers, or Cubs. It's not youre stadium. It's mine. so pay the fucking rent and give me cheap seats ya dick, or we're taking the AMTRAK to Camden next year.

That is all. carry-on

Read more...

Sarah Palin is hot

OK, this is about as political as I'd like for my posts to get.

Is it just me, or is McCain's VP pick kinda MILF-ish looking? At the very least she definitely has the sexy librarian look going when you see that picture of her in red wearing glasses.

That's right, i said the potential VP is HOT looking. Like Nicholosn said...
"There's nothing sexier than a woman you have to salute int he morning."


The fact that she's the governor of the place where all the oil in America is adds to her sexiness. Imagine: you want to drill for oil. The vice says "how bout my backyard? we got tons"
sexy.
All outdoorsy and shit. She lives in Alaska, so of course she fishes. chicks fishing.
sexy.
Then as I'm listening to the guy on CNN..."She's a card carrying member of the NRA... she owns guns.." That lady with a gun?!
sexy.
And you know, because of the cold she probably snowskis...
the VP is gonna be a sexy snowbunny.
sexy.

Read more...

Appreciated, but still odd

According to the trusty Washington Post, Hayden Panettiere of Heroes fame has joined the cause of Washington DC voting rights. The teenage star appeared at a voting rights luncheon organized by "shadow" congressmen and was quoted as saying,

"There are no words to describe how incomprehensible it is to me that American citizens who live in Washington, D.C., our nation's capital, have no voting representation in Congress or the Senate. All citizens living in other capitals of democratic countries around the world have representations, but not here in the United States.

"It is literally taxation without representation, and isn't that what started the American Revolution in the first place? [Was she being rhetorical or did she really not know?] Representation is the right of every American, so please join me in supporting Washington's right to vote."

I'm sure the citizens of DC appreciate Ms. Panettiere's support, but it just seems like such an obscure cause. Apparently Betty White has the animal rescue racket cornered.

Read more...

Pink eye

Having pink eye in general sucks.

Having pink eye on your hard-earned, much-deserved vacation really sucks.

I just wanted to throw that out there.

Read more...

Musing from a Southeast Market

I needed to go to my local Safeway to get some foods stuffs and with my little basket I enter the 15 items or less line. Then I notice that the couple in front of me is buying 5 large bottles of Crisco vegetable oil—and that’s it! While my mind was reeling with snap judgments and the beginnings of inappropriate theories, it got better. They pulled out a raincheck! Not only did they buy 5 large bottles of vegetable oil, but they planned to do it once but were rebuffed and then made a special trip later to complete the purchase. Bargain bulk vegetable oil. Awesome.

Red, are rainchecks in your coupon mom arsenal?

Then as I placed my groceries on the conveyer belt I heard the check out girl say, “Ouch, what is that?” I reply, “Ya, that’s an artichoke, it has thorns.” Granted I’ve been lucky enough to experience a variety of foods in my lifetime, but c’mon man, you work in a grocery store! Artichokes aren’t THAT exotic. I guess the worldly and sophisticated clerks are across the street at the Harris Teeter.

Read more...

What I learned from Couponmom.com

For those of you not in the world of discount or affordable family grocery shopping, let me clue you in to a new internet phenomenon--coupon websites. Couponmom.com is one of the leading coupon mega-sites around and due to the depression "faltering economy" its membership has been growing every day. The founder of this website took her personal shopping habits and uploaded them online for others to learn from her secrets. Essentially the woman cuts every coupon she can. She buys 3-4 Sunday papers, uses in-store flyers, and downloads some off the internet. Then she takes the grocery store mailers that tells you all the specials for that week and cross references her substantial list of coupons to that sales flyer. She mostly buys food that has a coupon AND is also on sale. She checks out the mailers from 3-4 local grocers plus CVS, Costco, Sam's club, ect. She manages to feed her family of 4 on under $80 a week--that includes packing lunches for all 4 members--it also includes toiletries and cleaning supplies! To give you some reference, a good week for me is one that I can keep my grocery bill under $175.

Her website cross references all that information into a printable list for crazy coupon maniacs similar to herself, but it still requires some research on your part.

Her method is meticulous, time consuming, and strategically difficult. While I do not have the time necessary to lodge a full assault on the soaring price of Cap't Crunch, I do have a bit of "me" time I can devote to coupon cutting, deal scouring, and menu planning.

However. My foray into the world of coupons was a frustrating disaster. The first week I was pretty proud of myself. Using the food in the pantry and a smart menu plan, my coupons and I got our weekly bill down to $125. Not bad.

But the next week, I delved in a bit more and tried for the super bargains. I spent an hour on Sunday getting myself prepared for my Monday grocery shopping only to realize the true bargain hunters get the early advanced Sunday paper and read the Thursday mailers. SO by Monday afternoon that "Buy one Get one Free" bottle of Lysol Spray Disinfectant Bathroom Cleaner, with a .35$ coupon (doubled!) was cleared off the shelf. In visible dismay I even asked the man in the coveralls if there were any more in the back (there wasn't). With complaining child in tow, I rush to the next bargain. WHEW. Chewy brand Low-Fat Granola Bars are still there, albeit the delicious Dark Chocolate Cherry ones are gone. Still, 2 boxes for $2.89 ain't bad. I ended up passing up the food I normally buy to search for discounts on things I maybe don't need (How long will it take me to get through those 2 bottles of bathroom cleaner anyway?) I left the grocery store with weird items, nothing for dinner, and a paucity of fruit and veggies for $130. I need to go back today to purchase all the things that I forgot in my frustration and confusion of flipping through the mound of (unorganized) coupons.

So what have I learned?
Cutting coupons, planning menus, and going for deep discounts are a waste of time for a young 20-something college student.

Although... I'm still closing the office door on Sundays for 2 hours and telling the family I'm busy.





ps. that lady that founded Couponmom.com? Her website now rakes in over 6 figures a year.

Read more...

Words of Wisdom

Its been said before, but I'll say it again...Unless you are absolutely, 100%, couldn't be more sure, positive, and certifiably insane, don't have kids.
They ruin your sex life,
They ask you strange and awkward questions,
They are filled, just brimming with germs and sickness,
They are insolent,
They are conniving,
They are expensive as all hell,
They are time consuming,
They exhaust you with their energy,
They looove to argue,
They are actually pretty funny,
They are inquisitive and come up with some damn good questions,
They are silly and make you smile,
They like hugs more then money,
They just want to please you,
Riding their bikes makes them ridiculously happy,
So does blowing bubbles,
They have endless rivers of creativity,

Ah. Hell. Have kids, but wait till your older.
:)

Read more...

What a year it's been...

This one's short and sweet. Yesterday not only marked the 238th anniversary of our nation, but also it has officially been one year since I met the NancyDrews and the Pardyboyz at Fudge and Ramona's Independence Day party last year. What a year it's been! I've had a blast over the past year and am grateful for all of you taking me in! Here's to years of great fun and friendship ahead! Cheers!

Read more...

Classic Natty Boh Commercials

Snappy jingle

Read more...

My Locker at Work

In high school I had all my necessary items in my locker. When I got out of high school I found that my locker had been replaced with my car, leaving all my crap in the backseat and center console. Now that I am part of the good old American work force I find that my desk drawer now houses all the things I need to survive in this dog eat dog world. The contents of my desk drawer are what gets me through the day.

And to give insight into what I need in order to function at work, here (in no particular order) are the contents of my desk drawer: 3 kinds of lotion, hand sanitizer, a Bert's Bees travel pack full of balms and salves, advil, cough drops, vitamins, Airborne (for those days when I need a pick me up), baggies of crunchy snacks that have not been eaten during the designated lunch period, a multitude of splenda packs pilfered from my building's cafeteria, plastic spoons (for yogurt in the morning and pudding snacks in the afternoon) also pilfered from the cafeteria, tea bags (for making hot and cold tea), jelly bellys, a granola bar, napkins, oatmeal, and a bag of microwavable popcorn.

Stop judging me, you've got your hiding place of necessary crap too.

Read more...

Trouble in Paradise

So after my post warning about some of these guys the Nats have signed this season it looks like Elijah Dukes is the first out of the gate with serious attitude problems. Will be interesting to see if this is just an isolated incident or if there are serious troubles ahead with team chemistry.

Read more...

Yet again I give you...Fox News

Fair and balanced, remember.

EDIT: The link to the full story

Read more...

They Are Our Future

Developing instinct regarding school work.


more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog

Read more...

Fat Finger re-directs

Well, here's a good reason to double-check you're URL's before hitting "ENTER" and proceeding to a website:
http://pardyboyz.blogpsot.com/

Quite frankly, I'm far more surprised that pardyboyz.blogpsot wasn;t soemthing a bit more... party-ier. at least it's not pron, and at least it's not something that'll get my clearance revoked. I just thought it rather odd that an online-bible college and this blog have almost the same URL. Almost like the argument for Whitehouse.gov and Whitehouse.com
anyhow, it jus goes to show you should double check your stuffs. that is all.

Read more...

WAKA Kickball...Greek Life for the post-grad?

I was discussing my kickball comittments and activities with some of my fellow hill-rats when the discussion led me to wonder...is WAKA kickball (and other kickball leagues) just a way for those of us who have left our undergraduate fraternity/sorority days behind to continue to partake in the festivities of this "Greek" tradition found in many of our American colleges and universities.

Now, I'll admit right off the bat, coming from a four-pillared Catholic college in Kansas (those four pillars being Catholic, Liberal Arts, Residential, and Benedictine), I did not experience any of the Greek traditions as Benedictine was a school small enough that the Greek life did not develop there. Therefore, posting this blog will hopefully leave both the author and the readers with a little more insight. Additionally, I would like to thank the wonderful people at Wikipedia--I need to give credit where credit is due.

First, while there are many functions that the fraternity and sorority may do, the main purpose is a social organization. Isn't that the whole point of kickball? To win, to have fun with your friends on your team, while making new friends through games, flip cup, the various social events, and of course, let's not forget the weekly newsletter (um, hello missed connections section for those who didn't socialize to their own satisfaction). Who needs keggers when you have two parties with an open bar?

Next, wikipedia tells me that most frats and sororities have a name, usually Greek symbols, that can have some sort of secret meaning or history. Can anyone think of a better example than Nancy Drews and the Pardyboyz? How many know the meaning and history of the name without being one of said group or reading an earlier post from Superfudge (suggestion to new readers of this blog--search and read Superfudge's blog, heck, read them all and then go tell your friends to read them!)

Carrying on. The Philanthropy. Most Greek organizations have a chartible organization that they work closely with. Each WAKA kickball division has a charity that the division uses social events (see first point) to benefit our charity, Bright Beginnings, a program that works with homeless children. Proceeds from events such as point-of-season parties, Trivia night, the KickBALL all help this much-needed effort.

Ahhh...and here comes a favorite point of mine. The insignia. Wikipedia says that many frats and sororities carry a symbol--something that lets people know who they are. Now, anyone who keeps in touch with the members of the Nancy Drews and the Pardyboyz will know that we've developed quite a line past the dark grey shirts that we wore in dodgeball and the lighter grey shirts we don every Saturday for WAKA. Superfudge has designed multiple hats proudly bearing the NDPB logo. And even our blog has developed into what is now the official NDPB logo.

Last, but not least, I'm going to touch on the initiation aspect of Greek life. Pledge week as it is known by many. Many great collegiate movies in cinematic history illustrate the joys brought by this week. Animal House and Old School are just to name a few. I'm not going to describe the scenes that I'm referring to. These are classic American comedic films. Go rent them--scratch that--buy them and add them to your collection. Then come back and you can nod your head in aggreement here because you'll know what I'm talking about. Pledging to the fraternity or sorority of your choice is your chance to prove loyalty. While, I'm not sure what it takes to be a part of other kickball teams or even our team--not that much--all we ask for is you sign up on the website and show up to games--but to be a part of NDPB. In just a month, it'll have been one year since I met the NDPB's. It's tough--you gotta be able to roll with the punches. But with the punches come great times, fun to be had, and friends for a lifetime--again--you can read more into this on a previous blog (HINT--CHECK OUT OUR OTHER BLOGS!).

So, ladies and gents. For those of you, like me, who missed out on the glory days of that frat life or sorority-hood, fear not. There's still another chance--we're just able to do it a little bit older and a little bit wiser.

Read more...

National Mall a National Disgrace?

So there is an article in todays Examiner about DCs delegate to congress (non voting member of course) spoke about how the current state of the national mall is pitiful and needs $500 million in repairs and renovations.

As one who frequents the national mall on a somewhat regular basis for kickball amongst other things I have to say I couldn't agree more that the current state of the national mall is nothing short of embarrassing. I'm not sure it presents the best image of America to visitors both foreign and domestic when they see the torn up lawn that is mostly dirt holes with a few sparse patches of grass here and there, the cracked and uneven sidewalks, and the fetid reflecting pools that are just gigantic breeding grounds for mosquitoes and lined with pollen and trash. So there is no doubt, in my mind at least, that the national mall needs some serious sprucing up. However, I am fairly certain that it should not cost $500 million to re sod the grass, repave and fix the concrete sidewalks and to drain, clean and install proper reflecting pools that support good waterflow. That seems a little bit excessive for what should really be just a facelift. Of course, as with everything here in Washington, nothing is what it seems on the surface.

Looking more into the $500 million dollar proposal, it would appear that they don't just want a good scrubbing of the mall, they want to totally redo it. They want to add areas for restaurants, attractions and other such touristy type amenities that I personally believe at best are totally unnecessary and at worst contradictory to the very ideas of what the National Mall is supposed to be about. It is supposed to be a wide open, pastoral place in which to reflect on the country and to gather in the shadows of the great monuments. Not a place to grab lunch and catch a movie, it really would take away from the gravitas that a place like the National Mall is supposed to have.

So yes, lets clean the place up, in its current state it is an embarrassment to the city and the nation but lets just leave it at that, I really dont want to be playing my next game of kickball in the shadows of the Washington Monument, Capitol Building and the Golden Arches of McDonalds.

Read more...

Chinese Conspiracy

China, for a long time has a long history of human rights violations. It has a national policy of infanticide for families with More than one child. It sent us toys with lead in it. It sent us Pet food with poison. The museum exhibit "bodies" has been rumored to be made up of Chinese political prisoners. The overall blocking of Internet access and outside communication is well known. Being kidnapped by Chinese police in the dark of night and taken to secret prisons for speaking out about Chinese atrocities is well known. We all saw tanks rolling over students in Tianamen Square. Thanks to the Beastie Boys and Richard Gere, America cares about Tibet.
After The Olympic torch relays began, the world saw an unprecedented displays against the host country. I don't think I've seen any protest pictures or media from the Olympics in Nazi Germany. That tells you how fucked this situation is.
So the world was basically pissed off at China with no end in sight.So they decide to take the torch up Everest. They shut down the Tibetan side, and ask Nepal to shut down their side of the summit as well. Effectively ending the climbing season, which means no money for Sherpas, and Tibetans who make more of their income off of adventure tourism than anything else. Their video of the torch at the summit of Everest is suspect. Most electronic gear freezes and becomes ineffective; but they seem to have great actual video footage, hmm...
So through all the scandal, people are all about hating China.
Then they get hit with a 7.9 earthquake.For those of you who don't know the Richter scale: the Northridge earthquakes that devastated most of Los Angeles was only a 6-ish type of earthquake. 7.0 is usually considered "total destruction". 7.9 is probably "Apocalypse". Now we have people caring about China, and totally forgetting all their atrocities they have committed. The conversation now when it comes to China is about suffering and earthquake relief. Not anger and boycotting of the games.
I believe China turned its own WMDs against it's own people. Of course I'm talking about the Evil Communist Earthquake Machine. Also known as the "Red Dragon". China, desperate to turn attention away from aforementioned human rights abuses, has used a machine more evil than the BOMB on its own people. This effectively makes China able to show the world that they, unlike Burma, cares about its people and will do anything to give support and accept relief and aid from the outside world.
Well played China, Well played.

Read more...

I Love Making Fun of Him

As most people who know me are aware I have an intense dislike for Fox News and especially it's hack commentators like Sean Hannity and especially Bill O'Reilly. I'm sure most people have seen this since its been all over the web but in case you havent here is Bill O's meltdown from Inside Edition a bunch of years back. Quite funny, goes in the meltdown hall of fame.

Read more...

Stop sucking DC!

DC Sporting teams suck.
What's worse is DC fans who believe that each of their respective teams are going to win it all each and every season for each respective sport. What's worse than that? That those same fans are the ones who will call for coach's firings, roster changes, and who will overnight, change team allegiance to any given Baltimore team (unless of course said Baltimore team is sucking worse).
Redskins, Wizards, Capitals, and DC United all made it to the playoff tournaments for their respective leagues. Even Georgetown left the NCAA tournament rather early for being such a highly ranked team. All Blew it by making boneheaded mistakes and pretty much taking the day off in crucial situations. This seems to me to be Modus Operandi for DC Sports teams.
I am instantly reminded of Mother's Day at Nationals Park (which is looking for corporate sponsors... which means they'll rename it after some big business... Don't get me started).
Shawn Hill Goes deep into the Seventh inning, Aaron boone misses out on only a double to hit for cycle, no fielding errors, and except for some missed double plays by Ronnie Belliard at Second base, they played an overall excellent game against a Surging Florida Marlins team on a six game streak, for six innings. Problme is; baseball games last nine. So after a very refreshing Miller lite and seventh inning stretch Luis Ayala gets comes in in the eigth for the setup to dominating Jon Rauch. This is when i find out the this mid-reliever's record is 1-2... a mid reliever has a 1-2 record? This pretty much means at least twice this guy has been called in for either the setup or save, and he gave it up. After i come up with this realization, Florida ties the game with back-to-back homers to Centerfield, which means they pretty much hit the piss out of the ball.
I recall screaming for the Nats to stop sucking. no such relief is given.
After a verrry long inning, Rauch comes in to stop the bleeding, and the Nats cometo bat with the bottom of the line up. or at least 6,7,8... pretty much not the clutch hitters you need to come back on a one run defecit. With a man on base, our hopes get high that the tying run is on, and perhaps, superior manager Manny Acta will call in some MUCH needed experience at late game hitting by someone like Dmitri Young or hell, someone with a better batting average than .000
No such luck, and we pretty much give it up. Metaphor not to be lost, just as the last out is called, the skies open up for what is a two day rain storm. God is even sad that DC sucks at Sports so badly. We are now left with the DC Divas, and DC rollergirls as our last hopes for sporting victories. With this many sports teams, the odds of accidentally winning something should have happned by now.

Read more...

Lions, Tigers, and Elephants...Oh my!

Most of you regular readers had the opportunity to meet my wonderful mother. It was a great weekend of mother-daughter bonding time. While we maintained many of our favorite family pastimes throughout the weekend (basically eating good food and having cold beer) We were able to do some of the things that is just a bit harder to do when with my dad and/or brother. Like shopping....and going to the zoo.

It was a perfect day for the zoo. Sunny, about 85 degrees, and no humidity. We enjoyed the many exhibits and were taken aback by one in particular. We were in the elephant house when the oldest and, as we came to realize, male elephant relieved himself and we saw...the elephant penis.

Now, I grew up on a farm. Farm animal anatomy is nothing surprising to me. A fact of life. But this, I admit, caught me off guard. It would not be too much of an exaggeration to compare this appendage to a 5th leg. I then thought that I have only seen female elephants (which is possible, I mean, really, how many elephants does someone from the middle of nowhere really see in her life?). Even stranger was after it was done peeing, somehow, it retracted back into the elephant, leaving the elephant to seemingly appear without a sex.

After the elephants, we completed the excursion that is of the National Zoo and ended the afternoon with Ramona at a familiar bar. It is at this time that I was considering whether or not that this should be my latest post on the Pardyboyz blog. I also considered asking what Ramona thought, but ultimately decided that it was not something you discuss in front of your mother...even when you both saw the feat. However, it was this that surprised me, before I had completed my pondering, one of the first things my mom tells Ramona is about the Elephant Penis, catching me even more off guard than when I first saw the thing.

Now, I understand that this isn't a blog you'd expect...at least frome me! And I'm not quite sure how to end this...but let's try with a piece of advice. For those of you who like to get into a pissing contest with someone (you know, aka one-upping), don't challenge the elephant.

Read more...

Oh the things you can learn whilst riding the metro

Anyone will tell you, there's book smarts and then there's street smarts. My friends from the mid-west might only have the former, my neighbors in southeast might only have the latter. Of course you don't have to live in southeast to gain street smarts, all you have to do is ride the metro.

Today I sat in on a lecture, which in true crazy guy rant form, was very informative. He wasn't talking to anyone in particular, just talking loud enough so those in his immediate area could take mental notes. Apparently, if I went to church on Sunday with this gentleman on Sunday I would hear the same types of ideas spouted by Rev. Jeremiah Wright. And not only that, I wouldn't hear anything that wasn't true. This professor emeritus of the school of life was outraged that Barack Obama had to apologize for his pastor and cut all ties to him while Hillary Clinton could get elected and have Bill Clinton "doing the business of the nation while some woman is under his desk with her lips on his private parts going [insert sound effects here] ."

The final tidbit that this public transit orator left me with before he got off at Potomac Ave. (southeast!) was that this country is ran by a certain country soon celebrating its 60th anniversary. Then he wished us all a good day and left as quickly as he had arrived.

This metro soap boxer and I may have differing opinions, but the take home lesson here dear urban students is to never ignore a crazy guy rant--it'll make the metro ride home much more entertaining.

Read more...

Poor Mario + Bonus Toons

Read more...

The Unfriendly Skies

After reading about American Airlines grounding 3,000 flights and having recently been subject to the pain and horrors of having a flight cancelled I couldn’t help but wonder to myself how we can get air travel so wrong? It seems almost every day if you open up the green section of the USA Today you will read about some airline filing for bankruptcy, hiking fares, merging, or other usually negative financial news. At the same time you will hardly ever find a frequent flyer who has anything nice to say about the status of the American airline industry. It seems to be a broken system.

I actually found out an interesting fact the other day and the more I thought about the more I realized that it is true, only American airline companies are allowed to fly between American cities. I suppose I commend the idea behind this, but the simple fact is American airline companies can't get it right and foreign airlines do. I was looking up reviewers rankings of worldwide airlines and it turns out there is only 1 American airline (JetBlue) that shows up as either a 4 or 5 star rated airline, the rest are foreign airlines. So it's not as if it can't be done. We need to open up the country for foreign competition, we allow it in everything else. Why are we so concerned with only American airlines flying around the country, yet we don't care about the manufacturing jobs that are outsourced all over the place, or foreign automobiles that almost dominate the market right now? It makes no sense to say on one hand we need to protect the American airlines, yet allow every other industry to open it's doors and bring in foreign competition.

Yet another questionable practice that I have noticed is the fact the government has continually bailed out failed airlines. Almost all the American air carriers have continually been bailed out of their own financial mismanagements. United, Continental (twice), and Delta have all declared bankruptcy only to have the federal government assist in their recovery. It's ridiculous to claim a free market economy when the government rewards poor business by allowing the company to stay in business.

Airline travel in this country is nightmare and the management of US airlines is atrocious. We need to allow for foreign competition the same way we do in almost any other industry in the country and let the market decide who fails and who lives. That’s the American way, not the way it has been going. Until that happens it looks like we’ll be stuck with poor service, cancelled flights, and jets that are falling apart.

Read more...

The Truth

Read more...

They Are Stealing my Childhood!

Professional sports has always been a rather shady and difficult business. A pro sports team to residents of a city is looked at as something that is theirs, an institution that belongs to the city in which I plays in. The owners of these teams often don’t think that way, they are in the city that they are in because it is most beneficial to their bottom line (most of the time). So there is always that sense of community, history and civic pride that comes from these teams yet always, somewhere there is that uneasiness that an owner will decide he can make more money by moving the team elsewhere. Sometimes its well deserved. Vancouver was never an NBA city, Montreal never really supported the Expos, Los Angeles long ago gave up caring about the Rams or Raiders when they skipped town. However, sometimes it’s just wrong when a team moves. I felt bad for Cleveland when their owner decided to take the team to Baltimore, a city which had also suffered an unjust move.

In Seattle we always have had to deal with the threat of owners hijacking the city for new arenas and stadiums forever. Ken Behring had the moving vans packed and ready to take the Seahawks to Los Angeles until Paul Allen came in and saved the day. The Mariners as well were on the cusp of being moved to Tampa Bay until they made a miracle playoff run and the city decided to build what is now Safeco Field and the Nintendo corporation bought the team. Now it looks like the oldest pro team in town and the holders of our lone championship the Seattle Supersonics are on their way out of town, a quickly growing inevitability that makes me very sad.

I realize nobody who reads this blog really cares about the NBA or even basketball in general, but for me growing up the Sonics were a team that I followed and cheered for mightily. I remember chanting “Beat LA” every time they played the hated Lakers, or the fierce rivalry games with Portland and Phoenix. Guys like Dale Ellie, the X-Man, Tom Chambers, Detlef Schrempf, Gary Payton, and Shawn Kemp were like heroes to a kid growing up in the Pacific Northwest. Now it looks like that can no longer be the case as the team has been hijacked by a bunch of oilmen from Oklahoma.

There are many people to blame for this. You can blame Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, who owned the team before and decided to knowingly sell the team to the current group of investors who always had the intention of moving the team to Okalahoma City. Even though he had local investors willing to buy the team that would ensure their future in Seattle, he took the extra 7 million bucks (on top of an already 56 million dollar profit) and betrayed the city which made his coffee empire so powerful. You can blame Clay Bennett and the group from Okalahoma City who lied and cheated their way through this by making promise after promise that they would do everything they can to try to keep the team in Seattle and that they never discussed moving the team. Lies which have since been proven by emails leaked. You can blame David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA, for allowing this to happen to a team with a 41 year history and always solid fan support and excitement, just because he is best buddies with Bennett. You can blame the government of the City of Seattle for apparently not caring enough to make an effort to keep the Sonics in town. The only people you cant blame are the fans, like me, who have cheered and supported the Sonics for as long as they have. We are the losers here, we are the ones who suffer the most from this outright theft of one of the more recognizable NBA teams.

There is currently a court battle going on for this which will be resolved in June. My hopes are not high that the Sonics will stay around. You can be sure that the moment the Sonics move to Oklahoma City that I will never watch another NBA game again.

Read more...

Guess I Didn't Get The Memo

Today was a rare beautiful day creeping out of the cold dank despair that has been winter in DC. The sun was shining, it was 75 degrees outside, cherry blossoms abound (and not just around the tidal basin), and I cheerfully had my coat hanging on my arm while I was walking from work to the metro. The afternoon was still looking up as I was standing waiting for the metro hoping that the A/C would be on in the train, and alas, it was! Then around Cleveland Park, it happened. Double wide baby strollers descended upon the metro car. Who can concentrate on their crossword puzzle with baby noises and and parent prattle. I eagerly got off at my stop and then it got loads worse. Apparently I was unaware that there was a stroller convention on the train platform. Super cushy condos Babies R Us passes off as strollers were everywhere. There they were, blocking walkways, illegally traveling on the escalator, taking up an area of 4 seats just for mommy and baby. It was a lovely day outside, baby field trips are fine, just stick to the non-peak hours. And if there is another stroller convention scheduled, I'd like advanced notice.

Read more...

Nancy Drew and the Pardy Boyz Kickball Season Preview

This Saturday Nancy Drew & The Pardy Boyz will return to the kicking diamond for another Spring season of WAKA kickball. After a surprising final four finish last season that sent shockwaves through the kickball community, NB+PB looks to build on that success.

It has been a roller coaster offseason for the Pardy Boyz. A season ending injury has sidelined one of the top catchers from last year and many others announced that they would not be returning this season. However, some of the key players from last seasons final four team are returning to the club. A uniform change was also announced at a press conference over the winter and merchandise sales have been through the roof as fans look to get outfitted in their favorite replica Superfudge t-shirts.

Many young, new players will be donning the gray this season including this blogs very own Harriet the Spy. The ND+PD are going to need big production out of these new members if they hope to replicate last seasons success. It is unknown at this time which of the young rookies will stand out and which are more suited to be playing AA ball down in Richmond.

The infield looks to be solid this year as 3 of the 4 golden hands winning infielders return to duty. With the loss of last years shortstop however the Pardy Boyz will be looking for new blood to fill that very key role.

In the outfield it is a mix of key veterans and new rookies anxious to prove themselves. Anchoring the outfield this season is Superfudge who will be looking to adjust to a new position after serving as a utility player last season. Ramona Quimby returns to her familiar position in right field bringing much needed experience and wisdom to that slot.

At the mound and behind the plate the loss of workhorse Maniac McGee will put the pressure on Harold and his Purple Crayon to give big innings to the Pardy Boyz. Also with possible new catcher Harriet The Spy behind the plate, it could very well cause for some early season communication problems between pitcher and catcher.

At the flipcup table things are looking poor for Nancy Drew and the Pardy Boyz. With most of last years consistent flipcup players leaving it leaves a big question mark on the ability of ND+PB to field a competitive team at the table. We can only hope that a new star will rise from the bottom and bring honor upon the ND+PB name. Otherwise it may be an embarrassing year for the boyz in gray at the table.

All in all it looks to be an interesting and certainly unpredictable year for your Nancy Drew and the Pardy Boyz team. Will last years veteran players be able to inspire the new crop of young and hungry rookies? Will the loss of almost the entire flipcup team be too mucg to overcome? These questions and more will be answered this Saturday at the National Mall with a 1:30 first pitch time. Come see your hometown team in action!

Read more...

Poor Lonely Jon (Arbuckle)

Ever wonder what life would be like without your best pal? Enter the world of Jon Arbuckle's dark, twisted loneliness:

If you don't have the Pardy Boyz, you're just Nancy Drew attempting to solve the case of the missing tapestries by yourself. Screw the tapestries, go hang out with your friends...odds are Superfudge stole them anyways :)

For more of Jon's schizophrenic despair: http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/

Read more...

Absolutly

I am a brown man. Well, OK, I am half a brown man. Lately, I have been reading Hispanic literature; in English. See, i grew up int he white suburbs of Los Angeles, but i am inf act Mexican. I do not speak espanol. Maybe un poquito. Lately, I think because of all the attention immigrants, and more specifically Hispanics have been getting in the media, I have been reading books by Hispanic authors about the Hispanic experience in America.

side note: is it not odd that we segregate books in book stores and libraries by ethnicity, but say only through education can we rid our society of such evils?

I started with HISPANIC. It's a good book besides the fact it's written by Geraldo, who I think can sound like a quack at times. It is interesting because it addresses what I have been saying about news commentators, and those who oppose immigration. That lately, its seems ok to be blatantly racist towards Hispanics. However, if one was to say the things that some have been saying on both CNN and FOXnews about blacks, or Jews, you'd get the Anti-defamation league, the NAACP, and Al Sharpton on your ass. For some reason though, its OK to say anything about Hispanics no matter how overtly racist it is. Please see many of my other blogs on this subject.

Recently, it has come to light about this ad from Absolut vodka:

ABSOLUT WORLD(thanks to Ramona). this is map of north America. it is what North America may have looked like post 1848 had the Mexican American war not been fought.



Now, I thought it was hilarious. Of course I would. I have seen many of the absolut ads over the years, and I think they've got friggin geniuses working for them. On a more serious note, it proves what i also have been saying for some time: My people never crossed any fucking border. the border in fact, did cross us. It why San Fransisco is San Fransisco and not Suttertown, which following the gold rush, would surely have been. Understand that the ad only ran in Mexico. as you can see, it is all in Spanish. Any map made in Mexico would be in Spanish plain and simple. Same as how school maps here in the US are all in English. However, there are many detractors that say it is promoting illegal immigration and what some people have called Reconquista. I think it was a funny ad that played to its audience, just as many Absolut ads have done before. The fact that many people get pissed off about it is what pisses me off.
Maybe because you see an ounce of truth that in fact, US expansion in the late 19th cetury went a bit too far with your Manifest destiny. Invading sovereign lands and taking what was good, and forcing indigenous people from their homelands and then claiming you were there the whole time? It wasn't like the plains Indians started int he plains right? Illegal immigration of anglos is how that map got screwed up in the first place, all your Tuberculosis and small pox moving west to dry climates.

or maybe its just a fucking ad.

for more funny and controversial Absolut ads go here: Absolut Ad Gallery.

In he immortal words of so many who have come before me:

Fuck em if they can't take a joke.

Read more...

A soundtrack for your life.

It's been awhile since my last post. Yes, I apologize, 3 months is too long. However, tonight, is the second appearance by Harriet the Spy.

I'm simply sharing one of my (many) quirks with you. Thanks to my tax refund check, I treated myself to a new Ipod and put my old nano to rest. I now have the luxery of having a musical device that not only fits all of my eclectic collection of music but also has a battery lifespan longer than a half hour! This new device has once again, made my morning commute a little more than bearable.

Which brings me to my point. I discovered that the music I listen to definitely dictates the mood that I'll be in. There are times when I'm laying my head against the metro window with a wistful look in my eye or when I'm simply grinning like a fool. Chances are--the music in my head may have something to do with the heart that I wear so obviously on my sleave.

Have you ever put a soundtrack to your life? Have you ever thought about what songs would be playing at some pivotal point in your life? Or what songs would be playing throughout the humdrum every-day non-stop rhythm that we call our jobs (for example, Everybody's Working for the Weekend comes to mind)?

Or, here's another one of my favorite games to play. Have you ever placed yourself in music videos? Yes, I'm that lame. I'll be the first to admit. I've pictured myself as Carrie Underwood beating the heck out of a guy's car--definitely a power-girl move--an expression of anger and emotion that I could only dream of showing (mostly to fellow colleagues who have assumed the role as my smarter and wiser older brothers--none of which, they actually are!).

So, I'm going to share with you some of my exquisite taste in music and what emotions they may bring out in me or that I can relate to from the music video. Enjoy--and I encourage you to think about the soundtrack that would play to your life while giving you a little insight to mine.

I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by Scissor Sisters-- despite the title--this is one of those feel-so-good-I-want-to-dance-the-whole-walk-to-work songs. This song has put me in such a good mood that I've caught people giving me a "WTF is she so happy about at this early in the morning look!" on the metro while on my way to work. And it's that look that makes me grin even bigger!

If You Leave-- Nada Surf did an excellent cover to this song that really makes you feel the pain of saying good-bye to someone close. This is an empathy song for me. For those of you who ever watched the OC (the first season--the only good season)--there was an episode where Seth had to say good-bye to one of his very good friends. This song played in the background--and I defeinitely felt Seth's pain. And I found this song to embody all the emotions that I experienced when saying good-bye to some of my dearest friends when I graduated college.

Summer Nights--Greese Soundtrack, Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta--who hasn't sung along with this classic and envisioned themself as either Sandy or Danny? Really. 'Nough said.

Feel good summer classic.

Sweet Child of Mine--Guns and Roses. If you've played this song on Guitar Hero--everytime you hear this song YOU are now and ever will be the one playing the awesome lead melody to this rock classic.

Any song of Jack Johnson's-- summer time. beer. BBQ. poolside. good ole' r&r.

Anything by Snow Patrol-- Any female Grey's Anatomy fan has become Meredith Grey upon hearing Snow Partol's artwork.

In the Mood, Sing Sing, etc--Big Band Swing-- this easily brings me back to my freshmen and sophomore years in college jazz band when we played these dance classics of the 40's.

Island in the Sun--Weezer. Tubing down a river in the summer.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs--Fall Out Boy. Air guitar favorite of mine. Yeah, that makes for some awkward metro moments... be careful with this one in public!

Aha's Take On Me is another empathy one. If you've seen the music video, you know what I'm talking about. The part where the lead singer is trying to get out of the drawing he managed to jump into and back into the same universe as his love is heart-wrenching! You definitely need to have seen this video to know what in the world I'm talking about!

any song of Journey's--fun times at a bar with your favorite friends. Don't stop believin'!

Evil Ways--Santana. Yes. I am a band geek. I was in marching band all throughout junior high and high school. This song will always be dear to me. I was the only junior high student to play in our high school band and this was one of the first songs I ever played and one that I attribute to developing the skill needed to play the sax.

Crazy Game of Poker--OAR. Believe it or not, this song was a favorite of mine long before I ever met Harold and his fellow OAR lovers. To me, in my life's soundtrack, this song was playing during one of the few times my brother and I hung out. We were driving to my grandparents' for a family wedding and my brother played this song and sung along this song--letting down his guard and letting me see a sillier side of him that I had never seen before. It was times like this that make me very excited to hang out with him this upcoming May.

Under Pressure--Queen and David Bowie. I don't know why, but I always just feel very cool and very chill whenever I hear this song. Usually a slight head bob acompanies.

Aerosmith's Dream On--I envision myself winning a gold medal every time I hear this song. Thank you Miracle.

Any country song-- simply reminds me of the true hick that I am.

Alternative/Emo music--high school emo phase. Doesn't everyone go through one of these?

Wide Open Spaces--Dixie Chics. This song will always remind me of how short and precious life is. This song was played at the funeral of one of my high school classmate's sisters who committed suicide when she was only in 5th grade, 10 years ago this year. I still remember everything about that day and I still pray for her.

Man! I Feel Like a Woman--Shania Twain. One of my favorite primping songs. Need I say more?

Flower by Moby and 8 Mile by Eminem--these songs make me feel gangsta! Word.

Fall into Me--Emerson Drive. Anything by this group puts a smile on my face. I saw them in high school and bumped into the lead singer Brad Mates in the hallway after they had opened for Trick Pony. I wouldn't mind marrying him one day. Someday. sigh....

Kiss the Girl--Little Mermaid Soundtrack. No explanation needed.

Anything by Kenny Chesney. He was the first country concert I went to.

Johnny Cash's music. Simply bad-ass.

Don't Matter--Akon. Caye Caulker, Belize, senior year spring break 2007. Best time ever.

Sugar High--Coyote Shivers, Empire Records. Yeah, I've envisioned myself as Rene' Zellwegger singing on a rooftop. You haven't?

You've Lost the Lovin' Feelin'--The Righteous Brothers. What girl doesn't want to be seranaded to with this song by a bunch of guys? Really.

Everything else by OAR--carrides with Harold, Raggedy Ann, Superfudge, and Ramona

Brad Paisley's Online-- band geek--while this does not, I repeat--DOES NOT--represent me. I love the marching band references to this song. I can always be caught laughing to this song because we all know someone who this song can refer to!

Home--both Daughtry's and Michael Buble's versons can make me so homesick. If I were in this video, it would have me running off the plane only to see beautiful fields of corn in my beloved Iowa.

Same Mistake--James Blunt. I really can't explain what this song makes me feel, but it does make me FEEL.

Does that make sense?

Rockin' the Suburbs'--Ben Folds. I know. I can hear you saying "Really? Really?" But yes. This is my FAVORITE angry, Harriet's pissed off song. When I'm that angry--this is the best way to drop an F bomp. At least do it to music.

Ok. If you stuck around and read all of this, major props to you. I mean, wow. I owe the lot of you an apology. This was supposed to be a taste into the insight of my musical life, if you will. I got carried away(obviously, another quirk of mine. Diarrea of the mouth--in this case, keys). Anywho. I hope you enjoyed reading at least some of this post and can appreciate my favorite songs (althought this is a very limited selection, there is more) and maybe--if you know me somewhat, or even well, you can see the connections and understand how or why I relate to them. Maybe some even make sense or explain some of my personality. Maybe. That's a big maybe. Anywho. Until next time, Buona Note.

Read more...

Beer

I hate Bud Lite but very much enjoy Budweiser and Bud Select. Miller Lite is the best of the big brewery Americans, champagne is delicious however I’m not a big fan of MGD. Coors Lite is a solid dude, but his older brother Coors is gross, the banquet beer not so much. Sam Adams regular is ok, though the Sam Adams summer brew is one of the very best beers around. Don’t much care for their other products and Sam Adams Light is one of the very worst experiences I have ever had.

I like what Pabst has done in buying out a lot of the local, cultural breweries. While you may just look like a redneck pounding Old Milwaukee’s or Milwaukee’s Best down, you feel like you have your own little culturally/historically significant brew when downing a Natty Boh or Rainier, even though the quality is the same. Of course their flagship is the blue ribbon winner and they just don’t give those away to anybody. Superfudge can write an ode to that one day perhaps.

Landshark is the best new beer on the market. Great for warm summer days at the beach. Its made by Jimmy Buffett so how can you go wrong?

Never have cared for the heavies. Strange though that I dislike Guinness and Bass independent of one another but together they are delicious in a Black & Tan. The majority of the other European beers I can’t get on board with. The Amazing Hobgoblin? Gross. Duvel? Not my thing. Heineken and Heineken Light however are excellent and especially good with steak.

Dig the Japanese beers. Dry beer is one of my niche likes. Asahi, Sapporo, Orion all great. Not a huge fan of the Chinese beers like Tsing Tao and Harbin, not really sure what they are going for with those.

Molson and Labatt’s are allright. Nothing really fantastic to say about them. Good winter brews.

The Mexican beers are almost all great with a few exceptions (Carta Blanca). Tecate, Corona, Pacifico, and Dos Equis are the best of the bunch. All however come with the special caveat that they are really best suited for drinking in the warmer months. Drinking a Corona in the middle of February just doesn’t do it for me. One notable exception to this is the Dos Equis brown bottle which is acceptable year round.

Don’t care for Red Stripe, but like the commercials. Pyramid is a great beer, especially the Heifeweizen, and its brewed in Seattle. Red Hook is also brewed in Seattle but I just don’t like it. Peroni is neither a rare and interesting Italian beer nor is it very good. Stop giving me bottle caps of it. Anchor Steam is highly overrated as is Blue Moon. Some of the Fat Tire brands are decent enough but not all. Cave Creek Chili Beer is a favorite among Fudge and Fudge alone, the Fudge stands alone. Fosters by itself is not that good, in the oil cans its great however I have received a hangover after every night drinking them so I have backed off.

My god, its Friday thank the lord.

Read more...

Talking Points

Here are soem talking points... ripped from the headlines... discuss:


1. Killer third graders. Holy shit. Kids who totally organised an uprising, assigned specific jobs to eachother, and got supplies together. Yes, it was done by third graders and it was n old busted steak knife. However, imagine what would have happened had the teacher struck one of these kids in self-defense. we'd probably be talking bout the evil teacher striking an innocent child. further, there have been several comments about whether the kids intended to do harm. Bullshit, hell yeah they did. I f the teacher had been hurt seriously we'd be asking why we ignored the signs. These are the fucked up little kids that aren't afraid of getting disciplined anymore. kids just don't care because society says they are victims. Bullshit, kids are assholes. remember when you're mom told you school wont kill you? not so anymore

2. Hillary Clinton makes "Rocky" metaphor. Is it just me? Was I the only one who watched all the movies? well, OK, i didn't watch the last one. but it does seem to me, that the story didn't end at the top of the steps in Philly. I'm pretty sure the saga went a bit further than the steps. Mickey told him to back down from Clubber Lang. The Doctor's told him to back down after the doctors told him he was all jacked up after the Drago fight. Adrienne told him not to fight Tommy"the machine" Gunn. but he never backed down. The public told Stallone, please don't screw up the franchise and make the garbage of a movie that Rocky Balboa was sure to be. And in the end, it has been widely regarded that Rocky should have quit looong before he did. So i find it Hillaryous that she just wont quit, despite what people all around are telling her. She should probably take lesson from her own metaphor, and just sit down, before she becomes some washed up punchy old wrinkled person... oh my, too late.

3. Washington Nationals are winning. completely amazing. However, i did say we would do well because of the smaller field. Especially now we have power hitters actually sitting the bench in Dmitri Young, means we have talent to go around which is good. however, I hope i wasnt the only one who noticed that a pitcher blew a 5 run lead from the 1st inning by WALKING IN A RUN! to the PHILLIES!!! the most losingest ballclub in baseball! BULLSHIT! However, dont let the one guy take all the heat. Whatthe hell are we doign losing 5-6 when we score 5 int he first inning? you telling me we could score 5 in one inning, but not ONE MORE TIME in 5 more innings??? them cats better wake the heck up, and stop resting on their laurels of the first two games. This shit better stop right the hell now, we got 100+ games to go damnit.

4. Chris Henry, is it really ALL THAT HARD to be good? youre a fricking millionare?!?!? dont throw beer bottles at kids. dont get arrested. it aint that hard, poeple do it everyday. you seem to not be able to handle the two months of vacation in between workouts and the superbowl! what a waste of talent man. you disgust me sir. complete disgust.

anyhow, i didnt have too much to talk about, but just some things i had been mulling over the next few days.

Read more...

Serious Graph

see more funny graphs

Hmm, very true. Why isn't this on CNN?

Read more...

Gender

Thomas Beatie, click photo for article in The Advocate

I have always been very liberal with regards to gender and sexuality. No surprises to the Pardy I'm sure. I know that sexuality is a spectrum and we all fall somewhere on it. This sexuality is often innate, hardwired, or biological and can also be influenced by the environment. Gender roles are antiquated and old-fashioned for me. Sure girls can play with Barbies but they can also have have Tonka trucks. Sure boys can play sports at an early age but they can also play house or dress up. And I strongly believe that just because your DNA births you as a female, your brain can be truly male--or vice versa. Gender reassignment is completely fine with me. Why shouldn't your body match your self and social perception? Whether you take advantage of modern medicine have have the surgery to remove the offending parts is a personal decision. I say, go ahead. It would be weird to be a female but have a penis hanging between the legs.

HOWEVER.

How do I feel about a truly combined gender? Thomas, for all intents and purposes, has chosen to live his life as a man. He had chest reconstruction, testosterone therapy, married a woman, and lives as a man in his community. However, since gender status does not require sterilization he opted to keep his reproductive organs. His wife recently had a medical set-back that required a hysterectomy. The couple dearly wanted children and for some reason decided against adoption and decided that Thomas should carry the baby to term.

A male. Pregnant.

Why my mind rejoices at the thought of a truly genderless society, I can't help but be a tad angry. I immediately begin to think "men can't have babies, that's the thing we women can hold above them" or "you made your choice, I accepted it, now stick to it".

Will this couple be good, supportive, and nurturing parents? Probably. Will the child be confused about gender, sexuality, and what it means to be "female*"? Probably no more then every other child growing up in an increasingly open society.

What does this say about gender, gender roles, and sexuality? Could my visceral reaction be compared to the feelings of the homophobic people I so openly and frequent shun? I'd like to think 'no' because there is every evidence in the world that homosexuality is biologically based and has been present since the beginning of (wo)man and is seen throughout the animal world. Or is it just the idea that someday in the future XY males will be able to have children, then what would be left to set us apart? Should the genders be set apart?

As you can see I am grappling with a lot of questions (moral, ethical, liberal, legal, etc.). I would love to hear your feedback.



*A baby girl is expected July 3, 2008. Lets hope the proximity to Independence Day does not interfere in the naming process, lest she have a name like Freedom, or something ridiculous.

Read more...

Are These Guys For Real?

Ok, so its only 1 game and 7 1/2 innings but the Nationals look like a club who may make some noise this year. It was almost a storybook type of game last night when the Nats won on a game winning walk off homerun on opening night at a new ballpark from their only star player. Thats the kind of shit that is only seen in movies...now i look at the Nats news (conveniently located on this here page) and see that the Nats are up on the Phillies 6-3. I think these guys are serious.

With the excitement and energy of a new ballpark, one of the better bullpens in baseball, a star player who is has managed to make late inning heroics his curtain call, a rejuvenated and healthy Christan Guzman and the return on Nick Johnson could very well be the ingredients to the first winning season in Nationals history.

Now I know baseball is 162 game season and we are barely through 2 games, but I think I'm starting to believe that maybe these guys can do something this year. I'll probably regret this post in about a month when they are on a 13 game losing streak, but heres hoping I won't.

Read more...

Traffic Whoring

It's ridiculous how some site will go to no end to traffic whore (pr0n). We here at PBND (free iPod) are conscientious (floppy), forthright (donkey) and ethical (dick) with our blogging (realfield). We will not bamboozle you with empty promises (xbox, ps3, more pron) just to direct traffic to our humble site (meatwhistle).

We only promise (everything) our honest opinion (I love lamp) and candid thoughts regarding (viagra) our day to day lives (penis enhancement).

So please (Jessica Alba makes out with Jessica Biel) come back and visit us (gay pirates).

Read more...

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

So after a mere 15 years I went back to the Pacific Northwest, the place in which I grew up and call home. I was happy to see that not a whole lot had changed. It was still pretty much the city and area that I remember with the exception of some of the cities on the Eastside becoming suburban hell.

Anyway, here are some of the pictures from Chrissy and I's adventures in the Northwest.

Read more...

GI JOE!!!

Well this guy was creative. GI JOE on Rock Band. I wonder what other characters you can make up? Probably one of the coolest things I've seen.


Joystiq reader emummy decided to recreate GI Joe vs. Cobra in Rock Band. You can catch GI Joe after the break.

http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/25/today-in-joystiq-march-25-2008/

Read more...

Welcome to Suburbia

So its official...Maniac and I are old. We have given up city life for a house in the suburbs. Granted, we've been renting in the suburbs for about 9 months prior to this shocking move down the highway, but at least that was renting. And technically we still had a city zip code, could walk to the city bus stop, and it was a 5 minute drive to the little hip areas that make up Atlanta proper.

I love a city, I really, really do. A little part of my youth, OK a big part of my youth, has been sacrificed over the last couple years. I got married (I'm too young to be married!)...to a guy with kids!! (I'm too young to have kids!)...moved to the south (I'm too...educated?.. to move to the south!*)...and bought a house in the suburbs (I am to young to buy/move to the suburbs!)

But you know what? It all feels right. I met a great man, with wonderful children, we live near a college campus and the house is perfect for us at this time in our life.

Its a nice sized split-level in a good area, near our work and schools, and a great backyard. I love the city life, but I also love to get away and have my moment in the sun, in the grass, under the trees...without worrying about being mugged or laying in dog poop or running into someone you kinda know from that place you went to with whats her name. How is she doing anyway??

While I'll miss the hustle of the city, I won't miss being hustled by homeless. While I miss the convenience of walking home from a bar, I won't miss the fear of traveling on public systems at night, drunk.

Plus I have a wonderful place to raise my step-kids and possibly my own, if this rapid aging doesn't stop soon ...(I'm too young to give birth!)


*Tongue in cheek humor....sorta...

Read more...

Parody movies SUCK

and they need to stop it already. i can't believe the shite that is passing for movies as of late. Superhero movie... really? did it need to be made? remember the spartans... oh come on. scary movie1through God how many have they made? date movie, stupid. and epic movie, how could one forget the sewage of that film. They have no original plot, the laughs they garner are far from anything worthy of comedy, and simply play on base low-brow visual gags. detractors would say that Airplane, and the like are the same thing. however, these movies are completely different from those classic comedy movies. parody movies of old had their own story lines, their own gags, their own jokes. this new crap is just that. crap. I have seen snippets from these films, though honestly, could not bring myself to watch them all the way through. The only bright spot is the Simon Pegg movies, hot fuzz and Sean of the dead. Pegg's movies are "like" a parody movie, but at the same time, completely its own. while it pays homage to the genre of zombies and cop buddy movies, it uses elements from movie greats in its own new fun way to make it hilarious. Brittany Spears shaving her head while singing terribly next to the well of death is just stupid. Oftentimes, new skool parody movies have pointless bits, like the spears gag that do nothing to progress story plot, only appealing to the wish that one could kick spears down a well of death.
These are not Chris guest movies either. master of the faux-documentary, and often poking fun of other movies, the chris guest films are completely original.. which is why they are funny. what jennifer coolidge is doing in these new skool parody films is beyond me.
I think the point that films succeed in this is that they are non-specific. Blazing saddles made fun of the spaghetti western, hot fuzz buddy cop movies, sean of the dead the slasher zombie flick. and even Airplane was the disaster movies set aboard an airplane. the non-specific humor is what grabbed. not very specific sight gags that are lame at best. the generality of it also serves another purpose. Timelessness. Blazing saddles remains hilarious and classic to this day, many of the issues it addressed, especially race are topical even today. I seriously doubt the relevance of Brittany spears to the human condition and society even months from now, let alone decades.
Which begs the question, WHY. why do these movies kill at the box office. remember the spartans was a smash hit. so these lame movies will continue to be made. but why do people like these movies? I just don't get it. I'm not saying everyone should go out and start watching documentaries and indiefilms, But this is ridiculous. I just want movies to be funny again. Pretty soon, movies will be like in the Luke Wilson film "Idiocracy"where its just a butt on the screen for an hour and a half. yeah I saw idiocracy. it was research.

Read more...