BAD PARENTS

OK, so during research for my previous article I came across some VERY FUNNY STUFF. I like reading people's reviews of film. and I was amazed at the comedy gold found on Netflix. Below is the short synopsis for a movie entitled "The Cheerleaders"

Jeannie (Stephanie Fondue) is the new girl on the Amorosa High School cheerleading squad … and the last virgin in school. She really wants to give it up to the right guy, but all her good-hearted attempts go awry. High school was never like this! Kim Stanton and Jovita Bush fill out the squad, and Russ Meyer perennial Patrick Wright plays the coach.

OK, keep in mind that this movie is of course rated R. It was made in 1973 and probably has some sweet bom-chikka-bomwow guitar riffs for a soundtrack. Also it stars a actor by the name "Richard Meatwhistle" who no doubt probably goes by the name Dick. dick meatwhistle stars in this movie. Below is the review posted by a VERY irate customer.

Kari Hunold
5 out of 47 people found this review helpful.

I am furious about this movie. I found this movies cover to be decieving and it being rated R is so far off. My daughter added this to our queue thinking it was another movie like bring it on and bring it on again. To my suprise it is full of nudity and inappropriate sexual scenes for my childen ages 11 and 15. This movie needs to clearly state that it is basically porn instead of making it seem like an innocent movie my children would enjoy. I am completely astounded that this movie is still being passed on as rated R and that it is ok for children under 17 to watch so long as the parents watch this porn with them.

1. Cheerleader fetish movies were a staple of the porn idustry for YEARS.
2. Rated "R" doesnt mean its ok as long as you watch it with your parents. It means its Restricted.
3. Did you not read the synopsis??!?!
4. Any movie related to Russ Meyer is NOT FOR THE KIDS
5. Richard Meatwhistle and Jovita Bush???!!!!!

I would have LOVED to have been a fly on the wall int he living room. Imagine this: a nice family with their two youngsters sit down with some freshly popped popcorn, greasy butter oozing over their hands and faces. The lights are out and they pop in "The Cheerleaders". at what point do you realize youre watching softcore with your kids? Do you now have to have "the talk" with your children 11 and 15. obviously the parent above probably didnt because she wants netflix to tell her kids what movies she can allow her kids to watch and will probably have soemone else do her job when it does come time for "the talk". You do realize that rated R doesnt mean they say the "F" word a few times. It means theres probably going to be some TITTIES. There will be softcore sex a la USA channels "up all night" but with the boobies.
I'm very sick of parents expecting someone else to do their jobs for them. Isnt there a "recomends these movies also" when youre 11 year old put it in your queue? Did you not sit at the computer with your child as they surfed the internet? ever see Dateline? the rated system is a guideline people. And also it says why its rated r right on the movie sleeve. Rated R for AL, AC, N, SC, L, V, G, AV. just so you know now thats:
Adult language
Adult Content
NUDITY
SEXUAL CONTENT (my personal favorite)
Language
Violence
Gore
Animated violence

Chances are youre not reading labels, and you expected someone else to raise your kids. get a grip, screen a movie before you let your kids watch it. be wary of movies youve never heard of before. people like Richard Meatwhistle arent exactly members of the Screen actors guild. Just because netflix users gave it five stars doesnt mean its five stars from a nice parent with kids. And it doesnt mean the five stars that Finding Nemo got isnt the same five stars given to movies like Flesh Gordon. It means its five stars from a dude that was looking to do the five knuckle shuffle without having to pay internet fees, or going into the adult section in the movie store. And just cuz youre kid tells you its like Bring it on doesnt mean it is. damn people.

BTW- Eric recomends you see THE CHEERLEADERS.

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How it all went down

Ok. so I know Harold beat me to the punch, but I am still gathering my senses from Friday to get the story right, and tell the story a coupla times to make sure it was actually worth telling. It totally is. Please be sure to read HArold and his purple crayon's entry for furhter details. Here's how it all went down.

My DD, Harold and Ramona strolling down King street to find that one underground joint that staid open late. I had to peee so bad. Let me say that I did not choose the place that my bladder would scream "I'm full", the place chose me. I peed. response from the gallery "You reaqlize youre pissing on a church."
"no its a church fence"
"Its the fence and on the other side its a graveyard."
silence from the group. I look over my shoulder. A cop is sitting at the intersection.
"thats's cop isn't it?"
no answer.
I look over my shoulder, in full stream. A cop is watching me defile hallowed ground. My friends have disperserd. I zip up and walk away; in full stream. It stings. The cop ignores me. I say I'm sorry to God. I meet back up with the group.
After my slight run-in with the fuzz we decide that we should cut our losses, and go home. But first we stop at the NY deli for late night sammmiches. On our way out of the deli, our DD gets into his car to unlock the doors and take us home. From up the street we see an insane man running and screaming "hit and run hit and run"
the cop sitting at the red light next to us does not hear.
This drunk Armada driver next to us sees the cop in front of her and tries to squeeze in front of DD's car and the fuzz. She makes it about half a block away before being pulled over.
" What the fuck just happened?" I exclaim
"She hit my car" DD replies.
Genereal consensus is to watch the proceedings and wait fo the cops to come. Apparnetly we all forgot the the amnsety I was granted five minutes ago. So as we amble over to the scene, we are joined by the twenty odd some other young people who are drunk, and want a little more extra entertainment before taking off for the cold metro ride home. I keep searching for "drunk girl in alexandria" on Youtube hoping for some cell phone footage.. sadly i cant find any. Thats when every cop in old towne show up to the scene. Even the cop who caught me pissing on Gods lawn.
I think God heard my prayer, because said cop came over to get names, but nothing else. thats when it got good.
This chick in her armada is yelling at all the cops to let her go pee. They shout out back to her to stay in the car. Cops all have a meeting back near the squad cars. That when she gets out of the armada and starts blasting. OK, she didnt blast, but she did have a cell phone and was talking with her mom, and was yelling at the cops to talk to her mom because her mom will tell them that she has insurance. She was short, and her curly hair going everywhich way. Obviously drunk. It took two cops to slap her in cuffs and put her in the squad car. She screams that she is going to sue them all for police brutality. She says she is being falsley arrested. The cops start searching her truck. She screams no one is authorizrd to search my vehivle. She says they are searching her vehicle under false pretenses......
I say to myself... that is awfully legal mumbo jumbo the drunk girl is spouting. She driving a very expensive SUV. Georgerown LAW? i thinks to myslef. I hope she gets to see the inner workings of our nations very interesting legal system.
She says to a cop again "I have to pee"
we hear a cop say " Shit, this is my take home car"
quckly.. a take home car are those very nice police cars with the leather seats. they are not the squad cars with bench seats that they can just spray down with a hose if theres blood, piss and whatever back there. and a very drunk girl has to pee. HAHAHAHA
She sees Ramona Quimby and I standing there. she says "Please tell them I have to pee."
"Chick, we were in the car you just hit." we weren't, but what the hell.
she says "I have money, I'll pay you, please tell them I have to pee." FUCK did a very rich bitch just try to buy me? Now I fucking hate her.
Ramona Quimby then gets all crazy with the rich bitch and starts taunting some serious shit. and i mean just saying some nasty kinda stuff.. I started to feel bad for the chick in the cop car. then I was reminded that this rich drunk bitch drives a fattty SUV and called mommy to get out of it, AND tried to pay me too.
"Bitch, you almost killed us and now you want us to help you out???" "FUCK YOU" I say, and try to pull Ramona off of her, now in full tirade of insulting things to say.
Thinking this might possibly be against the law, provoking a person in custody and stufff... I DONT KNOW, IM NOT THE RICH KID IN LAW SCHOOL... I tell RAmona lets go, and actually have to pull her arm so she'll walk away.
we go back to DD's car and Harold is nowhere to be seen. Oh there he is, pissing around the corner from the cops... albeit, not on God's lawn.
So the cop that granted me leniency, tell us to follow him in DD"s dented up ride. we go to where Harold used to live, but still pays rent to. Next door, the jail where moussoui used to live and wake me up every morning at 5am as the motorcade took him to court. So Im interested. Adventures is great. we ended up sleeping over at Harolds place since it was like 430 am. I never thought I would end up at jail after a night of drinking. but hey. Thats how the Pardyboyz roll.

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I can't speak, so I will write.

What a great weekend this was. I had so much fun this weekend that my voice is hoarse, thats when you know it was a good few days. Well, either that or I am finally hitting puberty (thank you God!!).

The Rock It Grill was exceptionally interesting this weekend, complete with the requisite same set of characters who are part crazy, part talented and part very, very sad. We had the old man singing Boyz II Men songs...we had the very bad asian singer...we had Mandingo. Only thing missing was a bachlorette party. Josh wowed the crowd with a spot on rendition of Come Sail Away in the musical stylings of Eric Cartman which would certainly be the highlight of the night if not for the subsequent run in with the lawdogs. You see a rather drunken young lady decided to get behind the wheel of her daddys Armada and proceeded to crash into not one car but two cars, one of which was Erics sweet whip. The resulting two hours was filled with witnessing hysterical beligerance out of the woman, police interviews and statements, unneccesary trips to the police station and utter surreality. To sum it up, it was great!

The next day Chrissy and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary. After a spirtited game of FrisbeeQuest (tm) with Corey on the ridiculously nice 75 degree January day, Chrissy and I checked into a room at the J.W. Marriott downtown. Now when I booked the room I just booked a normal room, but when we get to the desk a very nice lady named Beth from Lakeland, FL decided to upgrade our room to an executive suite. They also sent a bottle of champagne on ice and chocolate covered strawberrys to the room. I cant tell you enough how great they were to us at that hotel!

Later that night we joined our friends who lent me their support as my Seattle Seahawks battled the Dallas Cowboys in an amazing game that came down to the very, very end. The Seahawks pulled off the improbable victory as I yelled my brains out.

All in all a super awesome weekend!

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