The Christmas Presents

Ah yes, Christmas, the day of giving :) Nah, this isn't going to be anything about being jaded and all. I just thought the picture on the left is funny. Well a Merry Christmas to all and hope everyone got the presents they want.

Oh by the way to the contributors for this blog, please feel free posting photos. It can liven up any blog entries. All the photos you upload are actually placed on your http://picasaweb.google.com/home account. Also it can be a great way to share photos and all. I'll be adding a slideshow to this blog too. I don't know what to put up yet. Maybe photos of us doing our group thing like the pumpkin patch and stuff. Let me know, posts some comments.

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Major League Bargain or Major League Trouble?

The Washington Nationals have been busy so far this off season making already two trades that will bring some new players into DC and the new ballpark. Thats all a great idea considering the rather poor state of play from the Nats for the first few years and the need to add excitement to the opening of the new ballpark. There is only one potential landmine here, these guys they are bringing in all have lengthy and detailed problems of off the field indiscretions. In the past few years lets look at some of the acqusitions by Jim Bowden and what kind of baggage they bring to the Nats:

Dmitri Young, who was picked up by Bowden and the Nationals in 2006, has well documented off the field problems when he was with the Tigers. In 2006, Young went through a divorce, was treated for alcohol and substance abuse, and depression. He pleaded guilty to assaulting a young woman after an argument in Birmingham, MI. He also admitted to being an alcoholic and drug addict.

The good thing however is that appears that Dmitri has overcome his problems and put together a solid season both on and off the field for the Nationals in 2007. He has quickly become a fan favorite and is a great story.

Lastings Milledge, whome Bowden picked up in a trade for Ryan Church and Brain Schnedier, has also experienced some off the field issues:

"Prior to the 2003 amateur draft, he was expected to be among the top three selections, but as draft day approached, press reports from 2002 resurfaced regarding Milledge's expulsion from Northside Christian High School after his junior year for allegedly having sex with a 15-year-old girl.He subsequently transferred to Lakewood Ranch High School where he finished his education and amateur baseball career.

As a result of the incident, Milledge was passed over in the 2003 amateur draft until the Mets selected him as the twelfth overall pick in the first round. The Mets began contract negotiations with Milledge, but the talks were interrupted in early August 2003, when the Mets learned of allegations of additional sexual misconduct against Milledge during his time at Northside. The Mets completed a private investigation of the matter and, satisified with the results, signed Milledge to a contract with a $1.9 million bonus."

Some other issues of clubhouse chemistry certainly had a big role in the Mets letting him go for peanuts considering Milledge is a highly thought of prospect, but again off the field issues and immaturity seems to dog him.

The most recent acquistion for the Nats is Elijah Dukes from Tampa Bay. Dukes as well has had a number of off the field issues:

"Since 1998, he has been arrested 6 times on charges including possession of marijuana, assault, and resisting an officer. On May 23, 2007 it was reported that his wife filed a restraining order after he threatened to kill her. On June 12, 2007, a 17 year-old foster child, who was living in the care of a relative of Dukes, accused him of impregnating her. Police say the sex was apparently consensual, and no crime was committed, but they are investigating. When the girl confronted Dukes, he allegedly got angry and threw a bottle of Gatorade at her"

Again, this is another promising player who has had a number of off the field issues. It would seem that Nationals management is hoping that these guys turn out like Dmitri Young and can overcome some of their problems and produce on the field as well as becoming good citizens.

There is no doubt that if these guys go the Dmitri Young route that these are major bargains for the young Nationals team who will become cornerstones of a franchise that already has some good young talent. However if they do not show the ability to mature and get over their off the field issues, this could turn into a major disaster for the Nats as having all these guys in the same clubhouse could make us the Bengals of the MLB.

I suppose only time will tell.

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My Friend Edna

My Brother-in-law's sister Edna was a great person who always had a smile. She was a kind and gentle person. I only saw her a few times after my younger sister were married. She loved to dance. Every time she would come up to California she would always want to go dancing. Now in Tijuana, its easy to be an under age teenager and find a place to go dancing. But when she would come up to California and want to go dancing its not that easy. In the beginning it was hard to find a place to take an under 18 person to go dancing, but we found em, and we went, even though there was not a hard drink to be had at any of these places.
later, after she had turned 21, it was easier to go places and take her to show her a good time. But she would always want to go dancing. Now everyone knows I'm pretty much the type of person that goes to a bar and listens tot he jukebox. Not exactly the type of place you can find dance floors in. But Edna was such a sweet person you couldn't help but want to take her dancing. Edna was sweet, and she was shy. She had a way of smiling at you that was kind of, I don't know, demure like.
Something about her smile though said that she wasn't as shy as everyone thought she was. she loved to have fun, and she did love to laugh, and when she did, she laughed out loud.
Edna suffered an aneurysm last Monday. She was taken off of life support some time on Tuesday. Edna will be sorely missed, and I think I am still in some sort of shock over it. Edna was a 22 year old Beautiful young woman. I hope there's a dance floor in heaven, and I hope the Angels can handle it.

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The Immortal Soul

For those of you who don't know, I keep a personal blog where I write essays of a more personal nature that is only accessible to myself. Here is a recent entry that I'd like to share with you, I think it's good:


I Believe I have the soul of an explorer.That, or i am missing being outside to such and extent I need to do something extreme outdoors to make up for the cubicle nightmare I've been living in these past ten or so years. I have been coming to this realization more and more since I have found a few magazines that I read to pass the time at my eight hour a job day in a building with no windows. The last time I did anything outdoors was my vacation to Hawaii. that was in May. it is now September, and I've worked without a full weekend since then. travel is pretty much out because of that. Its hard to convince friends that the weekend is no longer Friday night through Sunday night, that the weekend lasts lasts only Friday through Saturday, and even then, Saturdays are only every other week. Yes, my job schedule sucks.Lately however, I've been reading some magazines that have me itching to get, pardon the expression, Outside. Between The surfer's Journal and Outside magazine, I am exponentially aware that the weather is always beautiful if you're not at work, and the sun warms you tot he bone, unlike the fluorescent light on rails over my head. I am instantly reminded of Joe vs. the Volcano.I have a 9' Robert August Longboard that I bought with deployment money from when I was in the army and I went to Iraq collecting dust in my board bag on my balcony. I have a pair of DC shoes Snowboard boots, Burton Snowboarding pants and jacket ready to get into some powder when the winter rolls around. There's a brand new pair of fins, snorkel and mask that I bought in Hawaii for snorkeling around the reefs, only used twice. I've got some very nicely broken in hiking boots in both Desert and Jungle colors. My running shoes, also nicely broken in are rearing to hit some of these sweet running trails around the DC/Metro area. Yet, every time I look at my gear I am not reminded or taken away to a Shangri-La of adventures in the great American Outdoors. I am only reminded of my work schedule, and my cubicle that's barely larger than the economy coach seats on the plane I wont be taking to get Outside.

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Ethical Dilemna

So Maniac and I recently went out to purchase our first piece of real furniture. By real I mean not from IKEA, not made of particle board, and not a hand me down. (Note: antiques do not count as hand-me-downs, and are therefore "real") We needed a dining room table and chairs and wanted something that would last us a few years and would be of good quality, but contemporary and functional. We decided to go with a set from a place I'll call East Oak. We opted to buy 6 chairs even though it would be a tight fit around our small table, but it was necessary that we be able to entertain without having 2 tables. Because who wants to be designated to the "kids table"? The short, often inferior, substitute for a real table. As you hunch over your plate, eyeing your glass lest it splash over the side when one of the substantial chairs at the "adult table" is pushed back, and forlorningly listening to the raucous laughter and poignant conversation j-u-s-t out of reach of actually joining in...{shudder}



Any how, being the frugal Red that I am, I didn't want to pay shipping charges so we agreed to make several trips to the store for the various pieces (6 chairs, one table top, one table base). The first day we were able to only fit 3 chairs into my shiny new Civic.



Day 2, Maniac took his Celica and was able to fit 6 chairs into it.

wait..6 chairs you say?

Yes. The schmo at the loading dock on Day 1, never marked on our pick up list that we had left with 3 chairs. So Maniac took all 6 chairs, the little thief that he is. "I didn't realize". huh.

But wait, its not over.



Day 3. Maniac runs on his lunch break to pick up the table base (they agree to ship the table top for free, since it won't fit in our cars), and the new schmo at the loading dock says (according to Maniac) "Do you want an extra chair?" "Why yes I do", Maniac answers.

So now we have 4 extra chairs (which we really have no room for)



Q: Do we take the chairs back and explain their mistake? Or sell them ourselves and make a profit of about $500+

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The Dangers of Fantasy Football

I've been playing fantasy football for as long as I can remember. I love it. Its easy to learn but may take longer to really master it. I encourage anyone interested to get a free account with yahoo! , it's the easiest format to learn how to play.

However, there are a lot of detractors who say fantasy football makes fans less loyal. that's all bullshit. No one is more loyal than a True Chicago Bears fan like myself. I've see my bears falter through every season, an lose int he playoffs since '85. last year was an elation that we got to the Superbowl. I'm no bandwagon fan.

The trick to Fantasy football and real football is this: PLAY fantasy football with you're head. Cheer for your football team with your heart. Don't Listen to too much of what all the analysts say. No matter what, always play you're good players. Here's some examples of what i mean.



A good example is this: Last week, San Diego played Chicago in San Diego. I have San Diego's defense and L.T as my running back. I wanted Chicago to destroy San Diego. I'm still pissed about the commercial and will change the channel when it comes on. But I'll be damned if I'm not going to put one of the best running backs in the NFL on the bench just because he's playing my team. As far as San Diego's defense goes: in a league where you get much points for sacks, it'd be silly to not play San Diego defense against Chicago. for several reasons. one is the 3-4 defense. in the 3-4 defense you have three D linemen and 4 linebackers. Chicago usually plays against team that play 4-3. San Diego has a hopped up on steroid linebacker in Shawn Merriman, and Rex Grossman will screw something up. all the more reason to play San Diego's defense. So I played members of my fantasy team hoping they would score some points, but that my Chicago bears would still win.
Last year, all the analysts were saying that Tom Brady was going to have a bad game because he was injured and he had no one to throw to. All the analysts said my backup QB Kurt Warner would have a field day against a weak defensive team. and with two excellent receivers there would be no reason he wouldn't. so i played Warner and sat Brady. rule #1: ALWAYS play you're best players. Kurt Warner got hurt int eh first quarter and Tom Brady threw three TDs and went for 3oo yds that game. I lost the championship game because I listened to analysts.
How do you get away from the whole how do i cheer for my fantasy team, and not my real team? easy. YOU NEVER CHEER AGAINST YOUR REAL TEAM. that's how you know you're a real fan. be pleased that you're fantasy team is picking up points, but at no time should you cheer for ANYONE playing you're team just because they are on you're fantasy team. in real life you should want you're fantasy players fall against you're real life team.
remember, in the NFL, its a long season, and its just as long in fantasy. you can afford one or two losses. Id easily take a loss in fantasy if the bears got int he "W" column. unfortunately, they let me down in week one. but like I said. it's a long season.

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Social Responsibility

Social responsibility for most people is something they associate with social science. When I was in high school I don't think I've even heard of the word much less associate with anything. Wikipedia describe it as.

"Social Responsibility is a doctrine that says that every being whether it is a village, town, state, corporation, organization, government or idividual has responsibility to society."

It's boring, it's textbook, it only exists in school discussion so I can only conclude that I may not have paid attention to it and thus not heard of the word. But the word did worm it's way into my brain along with some casserole. My mother insisted that I come to her friends son's birthday. I know the guy, he's actually my cousins friend and I've hanged out at his place a time or two. Hell his mom makes great spaghetti and I heard they have lecheon, lumpia and a bunch of shit I love. I Just felt like not going out.

Well you really don't win arguments with your mother and that casserole dish was shoved into my chest along with the words social responsibility.

You have a social responsibility to see these people. They are our friends/family/neighbor and you should go out!

Is that what it really means? I could have sworn I heard something like that in class. Well anyway I know that lately I've slacked in that responsibility area. I run in these phases where I go out and socialize, and then I become somewhat 'like' a hermit.

A little example, most of you remember some of the small shindig we've thrown at ViJo (Harold might even remember some that I've thrown back in Omaha) Yeah, I'll be a little social butterfly. Asked to go to someones place to hang out and celebrate? Yeah! Invite a couple of people over to watch anime? Sure! Go and watch that new release? Popcorn baby! Video game and movie night? Absolutely! Those I could be counted on more.

Go to a bar...hmm maybe. A club...I'll think about it. I really don't know why I become reluctant. Ask me to help you out with something, pick you up from the airport, help you move - I'll be there. So I don't exactly go to hermit mode just that I shy away from some social settings that before I hand I would be all about. Did I make any sense? No? Well I better end this before I'm told that I should make a blog over livejournal with the rest of the social degenerate emos :)

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Grading The AFC

Well yesterday we graded the NFC and today we will look at the AFC outlook. So lets not waste time

AFC East

New England Patriots - This team is always good and they have made themselves incredibly stronger this year. Dumping the underachieving receivers and adding not one, not two, but three big time legit WRs for Tom Brady to throw too makes this offense a formidable opponent for even the best of defenses. This team will be very good and make another legit push for a ring. A

Buffalo Bills - I think things are starting to come together for the Bills this year. This is a weak division and I don't see the Bills having to be all that good to finish second. JP Losman seems to finally understand how to play QB and a above average defense will help him out even more. This is a deep sleeper team that could possibly make some noise. Certainly wont make the playoffs but 8-8 even 9-7 is not out of the question. B-

New York Jets - Sorry, but I think this is a let down year for the Jets, one of the big surprises of 2006. The addition of Thomas Jones helps the running game, but the passing attack is anemic at best and the defense wont strike fear in very many. I like Eric Mangini, but I'm looking for a very disappointing year out of this club. C

Miami Dolphins - I guess I was the only one who watched Trent Green look like utter crap in the playoffs last year. Supposedly he is supposed to come in and be the savior for the Dolphins who have not had a decent QB since Dan Marino left. The fact is this team sucks. Chris Chambers was a one year wonder and Ronnie Brown has never lived up to expectations. This has train wreck written all over it. D

AFC South

Jacksonville Jaguars - I'll tell you why I don't think Indy repeats next, but let me get into why I think this is the Jags year. The release of Byron Leftwich is actually a big help to this team that relies a lot on the ground, short yardage game to move its offense. Leftwich was a slow, big armed QB, that just is not what the Jags need. With three top quality RBs splitting time, look for these guys to just pound it out and wear teams down. The Jags defense is possibly one of the Top 5 in the league with the two best set of DTs in John Henderson and Marcus Stroud. This team is the best team that nobody talks about. Watch out. A-

Indianapolis Colts - They will always compete as long as they have Peyton Manning throwing the ball downfield. However they have lost too much on the defensive side of the ball this year that last year struggled mightily with containing the run. They live in a conference that is stacked with top tier running backs who will just pound it down the Colts throats. They will still win a lot of games and make the playoffs, but I don't think they repeat as division champs. B+

Tennessee Titans - Not a bad team, certainly a team on the rise but quite a few years and a few draft picks away from making a serious run. Vince Young will have to avoid the Madden curse as he attempts to lead this mostly nameless, but competent club to a few victories. I don't see them getting many, but they will certainly get more than the...C

Houston Texans - How is Mario Williams working out for you guys? Yeah, this team still sucks. They added Matt Schaub, an unproven QB and stuck him behind that same offensive line that had David Carr on his ass all the time. Not a good recipe for success. Ahman Green is done and behind that very same line he will be getting gobbled up in the backfield a lot. This team doesn't get that football is won and lost in the trenches and as long as they don't work hard at fixing that offensive line, they will continue to be bad. F

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens - These guys look like the best in this black and blue division. The defense is obviously stuff of legends and will shut down pretty much any offense that gets in their way. There is not a single hole or weak spot on this defense. The only x factor for these guys is Steve McNair. If he plays a smart, ball control style offense then this team will win a lot of games. If he goes all air-McNair though, watch out. A

Pittsburgh Steelers - Are they back? Well, sorta. Having shaken the post Super Bowl champion hangover, I think this team is probably hungry enough to compete once again. They still have some glaring question marks in places, but overall they should be able to put up a good fight. Will be a team to watch for. B+

Cincinnati Bengals - The Lions of the AFC. These guys will be fun to watch as they air the ball out all over the place and watch Chad Johnsons TD dances. However, how will they stop people? They have what is possibly the worst defense in the NFL and some claim the worst defense EVER. Look for a lot of shootouts but probably not many victories. C-

Cleveland Browns - Was there a plan for the future in Cleveland before Brady Quinn just fell into their laps? It certainly doesn't feel like it as they really have nothing else to offer on either side of the ball. The only reason to tune into a Browns game this year will be to see how Brady Quinn is doing. I imagine he will be starting about week 4. D-

AFC West

San Diego Chargers - Ok, we all know how stacked this team is. That being said they have Norv Turner as head coach. That would terrify me if I were a bolts fan. He has never shown the ability to motivate a team to win and has underachieved pretty much everywhere he has gone. Still, this team has too much talent not to win this division and probably a first round bye. But I'm feeling another playoff collapse for these guys. A-

Denver Broncos - The Broncos are probably over the last 20 years the most consistent "pretty good" teams out there. They always compete and it is never a surprise on how they will beat you. Run, run, and run. I suspect more of the same this year with a little more freedom given to Jay Cutler to get it to his downfield receivers. I like this team and think they will push the Chargers and compete for a wild card. B+

Oakland Raiders - Moving up in the world. Still wretched beyond belief on the offensive side. As of this writing they still haven't signed the first overall draft pick and instead are looking at Josh McCown to lead them. However they have a decent defense and they may just get lucky in a few games and win 4 or 5. D+

Kansas City Chiefs - This may be the worst team in the NFL. I watched Hard Knocks as they went through training camp and outside of Larry Johnson, this team has nothing, zero. The DBs get beat bad all the time, the QB they went with Huard is washed up and the young guy backing him up (Croyle) is not even close to ready. Their WRs drop balls and run poor routes. This team is a mess and its too bad because I like Herm Edwards but LJ is not going to be able to run this team out of the basement. F

Wild Card Team #1 - Jaguars over Broncos
Wild Card Team #2 - Ravens over Colts

Division Playoff #1 - Jaguars over Chargers
Division Playoff #2 - Patriots over Ravens

AFC Championship Game - Patriots over Jaguars

Super Bowl Prediction - Seahawks over Patriots

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Drive North to get to the Midwest

So I had the distinct pleasure of going to visit Eric (does he have a Pardy name??) in Tennessee. For those of you that don't know my system of US geography there are 4 sections "The Northeast" (MD, DE, PA, NY, NJ, ME, NH, VT); "The South" (GA, AL, SC, LA, MI, WV); "The West" (CA, OR, WA, NM, TX, AZ); and everything else falls under the ubiquitous "Midwest" category. Sorry Harold, no "Pacific Northwest" crap on my map.

Anyway, back to the trip.

We stayed at his family home in Knoxville, TN. I honestly believe you don't know a person until you see the house they grew up in. Sometimes it comes as a surprise, but usually you can immediately understand how that environment produced the person you have thought you knew. We began our trip at one of the homes of E-Rock's childhood friends. No surprises here. A bunch of fun, loud, easy to laughter people. Thankfully, no one resembling those Patent office trouble makers!!
From there we went to visit the "city" of Knoxville. With excitable E-Rock leading the way we hiked up and down this college town. I must say, for being a small city it is very pretty. Nice architecture, good green areas...etc. Of course, in his excitement he forgot he was leading around an injured war vet, and poor Maniac was huffing and puffing and valiantly fighting his way up hills and stairs. The city once held the World's Fair in 1981 or something and is seems to be living a bit in the shadow of those glory days.
We then settled down to watch the most awesome display of fireworks I have ever seen. I can't even begin to explain the magnitude of these balls of light. If you ever have the opportunity to go to Boomsday in Knoxville, don't pass it up my friends.
Eventually we made it back to the childhood home of our good friend. Hoards of blackmail material decorated the walls and the memories of his family. Please E-Rock, bring some of those pictures home and hang them above your fireplace!!
His family is the epitome of Southern (Midwestern?) Hospitality. We ate homemade biscuits and sausage while his parents and grammy regaled us with tales of fishing, guns, neighborhood gossip, and tales of E-Rock's childhood. The picture albums were broken out, family recipes were shared, all from the comfort of a country kitchen (complete with artifacts from old family dairies). When it was time to for Red and Maniac to hit the road, it felt like we were leaving family. With laughter and promises to keep in touch and visit whenever we were craving a good meal and better company we left feeling full and content.

There will be a time where meeting friends parents will not filter into the equation, where we will visit each other's houses and fill them with our own spouses and children and it will feel like home. But until then, I hope to understand all of my friends a little more by entering the world in which they grew up in, even if only for a day.

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Grading the NFC

Well, NFL football starts tomorrow. The sports world shakes off the dust of the sparse summer and starts to really hit its stride as we get into the autumn. Today we will take a look at the NFC this year and assign grades to the teams in each. Tomorrow we will take a look at the AFC.

NFC EAST

Philadelphia Eagles - If McNabb stays healthy this should be your division winner. Though the window is pretty much closed on this team they may be able to squeeze one more year out of this group until they are just too old. I look for them to do well. B+

Dallas Cowboys - Can Tony Romo overcome his nationally spotlighted embarrassment last year in the playoffs? Is Wade Wilson really the man who can lead this team to its first playoff victory in 10 years? Will TO behave this year, or have his standard 2nd year team derailing breakdown? Lots of questions with this team. They will either be really, really good or really, really bad. So I'll split the difference and give em a C

Washington Redskins - The hometown team doesn't look a whole lot different from last years team. A few improvements on the defense with rookie LaRon Landry and a rebuilt defensive line should help these guys out. The offense is still far to anemic to get anything really done. Jason Campbell is still very green. They will be better, but barely. C+

New York Giants - What a mess. Their ex-running back is making the most news by criticizing the coach and quarterback. Eli Manning is not his brother and never will be. Nobody wants to play for Coughlin. Look for a terrible year for big blue. D

NFC South

New Orleans Saints - Easily the most talented team in the division, their offense is mind blowing. Drew Brees has definitely turned into a top 5 QB and with the dual threat of Bush and Deauce McAllister this offense is unstoppable. Some big question marks still at defense though might creep up. A

Atlanta Falcons - I know what your thinking. How can this team possibly be any good without Michael Vick? Well, let me tell you. Bobby Petrino is an offensive coach, he knows QBs and every QB he has ever coached has made it into the NFL. He runs an offensive system that is similar to the system Joey Harrington ran at Oregon. They have some questions on defense, but its not terrible. I think this team will surpise a lot of people and compete for a wild card. B-

Carolina Panthers - I still don't like this team. Every year they are picked to do well, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I think this will be another won't year. Delhomme has lost it and is not the same QB who led them to a Super Bowl. They have a lot of talent on both sides of the ball, but I just don't see them putting it together. C

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Yuck. Just don't see anything really promising with these guys. Jeff Garcia? Cadillac Williams? Joey Galloway? Those aren't really names that strike fear in me and certainly not in NFL defenses. They have a nice, decent defense but it wont save them. Cellar dwellers for sure. D+

NFC North

Chicago Bears - Not saying much that they can win this division, its one of if not the weakest in football. The defense is obviously the best in the NFC and possibly the NFL. Given the wackiness that is the Rex Grossman experience, most Chicago fans would probably rather see their Bears on defense as opposed to offense. Defense will carry this team into the playoffs, what happens after that though is a big question mark. A-

Detroit Lions - Shocker! A second place finish for the historically inept Matt Millen Lions? I think so, but not because they are good, they are just less bad than the other two. The Lions will throw the ball first and then throw it some more, its the Mike Martz shtick. They are entertaining at least to watch and they will put up points. However, they cant stop anyone from posting up big points either. Lots of fun shootouts I see on the horizon with the Lions ending up on the losing end of most, but still a better (by Lions standards) 6-10/7-9 finish. C-

Green Bay Packers - For the third year in a row we get to hear the announcers talk about "Is this Brett Favres last year?". The answer now is who cares? This team has moved on past the Favre era and I think Favre is holding them back from really improving. A.J. Hawk is a helluva linebacker, but that's about it for this team. Everyone else is old or totally unproven. Going to be a long cold winter in Green Bay. D

Minnesota Vikings - Quick, name me a Vikings player. Randy Moss? No sorry. Daunte Culpepper? Nope. Hershel Walker? Uh...Point is this team has nobody. Adrian Peterson might become a great RB some day but he is a rookie. Tavaris Jackson (that's the QB sports fans) is destined to be a 2nd string journeyman QB in this league. This is a boring and talentless team that will lose a lot of games because they will struggle to get even 7 points on the board. D

NFC West

Seattle Seahawks - Obviously I'm biased, but with all of our players healthy and hungry again these guys have the talent to rule the NFC once again. The addition of pass rusher Patrick Kearney is a significant upgrade from the underachieving Grant Wistrom. Two new safeties in Deon Grant and Bryan Russell who are veteran, intelligent safeties are also a big upgrade from the oftentimes out of position and boneheaded Michael Boulware and Ken Hamlin. If they stay healthy, they are back. Don't listen to the nonsense about the Rams and 49ers. These guys are still the top dogs. A

St. Louis Rams - They wont be as good as so many TV analysts are trying to say, but they will be better. They are the exact same team as last year, just a year older which really effects Issac Bruce (Age 34) and Torry Holt (Age 31). Steven Jackson is going to have a breakout year, no doubt about it. That is what will make them better. They will push the Seahawks, but they are still a year or two away. Offensive line is a huge problem for this team and will continue to be this year and that will make all the difference. B+

San Francisco 49ers - Another team getting a lot of hype and who will be improved. Though the Rams are a year or two away, I think the Niners are about 3-4 years away. They have a lot of young, raw talent. Vernon Davis will be the next big TE and maybe even redefine the position. Alex Smith continues to develop and Frank Gore is just a beast. The addition of Darrell Jackson gives these guys a veteran, reliable weapon. However, they are young and will make mistakes. Their defense is still soft up front and in the LB corp. Fun team to watch, but this isn't their year. B-

Arizona Cardinals - Whats new pussycat? You've read this book. Arizona is picked as a team that could surprise and compete and then they still glide gently into that nice 4-12 season. Yep, same thing here. Matt Leinart is way overrated at this young stage in his career and I think he likes partying in Hollywood more than watching game film. I see no reason why this team will be any different than the Cardinals of the last 20 years. Oh well Arizona fans, at least the D-Backs are fighting and the Suns season is only 3 months away! D-

Look for St. Louis and Dallas to be your wildcards. Seahawks and Bears with first round byes.

Saints over Cowboys in wildcard #1
Rams over Eagles in wildcard #2

Bears over Rams in Divisional #1
Seahawks over Saints in Divisional #2

Seahawks over Bears in NFC Championship.

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"in the Group"

"in the Group." It's been a big topic in many conversations as of late. Why shouldn't it be. Who wouldn't want to be a part of this circle of friends? we're fun loving party people that are pretty damn loyal friends. The question is "what do i have to do to get in?" The answer isn't nearly as straightforward.
Many people have tried, but few have really made it in. and it's not like there's actually a list of things that one must preform to get "in". When you're in, you'll know it and won' t have to ask. Recent events have seen many spots open up on the roster: With Red and Maniac moving, it's not they're "out" but they are definitely playing for the married couples team in A-town. Rookie sensation Big Tuna decided that the fast times in Iowa City were for his style so he left in a hurry at the close of our summer season. and its not like he's "out" just yet either. But it seems as of late the group is slowly dwindling, and some of us are open to trying out new talent to the group. So here's a quick heads up and tips for getting "in" and staying "in"

1. Be original. Whilst most of our conversations come straight out of movies and TV, just be yourself rather than fake, and you'll be liked for you on your own terms, not some fake persona that you though was cool. Unless you suck, then you better be a damn good actor.
2. Show up to shit. We hang out a lot as a group. And some of us go out on weekdays. attendance is expected. and not just when its convenient for you. Noobs need to go out of their way to make appearances.
3. get on the mailing list. We send out mass emails often. This is where it starts to get tough. mostly because someone has to add you on their own. so if someone goes out of their way to add you, you've got a head start on the competition.
4. Read our blog. We enjoy writing it, and we love to have other people than just us reading it. Leave a comment, then we know you've been checking it.
5. Just cuz you did good during the summer months doesn't mean its over. Some people have hung out with us tons, but never really saw it through. We've tried out many people that just never really made it. And some were really close, then they just stopped calling, emailing, and showing up. be curious if you stop getting mass emails.
6. Some of us picked our own names. some of us had our names given to us. chances are if you're new, don't get to hung up on getting your name just yet, one will be provided. you can change it later if your around long enough. its up to you

We're a totally loyal group of friends, and all we ask in return is you be just as loyal. If want a friend that's more loyal. get a dog. just remember, you gotta feed it, and pick up ts shit. we're already all house trained. except maybe for Vinny the Pooh. He didn't get that name for nothing.

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Where The Hell Did It Go?

Wait you mean we are less than two weeks from Labour Day (Yes, I use the proper English spelling because it makes me look cool)? What the fuck? Wasnt it just last week I was drinking beers on Vinnys porch celebrating the return of summer? Like I've always said life is a series of lessons, so here are some things I have learned this summer as we get ready to close it out.

1) We all suck at volleyball.
2) Jason Epperhart is the prettiest man I have ever seen.
3) We made one helluva run at the kickball trophy this year.
4) If you need a clutch RPS player, tag in Superfudge.
5) Getting ready to be a best man at a wedding is stressful.
6) It is very easy to blow through $1000 in a weekend at a bachelor party.
7) It is very easy to have one fuckin awesome time for $1000 at a bachelor party.
8) Being a limo driver is the life, you get paid to hang out a strip clubs with your clients
9) E-Rocky Top has some odd tastes in Netflix movies.
10) O's still suck. Nattie Bohs still taste so good.
11) Reaffirmed Bob Evans is the tastiest post drinking fest breakfast a guy could ask for.
12) Superfudge likes to pick fights when his bruiser buddies are in town.
13) Protecting the internet is at first exhilirating and the quickly tedious and boring.
14) Nats still suck. President bobbleheads best ideas ever.
15) Dinosaur Wars card games at bowling alleys is perversly fun. More fun than bowling.
16) Transformers was the only summer movie worth the hype.
17) Tony Danza is a fucking train wreck.
18) First 4th of July not spent on the mall; didnt really notice.
19) Phillies ballpark possibly best I have ever been in. The giant bell rings on a home run, what more do you need?
20) Wedding perhaps the event of the year.
21) Maniac McGee and Encyclopedia Red will be missed by all.
22) Superfudge likes em young.
23) J & J Crew perhaps most unlikeliest but most awesome of teams.
24) The drive to South Carolina still the most boring drive in the country.
25) My brothers friend is a light weight.
26) Flight of the Conchords = Funniest new series in years.
27) Big haircut is a big asshole. But he will be missed.
28) Summertime blues suck.
29) Nothing like a kick ass beach trip to come out said blues however.
30) Ocean City is about 100X better than Dewey Beach.
31) Kasie thinks she is a fucking karaoke all star now.
32) E-Rocky Top is the real star however.
33) Jason Epperhart does not know when to leave a room.
34) Without Kasie car rides would be sooooo boring.
35) And you think you have a crap job? Poor Eric.
36) OAR concert was awesome.
37) Mustachies are a perfectly respectable party prop for any Mexican theme.
38) Mustachie with a mop by an Asian guy however is completly unacceptable.
39) Superfudge has some bright orange vomit that he is very sorry for.
40) Keeping a party going till 4:30 AM? Yes thats how Ramona and Harold do it.
41) A Tuna fish does not answer his phone.
42) The Tuna fish is gone.
43) A weekend of hard partying makes Harold a dull guest at a Sunday afternoon going away.

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New rules for the bar.

I built a bar on my porch at the beginning of the summer. And there is generally only one standing rule:
Patron is not the tequila you pour into the margaritas. there's Cuervo enough for that stuff.
However, last night, at my B-day party there were some things that kinda pissed me off with people behind my bar. No one poured good tequila into a juicy drink with an umbrella. but here's some new rules I am putting into effect for those of you who like to stand behind my bar. and remember, it is MY bar.
1. if you're gonna stand behind the bar to play bartender, play damn bartender. It's not just so you can look cool. If people tell you to pour them a drink, pour them a damn drink.
2. Keep the immediate area of the bar open. there's not a lot of room on the bar what with all the bottles of booze, so try to keep it open. This IS the bartender's responsibility.
3. See that little ice chest on the floor that says ICE ONLY!, guess what. Its for ICE ONLY! don't put your hands in there, or get ashes in it, I use that for cocktails. AND Damn it! its ice, global warming and all that, keep the lid on it, ice melts slower if you do.
4. You need to rinse out the shaker and shot glasses. notice at bars you pay to drink at the bartender smells the shaker? that's to see if its clean. He's trying to keep the vodka out of the rum drinks and vice versa. so rinse em out. Even if you have to walk them to the kitchen. It ain't that far. This is also the bartender's responsibility.
5. Keep the empties off the bar. This should go without saying, but it didn't last night, so now you get a rule.
6. The plastic cups in the plastic wrap. keep them in the bag. They need to stay clean so we can drink out of them.
I don't think these rules are out of line. You shouldn't either. If you do, don't stand behind my bar. sit out on the chairs provided. there's enough of them.

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Married Life

I've been married a month and a day now.
As a young girl struggling with my sexuality and other issues, I never gave much thought to marriage. I never thought about what my wedding would look like, or what my kids names would be, or even what my future partner would be like. But somehow, getting married was just suddenly the right thing to do. Sure, I thought about the consequences and the responsibilites, but what it ultimately came down to is that for the first time in my life I began to plan for a future that included someone else. I was choosing schools based on proximity of my boyfriends children, analyzing the strength of the city for potential careers for him, and I was concerned with the amount of money he would spend on gifts for me. (Believe me, I never imagined I would have to ask a man to STOP buying me flowers!!)
So now I'm married. And nothing has really changed. We still love each other in that funny little way that we do, we still argue over little things, and support each other over the big things. The only difference is that we have committed to work everything out to the best of our ability for the rest of our lives. But really, if you are dating someone and you can see the end...why continue to date? Unless of course, you are being completly honest with yourself and know that you are dating for sex, money, or free rides at Dorney Park, then eh..let it ride!
The only complaint so far is the name chaging process. What a pain. Ladies, unless you plan on having kids there is no reason to change your name. Honestly.
And the worst part is the built in sexist history to the whole process. For me to change my name to Jennifer Marie-Juergensen McGee, I just had to fill out a few papers and run all over town waiting in lines to drop them off. For Corey to change his name to Corey Michael-Juergensen McGee (Note: just his useless MIDDLE name) it will require a trip to a court house, some fees, then he'll have to fill out the aforementioned papers and run around town dropping them off.
so anyway, now armed with a new identity I am ready to...fight?conquer?...nah. Live my life the same way I always had but with a sexy husband by my side.

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A P.M. in the AM

One of the coolest places in D.C. is Adams Morgan. The great thing about Adams Morgan is that it's like Georgetown, without actually BEING Georgetown. On any given night in Adams Morgan you can see people dressed tot he nines trying to get into exclusive clubs along with frat boys in shorts and flip flop sandals. The appeal being that in one four block radius, you can find dive bars sharing the same walls with these mega-clubs with exorbitant cover charges and selective entry that have been the rage as of late. All along 18th and Columbia NW, the old converted row houses are peppered with bars, clubs, and fast food carry-out mom and pop shop restaurants that stay open later than the clubs, so partiers can have something to fight back the munchie monsters that usually come on after a long night of drinking, dancing, and other debauchery that happens in places like these.

Adams Morgan has long been a big Latino neighborhood, mostly central American nationalities like Guatemalans and Salvadorian. That being the case there are many slsa clubs drawing more people in. herein on of these places, called Habana Villages we set our tale.

I got there after work and met up with some new friends of ours. It was hot outside, and even hotter in the small crowded discotech. I needed something refreshing, Mojito was all I was thinking. A drink called almost too refreshing by Ramona, it was right on time for me. It was a bit full of the mint leaves, and I spent quite a lot of time either checking to see if i had leaves stuck in my teeth, or actually trying to pick the leaves out. I wasn't at all int eh mood for beer, which is odd for me, or other mixed drinks. I did try a Chivas and coke,, but it DEFINITELY wasn't what i was looking for. After the club kicked us all out, we went to probably the GREATEST reason for a night out in Adams Morgan. Jumbo Slice.
Jumbo Slice is a giant slice of pizza that can only be bought by the slice. choices include pepperoni, and cheese. They call it Jumbo slice because it is. the slices don't fit on the standard paper plate. it takes two. its infinitely greasy. and the most delicious thing at that time of night. By this time, the metro was closed and i slept on a friends couch. I fell asleep with a full belly, and dreamed of Ramona.

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WORK SUX

I know what you're saying:

"Welcome to the work force superfudge. That's why it's called work, and not fun time."

But i have a VERY unique situation as to why, currently, work totally sucks ass. I haven't had a day off in three weeks. I know what you're saying. "you must be getting overtime through the nose." sadly, I'm not, one of the downfalls of being a federal contractor. All they can do is promise me time off later. which is lame. coming to work and hearing people say things like:
what are you doing this weekend
One more day left
i cant wait for tomorrow
I had the raddest party last weekend
Did you see the latest movie out in theatres
These are all totally disheartening. I cant stand coming to work right now. I'm totally on edge and have become quite easily irritated. I get annoyed at the drop of a dime. fuckin' dimes, why they always gotta be dropping. anything and everything that pisses me off normally, drives me crazy right now. Ramona has been very understanding as of late because of this and she's been a lifesaver several time over recently. But this shit sucks. I want to be able to stay at home and sleep, not worry about having to go to work in the morning, not worry about nothing but ME. and i know this sounds selfish, but not has been looking out for ME lately, and its time for some ME time. so work sux.

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"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" does not apply anywhere else!!

So this is what I'm sick of hearing, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" used at any place in any situation when someone does something dumb. It's clever in Vegas cause it's Sin City and it's a license to get drunk and crazy and lose all your money, plus the ads are funny. But just because it might be true in Vegas doesn't mean that it's true everywhere! Whatever happens outside Vegas...will be told to everyone with exaggerated detail the next day if not the same night. Plus, it just shows a lack of imagination.

Disclaimer: This is not meant as a passive-aggressive dig at anyone, I watch way too much TV and am sick of hearing it!! So warning to friends: if you say this outside Vegas, I might go off

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The Funniest Comic

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We Came, We Saw, We Kicked Some Balls

Well we have survived another season of adult kickball. While I was on sabbatical for half of the season I am attempting to write a closing recap piece. This third season was novel for us in that we took control--well specifically Harold and Peppermint Patty--and brought Nancy Drew and the Pardy Boyz to the recreational sports arena. While our nobles co-captains took all the responsibility of running the team, the rest of us (Maniac, Superfudge, Mr. Pooh, and yours truly) just showed up and kicked some balls. However, I must say that I got a warm fuzzy feeling everytime someone said, "What's your team name? [NDPB] Oh that's so cool, I love it."

This was fun season, Superfudge would say it was fun because we actually won a few games, but me being the inept athlete that I am need not to win to have fun. We learned that Patty works with some CRAZY people, although the crazies are usually our people. I gotta say that I am glad that I saw no unsolicited ass/balls/penis. I do have a grievance that our team members seemed to make the douche bag of the week more than any other team members and for that I say, "If it wasn't for the assholes, you wouldn't have anything to laugh at, so don't hate, appreciate."

The culmination of this first team run season was our showing in the Final Four of the kickball tourney!! Kudos to Superfudge for winning the first game on a very stressful bated breath RPS game--you'll see him soon on the pro circuit. Oh, and did I mention I scored my first run of the season during our second game? One run, mark it down! Everyone brought their A-game in their pockets. Very respectable showing. The winners have to go on to a region tournament and who wants to do that? When the season is over the season is over and my friends, the season is over. But don't get too sad...the end of kickball season just means the beginning of football season!!! Sunday ticket biyaches!!

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An Easy Identification Guide

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TV Season In Review!

I pretty much watch four TV shows. Well five if you include The Sopranos, but that is on such a crazy schedule it’s hard to plan around it. Lost, Heroes, 24, and The Office. Well since they have all had their season finales I think its time for a review of each one. I am bored with nothing else to do and its been a week since last posting so I am going to do this. Like it or not.

Lost – This season started out slow. Dragging out the Kate, Sawyer, Jack imprisoned thing for six episodes was way more than that storyline needed. However this show picked up and did it ever pick up. Two terrible episodes were around; the one about Jacks tattoos was pointless. Who gives a shit about how Jack got his tattoos? I mean, come on. Also the one with Nikki and Paulo getting killed by the spiders and buried alive was utterly pointless. That however was the only negative on what I think was the best season of Lost they have had yet. The last 6 or 7 episodes were all without question mind blowing phenomenal. I don’t want to spoil anything here in case somebody reading this is going to watch them later or on DVD or something, but every episode leading up the finale was amazing. The finale itself was perhaps the greatest episode of TV of all time and totally changes everything with how this show works. I’m not even joking or being a nerdy fanboy on this, it was all seriously that awesome. Despite the early slowness and two bombs of episodes this season of Lost gets a solid A.

Heroes – I’m going to one up Charles Dickens and tell a tale of three cities. The first city was the “Save the cheerleader, save the world” city. This was the first run of episodes of Heroes from like September to November and it was nothing short of awesome. The entire storyline of ordinary people discovering extraordinary abilities was brilliant and every episode built on the other and this just dragged you in. I remember staying up until 4 AM watching the entire first run of episodes. The second city is the “Are you on list?” city. His was the second run of the series from like January-late February. This was still pretty good but didn’t quite match the brilliance of the initial run. One great episode though was here is the one about the back-story on Mr. Bennett. Other than that it was good TV, not bad at all, pretty entertaining. The third city however was the last run of the series from April-Season Finale. This is when the wheels came off. Writing got sloppy, acting was poor, plot holes erupted and logical fallacies were inexcusable. The season finale had to be one of the biggest disappointments I have ever witnessed. Again, I wont spoil anything for those who have yet to watch it, but there were many problems with how this series concluded. I really hope they get back to what made it so good at the start. I would give this first season of Heroes a B-. I feel like that is so harsh considering how great the early episodes were, but the sloppy way they ended things just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

24 – Oh 24, how did this happen? You go from an emmy award winning season 5 to this. He first four episodes had a ton of promise for this season, but every single episode after that just sucked. This was a horrible season of 24 filled with soap-operaish nonsense. Why do Jacks family members look absolutely nothing alike? His Dad is a 6’4 tall, gangly guy, yet his brother is a short, bald fat man and here is Jack somewhere in the middle. They trotted out the same storylines they have used in previous seasons of 24 yet without any of the drama and intensity. God this was such a disappointment this season. I had to force myself to finish this season it was so bad. They really need to reboot and restart this series from scratch. This gets a D. Only reason it’s not an F is because the first four episodes were very good.

The Office – Best season of The Office yet. Many, many laughs had all season long and a satisfying ending that may finally lead to the thing we all have been wanting since the start. I am sure I will be quoting off of this season all summer long. Michael’s suicide awareness day, the introduction of Andy Bernard, Michaels increasing hatred of Toby, and Dwight being Dwight made this season so great. This season had many hilarious moments and will certainly be purchased on DVD (hopefully Blu-Ray!) when it comes out. Solid A, only reason its not an A+ is for the line “I’m going to kill Jim Halpert”.

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Rule #1 - Take Control of the Jukebox

What is worse than walking into your favorite bar on a Friday or Saturday night then no tunes? Everybody loves the sweet melodic sounds of music to go with their drinking. Beer and music, its simply meant to be. So some of you out there on the internet may not know what to do if you walk into a bar and hear no music (being an internet person the fact you don’t know what to do may result from a high degree of social awkwardness and poor personal hygiene practices; please consult a doctor first). So let me give you a quick list of 10 songs that are sure to get the bar rocking. There is nothing better than being the Friday night hero because you chose the right songs. There is also nothing worse than being the Friday night asshole because you picked 98 Degrees because you thought it would make things "hot". So here you go.

10) Pretty much any Sublime song - "What I Got" is of course the most recognizable, but pretty much any Sublime song will do the trick of creating a mellow, cool kind of flow to the bar. Its the Sam Adams of bar music, always a good choice.

9) Whitesnake "Here I Go Again" - There is a very good chance you will get drunken women to try to imitate Tawny Kitaens dance from the video. This alone is worth the price of admission on making this one of your bar selections. Don’t fuck it up kid.

8) Dire Straits "Money For Nothing" - Everybody knows it, everybody loves it but usually people forget about it! Don’t expect blocky, circa 1986 computer graphic movers to come to the bar though, despite that still will get people singing along. After all we all know that you can get your money for nothing and the chicks for free.

7) Foreigner "Cold as Ice" - The opening lick and subsequent "You're as cold as ice!" is certainly one of the more anthemia parts of music. It will certainly get more than one person who knows no other part of the song except that mumbling uncomfortably with you and then belting itout. An awesome power.

6) Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name" - Ideal for the patented sing-along and point at someone technique. Its always good if when a song is playing if you can imitate in someway the words as you are singing along, it makes it so much more effective. This will undoubtedly end in a bar full of people pointing at each other. Eh, you could do worse.

5) O.A.R. "Crazy Game of Poker" - Personally, I go for this first, but it is a tad obscure for most people. Those who know it and get it will love you. Those who don't will just sigh and say "What the fuck is this shit, its like 20 minutes long". Oh well, you are taking a chance here but you will be a hero to some.

4) AC/DC "You Shook Me All Night Long" - You will see at least one person do the Angus guitar hop. It will happen and you will laugh. Everybody loves AC/DC. How can you not?

3) Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me" - This is just a great god damn song. You have no excuse if you do not play this. the sexual overtones, the cranking guitar riffs and the chorus that the entire world knows. A winner will be you my little internet friend.

2) Bon Jovi "Livin on Prayer" - Yes, Bon Jovi on the list twice. Yes, they are that awesome and in an expanded list you would see more Bon Jovi. This however, is the ultimate Bon Jovi song. Nobody can hit that high note on the second "wooo-oh Living on prayer", but nobody cares. The song rocks way too much to give a shit.

1) Journey "Dont Stop Belivin" - The number one, can’t miss hit in bar songs everywhere. No matter where you go, no matter what time, when this comes on the bar sings along. There is possibly no better song ever written for drunken bar crowds than this. You sir, will be king when you put this in the old jukebox. I guarantee it.

There you have it folks. You play these 10 songs and you will find success on your bar jaunts. Of course, there are many, many more that will elicit positive reactions from the bar, but you are going to have to find those out for yourselves friends.

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Its on FIRE, get out!

Public transportation is always exciting. It's a box of chocolate just like Gump said and everyday is different. But unlike a box of chocolate there's no helpful guide on the back of the cover giving you a map to the "delights" you're about to have.

Regardless, lets have a taste of this Russian Roulette ..err.. I mean variety pack. Yumm this one is good, nice and cool. The AC must be working which is always a good thing. Oh what about this one... this one is okay, your everyday commute that you consume in bulk. This.. ewww, who ever thought of putting 'someone didn't take a shower' flavor should be shot specially if the 'flavor' lasts for the whole trip. You picked the express, TASTY! Hmm I wonder what this one is...hot hot hot. Muy caliente!

I got out of the house and thought that it'll just be my luck today to see the bus drive away. Soon as turned around the corner I see it there staring at me from 40 yards away at the stop. Should I even try? I think the driver saw me cause it stayed there for a good time so I decided to do a courtesy trot, you know to make it look like I'm atleast trying. Hey what do you know I made it.

Now I should have thought something was wrong when the driver was surprised to see me. He was just waiting there for nothing. He was just there chillin and was making extended wait on everystop. So 4 stops down he stops, rolls (I hear clicking from back) and then the engine dies. I looked to the window and HOLY SHIT it's like Silent Hill and all I see is smoke. Literally I could not see the road through the window the smoke was so thick. The driver got up, looked back and calmly said 'Hey guys, something burned out but it's cool' Atleast this guy can keep his cool.

Well the smoke was mostly the automatic fire extinguisher, cop rolled by to check everything was okay and I got a transfer for the coming up behind us. So after the spicy variety I got I ended up with a regular trip today to work. All in all I don't mind the spicy one, I just pray I don't get the stinky one on the way back.

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Minesweeper Is Serious Fucking Business

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I'm Green With Envy

Its a conspiracy. I really believe so. Why is there always a ratio of 2:1 Green Line trains to Yellow Line trains at the L'Enfant metro station?

It never fails. Every time I go home from work I look up at the sign and lo and behold all I see is:

GRN Branch Ave 3
GRN Branch Ave 7
YLW Huntington 12

In addition to this the single yellow line train that actually comes is always a 4 car train, while the green line trains are 6 car trains. This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the fact that the green line trains are almost universally empty while the yellow train is packed to the gills.

I mean seriously WMATA, is there that much demand to go on the Green Line Ghetto Tour that you need to run two 6 car trains per every 1 4 car yellow line train? Even the most amateur of urban planners can tell that at rush hour traffic more people are going to be coming from the city going to the suburbs of Alexandria and Arlington. They will probably not be going to U Street, Prince Georges Plaza or West Hyattsville.

I don't get it and I never will, and every afternoon when I'm sandwiched between two fat smelly guys I wonder just who the hell designed this schedule.

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Things I've Overheard

Recently I was at a party. Being the social butterfly I am I overheard some awesome things, that must be repeated. While none of them are brilliant thoughts or Confucian wisdom, I thought they were funny to have heard because soemone actually said these things. discuss:

1. It's one thirty in the morning. I am not nearly drunk enough
2. but theyre in the way. <--- this was said while playing shuffleboard, in which pucks being in the way are pivotal to the game.
3. Youre drinking beer out of a can?
4. Do you have any good music? <-- This was said to the DJ, who played alot of crappy music.
5. Hey the black guy won. <-- this was referring to a game of connect four in which much battling was going on, but the person with the balck checkers had already got connect four,a dn failed to see it

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Opening Day

Remember back in grade school during P.E. class they taught you a version of baseball that all kids could play, and understand, but few would completely and totally master? We called it kickball. Fast forward 20 years and I find myself involved in the very same league. Competitive league adult kickball. Think "beer league" in softball. we have been waiting for this day for months now, got a full team created and now, for the first time:
Nancy Drew and the Pardyboyz Kickball team. I know what you're saying... haven't you guys been playing for two season now? the answer is yes, but never been OUR team, we were just a small group attached to some other team. So, last Saturday, on tenth anniversary of WAKA Kickball, we had our inaugural opening day.
It started out great, donning of the new team uniform. White on Spruce Green Shirts look great and match the sweet new hat I had done by Lids.com
Our fielding was pretty shut-down defense as we let no runs score for close to three of five innings. Our offense was nowhere to be seen however as anything that left the infield was quickly gobbled up by their center fielder. this reporter was disappointed to pop out to the pitcher and hit a grounder to their third baseman, downing one of our runners int he later innings. While we closely rallied in the bottom the fifth, with two runners on and two outs, a pop up to the pitcher ended our day early and sent us to the bar. All-in all, 3-0 wasn't bad for a team that last year was losing to much higher scores, even getting run-ruled a few times.
the flip cup however, was another sad situation as on of our veteran flippers refused to play and rules that I was used to from previous season were not the rules we play by now in this league.
On a best of five run, we lost five straight, and did not even compete for a win once. Being a drinker that is used to dominating others in competitive drinking games, it was depressing to not even get a chance to flip in a winning situation once. All-in all, It was a bittersweet day, for ND&TPBZ, and we retired early from the public eye to lick our salted wounds in some bitter brew. See you next week, and here's to hoping its a better one.

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Probably worst than we thought

The Nats Suck.
Whats worse, is they are far exceeding the level of suckage i thought they would be at. Wheres the hustle out there? I have seen balls drop in for extra bases against the nats that should have been caught, but they just didn't want to run to catch it. Also seeing base runners pull up well short of the base they're running to. cutting short what should be hits for extra bases into nothing. Most of the problems are all baseball fundamentals. Stuff that would get you benched in Little league(which is my favorite heckle now BTW) for screwing up. Stuff that Frank Robinson wouldn't put up with. Watching Livan Hernandez throw a no-no into the sixth on Sunday was awesome too. That was good move to let him go away. I almost wanted to see the no-no after watching the nats do a half-ass job. They weren't even trying to swing the damn bat half the time. Playing what, two rookies in a starting lineup? is a good idea too. long time vets that we had like Alfonso Soriano were waaay overrated i suppose. How did we not even try to trade to get something for him? Is it just me, or does Belliard just LOOK slow and sloppy. Bellaird has no head for second base. He's too damn slow. I mean, remember when Vidro had second on lock down? remember when our defense was actually solid? Our defense is like swiss cheese nowadays. Isn't this the natiaonl league? Isn't this supposed to be the league of low scores and great defensive baseball? The third base coach is killing us. Not sending runners, holding runners at their base, not making runners tag up and run. Man, I do a better job at Third base coach in kickball than this dude does in the major leagues. Why is no one swinging the bat? how many strikeouts did I see where guys watched pitches go by deep into the count, then swing at garbage to hit a foul ball to keep them at the plate? SWING THE DAMN BAT!

Look, Manny Acta, I refuse to call you coach. Frank Robinson was a coach that knew the game of baseball and the strategy involved. When you earn the coach title from me ill call you coach. until then I call you Manny.
I can play second base, but I'm better in the outfield. I can steal bases and know when to run. I offer up my services to the nationals either as third base coach or at second base. last name is Bland, and I like the number 34. Ill be sitting in the 500 sections where kids don't sit so I can cuss you out Manny. I'm ready to play. DO SOMETHING. YOUR PLAN IS NOT WORKING

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This bar SUX

So yesterday we go over to help Harold and Chrissy move into their new place across from Pentagon City mall. its a pretty sweet corner apartment overlooking Pentagon row. After all the moving, we decide to go to the food court and get some grub and check to see if Champps is busy for the college games yet. An incredible boon happens and tehre is a large table for all of us, and hose who are planning to meet us later (encycloperida red ,and a few others). One razy friend of ours decides that going up to G-town would be a great idea to watch G-town play.
Are you kidding me? georgetown is going to be standing room only, you wont be able to ge a beer, and you really want to party with those yuppie kids that shop at J. Crew and Ambercrombie? Polo shirts with popped collars? That not my scene and neither should any of my friends' scene be that way.
So luckily, he decides to stay and sit at this prefectly huge table and be waited on by a good waiter named shane. we ran a HUGE bar bill but otherwise had a kickass itme. and georgetown lost so it pretty much meant that I had a good time.
Afterwards, we decide to go to a bar that i had saw from Harold and Chrissy's apartment. Now generally, i am pretty good at finding bars regardless if its a bar or not. Now bear with me. this gets good.
Now i've been tellign everyone wwe need to check out this bar that I saw from the window. the tenth floor window. Easily enough, I persuade everyone to follow my lead.
Now which abr is this? encyclopedia asks.
See that DB right there?
yeah, its where I baought my jeans.
Umm, excuse me, where you bought your jeans?
yeah its called denim bar.
Right, but its not a bar? thats crap.
Thats not fair, anythign called "____ bar" should be a bar.
I had eight people followiung me to a Jeans store?!?!??! Fuck.
Denim bar, you assholes, you suck.

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AND another thing

I was reading my previous blog, because I'm narcissistic like that, and I was thinking...
"ain't that some shit."
See, i was was walking down Pennsylvania the other day with Ramona , and we were walking behind these two la-la-la girls. You know the type. Their current events usually come from the pages of magazines like Us, and People weekly. Their outfits are straight from the pages of Cosmo and Vogue. Sex and the City was for them, a piece of great Americana. Their sunglasses are slightly smaller than the windshields on a city bus. you know the type.
At any rate they were talking, and in mid-sentence this girl stops what she's saying, looks around, and very quietly continues to describe the person she was talking about " a black girl".
I looked at Ramona. she looked at me
"did that shit JUST happen?" she asks me
"holy shit, it did."

Which brings me to my point. why
Why is it when people tell off-color jokes, or just make a comment for that matter, they look around? As if it were not safe to speak of such things. I'm not just talking about inappropriate jokes. I'm like, talking about the guy at work who is **looks around** a black guy. I wasn't saying anything bad. I just had to look around to see if it was safe. People nowadays will look around to finish a sentence more than they will look both ways to cross the damn street!
Which brings me to my second point. why not?
Why does no one do this when saying something completely inappropriate about a Hispanic person? are we not the people from Scarface, MS13, American Me, the fuckers who make your Chipotle burritos delicious? We invented the fucking Colombian necktie and the Cuban cigar fuckers. You better start looking around before you start telling jokes about immigration and migrant farm workers. we get stabby assholes.
All I'm saying is why is that people will get all scared to say the word "black person"? but have NO PROBLEM telling a wetback joke? that's garbage.
Orele Holmes.

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Vindication. thanks Harold

Please review the following video as sent to me by Harold and his purple crayon:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7841918711943453918

I hate Carlos Mencia. The fact that he is unoriginal as well just tops it off. But he's a Hispanic Comedian and you make those jokes all the time!! you say?
I say of course I do, it's funny. I think it's completely ridiculous that this mofo is making so much money and got a dumb show off of jokes I've been telling and hearing since the day i was born man. I also do not agree with alot of "hispanic" racial jokes anyways. Most "mexican" jokes are things that aren't really "jokes" anyways. Theyre like "When I was a kid we fit so many people in the car" jokes. Those aren't jokes, that shit happened. They're lame. Funny cuz it's true only works SOMETIMES. AND JOKES only workwhen youve heard them the first thousand times. everytime after theat, they get less and less funny. Like what does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts. hahahah. see. not funny anymore.
Further, the whole reason most comics are funny is because its original. ever go see a comic on tv. and think "hey i've heard this one beofre" or at a party and someone tells a joke. and starts off with "stop me if youve heard this one. Chances are he ripped it from someone else and it wont be funny. ewspecially if you already know the punchline.
Carlos Menica is garbage and now I have more reason to hate him. thanks

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Commercials that Need to Die

Okay, so as many of you know, I have more free time on my hands now most would like. So what does one do with this great gift? Well watch TV of course! So I've compiled a list of segments that can ruin a great half hour of television. In no particular order...

1. Direct TV: the guy is at a speed dating gathering and to every prospective date he starts the conversation with the promising opener, "Do you wanna make $50 the easy way?" But what he doesn't tell the ladies is that by turning them on to Direct TV he gets $50 himself. Yep, operating like a true pimp.

2. Proactiv: doesn't matter which celebrity is plugging this acne reliever, the commercials are always a 5 minute long AA testimonial. The fact that I'm not watching Dukes of Hazzard or Herbie:Fully Loaded probably means that I don't want Jessica Simpson or Lindsay Lohan on my TV.

3. Any NutraSystem commercial: Whether it is the over 40 ladies who are now their husband's "trophy wives", Zora of Joe Millionaire fame saying she is back to her high school weight, or even the footballers who say that their wives, "Don't find them as disgusting as she used to" or "I'm back to my playing weight." And I really don't want to hear any more about the advanced technology of the glycemic index.

4. Bowflex: Although I am bothered my all of the Bowflex commercials there is one that makes me throw up in my mouth a little. He is 49 years old plays in a "rock band" and has a real bowflex body. Plus, it involves one of my major pet peeves, men with shaved heads who have facial hair. Mid-life crisis alert!

5. Jared-the galleria of jewelry: While these commercials have thankfully died since Valentines Day they bothered me enough when they were constantly playing to merit notice. It didn't bother me that people buy jewelry for their significant others, what got to me was that everyone else was impressed, jealous, or spiteful about it. How many emotions can you tie behind, "He went to Jared"?

6. Free Credit Report.com: "I'm thinking of a number between 450 and 850, know what it is, it's my credit score and it happens to be 720. Like any true commercial that practices trickery, the fine print is that "your free credit report is dependent on enrollment in triple advantage" (which of course costs money!)

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Guess He Should Have Won Them All

Marty Schottenheimer was fired last night after going 14-2 with the San Diego Chargers this year. I have always known than the world of professional sports was one filled with giant egos that clashed often. Usually though, winning and success are the great equalizers. Any amount of friction and ego clashing can be cured if you just win (baby). Look at TO and the Eagles, when the year they made the Super Bowl TO was not a problem. The next year, when they started losing more all of a sudden that whole thing blew up. It happens time and time again, winning usually solves everything. Not in this case though.

Marty Schottenheimer is one of the greatest NFL head football coaches of all time. He took a San Diego team that wasn't doing much of anything and turned them in to winners. He took an unknown running back out of TCU and turned him into a record breaking future hall of famer. He lost Drew Brees and was left with the unproven and young Phillip Rivers and he managed to turn Rivers into a true leader of that football team. Yet the general manager didn't like him. He didn't like the fact that Marty wanted to hire his son as one of his coordinators. You would think with the pedigree that Marty has built throughout the years and with San Diego, he would be entitled to not have his assistant coaching decsions questions. Sadly, that was not the case.

I have no doubt that Marty will go on and continue his successful career. I am also sure that whomever San Diego hires will also do very well, they have too much talent on that team not too. However it is sad that you can have as good a season as Marty did and still be shown the door just because the GM doesn't like you. I can only hope that karma comes back to bite the Chargers.

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They Make It So Easy

Fox News make me laugh. The fact that I subjected to it 8 hours a day against my will has certainly turned me somewhat loopy I'm sure. I don't think they intend to be comedic. Judging from the tone of their anchors, programs, and bumper vignettes It would appear to me they would rather scare you than amuse you. I however am endlessly amused by them.

The Dixie Chicks won 5 grammys last night. I am not really a Dixie Chicks fan and I don't really have a take on their worthiness of a grammy or not. Fox News however does. Watching the morning mutual masturbation Fox News show "Fox & Friends" this morning, I could tell someone at FNC was none too happy about the "communist" Dixie Chicks winning. They went on and on, making sarcastic references and comments as they are apt to do on that show. They of course then decided to tear down the grammys as well, pointing out that Jimmy Carter won "Best Spoken Word" album and how that proved a vast left wing bias.

Here is what I just don't understand. Who gives a shit? Who cares if the Dixie Chicks won 5 grammies? Is that really the problem with the country? The Dixie Chicks? You would think the giggle gang on Fox and Friends would have better things to rant against then the Dixie Chicks. Of course straight, just the facts relevant reporting is not exactly something Fox is known for. So if you ever want to find out the real threats to America, just turn on Fox News and you'll find out which actor or singer is going to be our downfall.

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Shocked? No, Not Really...

It's very interesting watching the media cover this story of Anna Nicole Smiths death. The continuing theme that I am picking up on is a sense of surprise over this. The question I ask is why?

For many years all the evidence and all the coverage of Anna has shows somebody who was definitely on some sort of illicit substance. Yet, it was always only hinted upon, and those closest to her never came out and said anything or much less did anything to fix that. It was like watching a trainwreck, and in the end, yes the train derails. Her reality show a few years back showed a woman who was very much in the depths of drug and alcohol addiction, yet it was played up as a farce and something to laugh at. Those around her were the biggest enablers on this problem, and also the most aware of a problem. Yet, they did nothing, because the strung out and drunk Anna were the keys to the money car. It should come as surprise to no one, especially those guilty in watching this happen with front row seats, that she died in this way.

The second point on this is the sudden outpouring of affection for her. Why is it that when someone dies, that they suddenly become "great people" or their accomplishments are lauded. Yet, while alive they were the laughing stock of most of the media and public. Its the elephant in the room of celebrity. You look at bands like The Doors, Nirvana, and Sublime. These guys while certainly good and successful while they were alive have achieved an almost godlike persona in the media. Its like because they died young and in their prime that they are untouchable. I am sure the same treatment that has been given John Belushi, Chris Farley and Bill Hicks will be given to Anna. I guess you can never criticize a dead person.

While certainly a tragedy that anyone dies for any reason, this death should not come as a shock to anyone who has been familiar with her life in the past decade. It should more be used as a lesson of not only the dangers of over abuse of substances, but a lesson to those around such people. If there were more personal responsibility and care for these people by their entourage, then they might still be alive. Oh yeah, but that might stop the money train from pulling in to the station.

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National Disgrace?

I am a Washington Nationals fan. There, I said it. Saying that out loud is something akin to shitting yourself in public. Half of the people run away from the stink and bile, the other half laugh at you as you sit in your own filth. Being a National fan is like being a baseball pariah, never expect to be taken seriously.

This years team should go a long way towards continuing that feeling. Much like standing around wallowing in your own shit, watching this team this year will be an uncomfortable and probably rather smelly experience.

The offseason saw the Nationals lose many players ranging from all-star to decent role players. Alfonso Soriano, Jose Guillen, Jose Vidro, Livian Hernandez, and Tony Armas, Jr. will all be suiting up with different clubs this year. The Nationals made no moves of importance this offseason and seem to be rather happy with what they will be trotting out there this long, hot summer. Nick Johnson (1B) is coming off of a very serious injury and is questionable if he can still play well. Felipe Lopez (2B) is being moved over to an unfamiliar position and already was a defensive liability to begin with, his bat is average at best. Cristan Guzman (SS) is coming off a season ending injury last year, while good when he played for the Twins, the last time we saw him play for the Nats he was struggling to maintain a .160 average. Ryan Zimmerman (3B) is perhaps the only promising player in the lineup this year, he put up rookie of the year type numbers last year and looks to improve on that this year. Brain Schneider (C) is still a very good defensive catcher but is no great shake at the plate. The outfielders are a mix and match of career minor leaguers and journeymen, I don't expect much to come out of them this year.

If possible the pitching situation may be even in more dire straits, and yes, money for nothing is exactly what the Nats are getting out of it. John Patterson is perhaps the only legit starter, though he struggles at times and on a good team he would at best be a third starter. The rest of the rotation is guys you have never heard of and I expect the rotation will change many times throughout the season. The only bright spot is perhaps the bullpen. With the return on Luis Ayala and Ryan Driese the bullpen looks like it could maintain fairly well, especially if Cordero plays as he did in 2005.

Overall, don't expect much out of these guys this year Nationals fans. The final year at RFK will be much like the first two, lots of losses but a pretty damn fun time nonetheless. The only pieces of advice I have for the 2007 Nationals season is wear a diaper and always bet on Abe to win the races.

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96 Hours of News

I just got through watching a "breaking news" story on Fox News Channel about an airplane with its landing gear up. This "story" involved a good 20-25 minutes of watching a small airplane fly around burning its fuel and then landing. That’s it.

I don't seem to remember this being news back about 10 years or so ago. Now, in our world of 24 hour news coverage I ask, what is really news? Do we really need 4 separate 24 hour news stations? Is there really that much interesting, newsworthy things happening in the world? Or has our definition of what makes news sunk to such lows that 25 minutes is wasted on a damn Cessna with busted landing gear in Marietta, Georgia?

Now the same channel has followed up with another 15-20 minute discussion/news piece on if fashion models weight should be regulated by the government. Are these the issues facing the country? We have a war going on where soldiers are being killed daily, a debt that is so far in the toilet it will take decades to get out of, presidential campaigns are starting up and moving across the country, the entire country of Somalia is and has been in anarchy for 12 years, and it goes on and on. Forget all of that though; let’s spend 80 percent of our news intake on fashion models, Cessna planes and crazy astronauts.

Remember when you would hear the "This is an NBC News special report" or something like that and you knew something serious has happened. It would almost always send a chill down my spine just hearing that. However, now everything from a car chase in LA (a daily occurrence) to a warehouse fire in New Jersey (another daily occurrence) are treated as "breaking news" and "developing stories".

Maybe it is because I sit next to the TV at work and am subjected to this each and every day. But I am so, so tired of all these stories and all this effort being wasted on such stupid, non-news stories that do not belong on the air. There has to be a better use for this very expensive airtime. Don't you think?

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Stop Everybody...Now, Panic!

So you know this thing in Boston? This thing where they shut the city down because they thought they had found some terrorist bombs? This thing were it turned out these "terrorist devices" were nothing more than advertisements for the show Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Yeah, that thing. So what did these terrible, horrible, fear inducing devices actually look like? I mean they must have been pretty intimidating to shut down an entire cities transportation network. Well, here is what they were:



Well at least if these lite brites were terrorist devices, they had a sense of humor about it. Nothing like getting blown up while laughing at a little cartoon dude giving you the finger. Here is the deal. I am a fan of the show this advertisement was for, I know who this character is and I find this entire situation entirely too hilarious on one hand, and entirely too overblown on the other. In the cartoon, excuse me, animated adventure this guy is part of a team of "bad guys" from the moon. They come to earth and get involved in ridiculously stupid and petty crimes in some plan to cause havoc. They are always woefully inept, however it appears they were able to shut down Boston.

Now do people in Boston just have beans for brains? Possibly. Before you chastise me for not taking this serious enough and applauding Bostons vigilance, let me let you in on an underreported facts about this. These "devices" had been up for three weeks, not only in Boston but in 11 other US cities, including New York City. How many phone calls to 911 were received? How many reports to the FBI made? How many bomb squads called to detonate a cartoon character? ). Zilch. Nada. Not a single call in three weeks about these devices. Not a single complaint.

I stand a 1 in 88,000 chance of being involved in a terrorist attack. I also stand a 1 in 77 chance of being killed in my car driving to work. We spend a billion zillion dollars on counter-terrorism, we have entire agencies devoted to stopping terrorist attacks, it dominates the news coverage everyday (especially Fox News, they like to really scare you). We spend a fraction, an almost infinitesimal fraction of the spending and resources we provide to anti-terrorism on the National Transportation Safety Board. We worry ourselves all day that we are willing to shut down entire cities based on just the mere possibility that some neon bar sign could be a terrorist device. Yet you never see political pressure put on our elected officials to put more funding into repairing roads, into regulating auto industry safety standards, into better enforcement for those who violate traffic laws. Nobody talks about that, we are all worried about getting blown up by a trash can. Why? Because that's what Fox News tells us we need to worry about.

I am willing to live with the small percentage chance that I could be killed in a terrorist attack. Afterall, I live with these chances everyday. I have a better chance of being hit by lightning than being in a terrorist attack. If having to give up some of the securities in my life in order to maybe prevent the widespread panic that sets in whenever a suspicious object is found, I am willing to do so. I would much rather see the resources, the money, and the coverage be put to such things as funding cancer research or heart disease research (the number 2 and number 1 killers in America). To me that seems a wiser place to put our efforts than wondering if that cartoon character giving me the finger is going to suicide bomb me.

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