An Easy Identification Guide

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TV Season In Review!

I pretty much watch four TV shows. Well five if you include The Sopranos, but that is on such a crazy schedule it’s hard to plan around it. Lost, Heroes, 24, and The Office. Well since they have all had their season finales I think its time for a review of each one. I am bored with nothing else to do and its been a week since last posting so I am going to do this. Like it or not.

Lost – This season started out slow. Dragging out the Kate, Sawyer, Jack imprisoned thing for six episodes was way more than that storyline needed. However this show picked up and did it ever pick up. Two terrible episodes were around; the one about Jacks tattoos was pointless. Who gives a shit about how Jack got his tattoos? I mean, come on. Also the one with Nikki and Paulo getting killed by the spiders and buried alive was utterly pointless. That however was the only negative on what I think was the best season of Lost they have had yet. The last 6 or 7 episodes were all without question mind blowing phenomenal. I don’t want to spoil anything here in case somebody reading this is going to watch them later or on DVD or something, but every episode leading up the finale was amazing. The finale itself was perhaps the greatest episode of TV of all time and totally changes everything with how this show works. I’m not even joking or being a nerdy fanboy on this, it was all seriously that awesome. Despite the early slowness and two bombs of episodes this season of Lost gets a solid A.

Heroes – I’m going to one up Charles Dickens and tell a tale of three cities. The first city was the “Save the cheerleader, save the world” city. This was the first run of episodes of Heroes from like September to November and it was nothing short of awesome. The entire storyline of ordinary people discovering extraordinary abilities was brilliant and every episode built on the other and this just dragged you in. I remember staying up until 4 AM watching the entire first run of episodes. The second city is the “Are you on list?” city. His was the second run of the series from like January-late February. This was still pretty good but didn’t quite match the brilliance of the initial run. One great episode though was here is the one about the back-story on Mr. Bennett. Other than that it was good TV, not bad at all, pretty entertaining. The third city however was the last run of the series from April-Season Finale. This is when the wheels came off. Writing got sloppy, acting was poor, plot holes erupted and logical fallacies were inexcusable. The season finale had to be one of the biggest disappointments I have ever witnessed. Again, I wont spoil anything for those who have yet to watch it, but there were many problems with how this series concluded. I really hope they get back to what made it so good at the start. I would give this first season of Heroes a B-. I feel like that is so harsh considering how great the early episodes were, but the sloppy way they ended things just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

24 – Oh 24, how did this happen? You go from an emmy award winning season 5 to this. He first four episodes had a ton of promise for this season, but every single episode after that just sucked. This was a horrible season of 24 filled with soap-operaish nonsense. Why do Jacks family members look absolutely nothing alike? His Dad is a 6’4 tall, gangly guy, yet his brother is a short, bald fat man and here is Jack somewhere in the middle. They trotted out the same storylines they have used in previous seasons of 24 yet without any of the drama and intensity. God this was such a disappointment this season. I had to force myself to finish this season it was so bad. They really need to reboot and restart this series from scratch. This gets a D. Only reason it’s not an F is because the first four episodes were very good.

The Office – Best season of The Office yet. Many, many laughs had all season long and a satisfying ending that may finally lead to the thing we all have been wanting since the start. I am sure I will be quoting off of this season all summer long. Michael’s suicide awareness day, the introduction of Andy Bernard, Michaels increasing hatred of Toby, and Dwight being Dwight made this season so great. This season had many hilarious moments and will certainly be purchased on DVD (hopefully Blu-Ray!) when it comes out. Solid A, only reason its not an A+ is for the line “I’m going to kill Jim Halpert”.

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Rule #1 - Take Control of the Jukebox

What is worse than walking into your favorite bar on a Friday or Saturday night then no tunes? Everybody loves the sweet melodic sounds of music to go with their drinking. Beer and music, its simply meant to be. So some of you out there on the internet may not know what to do if you walk into a bar and hear no music (being an internet person the fact you don’t know what to do may result from a high degree of social awkwardness and poor personal hygiene practices; please consult a doctor first). So let me give you a quick list of 10 songs that are sure to get the bar rocking. There is nothing better than being the Friday night hero because you chose the right songs. There is also nothing worse than being the Friday night asshole because you picked 98 Degrees because you thought it would make things "hot". So here you go.

10) Pretty much any Sublime song - "What I Got" is of course the most recognizable, but pretty much any Sublime song will do the trick of creating a mellow, cool kind of flow to the bar. Its the Sam Adams of bar music, always a good choice.

9) Whitesnake "Here I Go Again" - There is a very good chance you will get drunken women to try to imitate Tawny Kitaens dance from the video. This alone is worth the price of admission on making this one of your bar selections. Don’t fuck it up kid.

8) Dire Straits "Money For Nothing" - Everybody knows it, everybody loves it but usually people forget about it! Don’t expect blocky, circa 1986 computer graphic movers to come to the bar though, despite that still will get people singing along. After all we all know that you can get your money for nothing and the chicks for free.

7) Foreigner "Cold as Ice" - The opening lick and subsequent "You're as cold as ice!" is certainly one of the more anthemia parts of music. It will certainly get more than one person who knows no other part of the song except that mumbling uncomfortably with you and then belting itout. An awesome power.

6) Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name" - Ideal for the patented sing-along and point at someone technique. Its always good if when a song is playing if you can imitate in someway the words as you are singing along, it makes it so much more effective. This will undoubtedly end in a bar full of people pointing at each other. Eh, you could do worse.

5) O.A.R. "Crazy Game of Poker" - Personally, I go for this first, but it is a tad obscure for most people. Those who know it and get it will love you. Those who don't will just sigh and say "What the fuck is this shit, its like 20 minutes long". Oh well, you are taking a chance here but you will be a hero to some.

4) AC/DC "You Shook Me All Night Long" - You will see at least one person do the Angus guitar hop. It will happen and you will laugh. Everybody loves AC/DC. How can you not?

3) Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me" - This is just a great god damn song. You have no excuse if you do not play this. the sexual overtones, the cranking guitar riffs and the chorus that the entire world knows. A winner will be you my little internet friend.

2) Bon Jovi "Livin on Prayer" - Yes, Bon Jovi on the list twice. Yes, they are that awesome and in an expanded list you would see more Bon Jovi. This however, is the ultimate Bon Jovi song. Nobody can hit that high note on the second "wooo-oh Living on prayer", but nobody cares. The song rocks way too much to give a shit.

1) Journey "Dont Stop Belivin" - The number one, can’t miss hit in bar songs everywhere. No matter where you go, no matter what time, when this comes on the bar sings along. There is possibly no better song ever written for drunken bar crowds than this. You sir, will be king when you put this in the old jukebox. I guarantee it.

There you have it folks. You play these 10 songs and you will find success on your bar jaunts. Of course, there are many, many more that will elicit positive reactions from the bar, but you are going to have to find those out for yourselves friends.

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Its on FIRE, get out!

Public transportation is always exciting. It's a box of chocolate just like Gump said and everyday is different. But unlike a box of chocolate there's no helpful guide on the back of the cover giving you a map to the "delights" you're about to have.

Regardless, lets have a taste of this Russian Roulette ..err.. I mean variety pack. Yumm this one is good, nice and cool. The AC must be working which is always a good thing. Oh what about this one... this one is okay, your everyday commute that you consume in bulk. This.. ewww, who ever thought of putting 'someone didn't take a shower' flavor should be shot specially if the 'flavor' lasts for the whole trip. You picked the express, TASTY! Hmm I wonder what this one is...hot hot hot. Muy caliente!

I got out of the house and thought that it'll just be my luck today to see the bus drive away. Soon as turned around the corner I see it there staring at me from 40 yards away at the stop. Should I even try? I think the driver saw me cause it stayed there for a good time so I decided to do a courtesy trot, you know to make it look like I'm atleast trying. Hey what do you know I made it.

Now I should have thought something was wrong when the driver was surprised to see me. He was just waiting there for nothing. He was just there chillin and was making extended wait on everystop. So 4 stops down he stops, rolls (I hear clicking from back) and then the engine dies. I looked to the window and HOLY SHIT it's like Silent Hill and all I see is smoke. Literally I could not see the road through the window the smoke was so thick. The driver got up, looked back and calmly said 'Hey guys, something burned out but it's cool' Atleast this guy can keep his cool.

Well the smoke was mostly the automatic fire extinguisher, cop rolled by to check everything was okay and I got a transfer for the coming up behind us. So after the spicy variety I got I ended up with a regular trip today to work. All in all I don't mind the spicy one, I just pray I don't get the stinky one on the way back.

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Minesweeper Is Serious Fucking Business

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I'm Green With Envy

Its a conspiracy. I really believe so. Why is there always a ratio of 2:1 Green Line trains to Yellow Line trains at the L'Enfant metro station?

It never fails. Every time I go home from work I look up at the sign and lo and behold all I see is:

GRN Branch Ave 3
GRN Branch Ave 7
YLW Huntington 12

In addition to this the single yellow line train that actually comes is always a 4 car train, while the green line trains are 6 car trains. This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the fact that the green line trains are almost universally empty while the yellow train is packed to the gills.

I mean seriously WMATA, is there that much demand to go on the Green Line Ghetto Tour that you need to run two 6 car trains per every 1 4 car yellow line train? Even the most amateur of urban planners can tell that at rush hour traffic more people are going to be coming from the city going to the suburbs of Alexandria and Arlington. They will probably not be going to U Street, Prince Georges Plaza or West Hyattsville.

I don't get it and I never will, and every afternoon when I'm sandwiched between two fat smelly guys I wonder just who the hell designed this schedule.

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