Recent conspiracy theories

1.) The Moon video from NASA... first of all, the FES http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm should be all over this. NASA had to go to HOLLYWOOD?!?!?! to "fix" the video because they "erased" the original tapes because they thought they would have to re-use it???? fuck man, were times so tough that NASA's blank check on space exploration did account for extra tape? the fact that th FES already think Hollywood made the Apollo missions ona sound stage in the valley somewhere only gains strenght when they go to hollywood to fix the footage. What... are they gonna pull the sets out of storage?? Fuck man, dont do shit that keeps the conspiracy alive. 2.) The Florida family murder... Alright, it may be too soon. but bear with me. a) That house wasnt a house, that was a F'ing COMPUND. It has been stated that the guys in custody expected the security system to be off because they had a person ready to disable. apparently that person never showed up. I find it odd that they all knew eachtoehr from working as oddjobsmen ont he property...so they had knowledge of the layout. Here's my theory. It was the eldest daughter.a) the eldest daughter would have knowledge of the security systemb) the eldest daughter would know the men from working ont he propertyc) the eldest daughter knows how much her parent are worth.d) she may have felt that her parent didnt love her since they adopted so many other kids...e) she got jealous.f) she wasnted to ensure she would receive money fromt he will, instead of it going to the adpoted special needs kids, which would severley deplete the inheirtance.g) She hired the gardner, and his cronies to off the parents.h) she left the security system on in order that they get caught. The only hole in my theory is how they could have been hired but not know it was her at the same time. otherwise, they would have dropped dime onm her already. am working out how she could have hired them via proxy, so they would have no knowledge who the "security expert" was, or that she planned the whole damn thing.

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Quimby's Queries #1

Do you think people ever fart in your face on the escalator?

Think about it, when you're riding 2 or 3 steps behind someone on the escalator you are at face level with their butt. If they wanted to, or just accidentally let one sneak out, they could quite easily fart directly in your face.

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Quote of the Day

"This change comes in a tea bag."

This quote is courtesy of RNC chairman Michael Steele. Stand alone, of course my mind went right into the gutter and I had myself quite the hearty chuckle, but Mr. Steele was referring to the Republican grassroots movement. Okay, my mind is still in the gutter and it's still a little funny. But apparently Mr. Steele was referring to those tea bagging hippies who reject big government every April and throw Tea Parties to protest having to pay taxes. I guess that's who the RNC is courting these days. But hey, if your government is doing something you don't like, you have the right to protest for change, even if you have to tea bag to get it.

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You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

You know what really grinds my gears? When people ride the escalator all the way up to the tippy top. You know what I'm talking about? All the way up to where the stairs become flat and get recycled into the escalator again. It's like they can't be bothered to walk until the last possible second when they absolutely have to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those annoying people who charge up the escalator at full speed, I enjoy the ride, but I will usually take the last 5-10 steps just to get the journey started. But sometimes this is foiled by the esca-rider who must squeeze every ounce of automation out of the moving stairs. When those annoying esca-bounders are flying by to my left I am stuck and must ride the ride to the tippy top, standing to the right for the entirety of my journey.

So to you esca-rider, move it or the top of the escalator will eat your shoelace.

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My take on Vegas and Atlantic City

This is my inaugural post and it’s about something that has been burning me since Harold’s birthday. Feel free to comment, and I am pretty sure there are many egregious English mistakes littered throughout so I pre-apologize.

Having returned from my recent trips to both Vegas and Atlantic City, I must say that I am slightly upset with the direction Las Vegas is heading. I don’t mean the large urban sprawl or the fact that they may run out of water in the next few years. I am talking about the half naked bimbo card dealers that are taking over the place. I know some of you would be surprised that Paddington Bear doesn’t want a half naked woman dealing him blackjack. I will get to my reasons soon enough. First let’s look at how this phenomenon is taking over. The first appearance and the only reason me and my group of buddies went to Hard Rock Casino was to check out these supposed barely clad dealers. Sure enough, when the sun went down, the bikini dealers took over the tables. Not only were they dealing the table games they also had pole dancers mere feet away. Now I won’t lie, I did enjoy this for a while and it was even better when we moved on to the PH (Planet Hollywood) which has what they call the “Pleasure Pit” where the poll dancers are even closer and the dealer wore even less. But I soon found this trend was taking over, Caesar’s Palace has the Pussycat Dolls dealer area and Luxor was installing a Cathouse dealer area. I am sure there’s more to come. So why don’t I like this trend? Because these great looking dealers don’t know how to be dealers, a good dealer will talk to the table and play up the cards. Not a single one of the “hot” dealer really interacted with the table. I split aces once and she just flipped the cards over, a good dealer knows how to build the anticipation and deal the card face down and come back to me last after I have sweated out a gallon of water wondering what cards are going to come up. Some of my favorite times at casinos have been with good talkative and entertaining dealers, mostly older women and chipper men.

So this leads to Atlantic City which doesn’t really hold a candle to Vegas, yet I didn’t see a trace of the half naked dealers while there. But I did manage to have a great time with normal dealers who knew how to play up the game. I forget her name but I played with an old feisty dealer in her sixties and she knew how to be a great dealer! I enjoyed Atlantic City and I think they are going in the right direction if they add some more updated casinos like the Borgata and say clear of the bimbo dealers. As hard as it might be to believe, if I came to gamble, I want to gamble, if I came to stare at boobs I wouldn’t want blackjack to get in the way of my boob viewing!

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So the best thing to come out of the swine flu mass histeria shockingly enough came from reality TV. Coincidently, when the world was coming to an end Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (collectively known as Speidi) from faux-reality show "The Hills" "fame" decided to put on a show and get married. And where did they decide to go for their honeymoon in the midst of all this swine flu chaos??? Cabo San Lucus, Mexico of course!! Yes, retards. Apparently Heidi was also shooting a music video (ya, she's multi-"talented"). Below is a picture of the newly weds enjoying the beach on their honeymoon.




What I love about this picture is the possibilities. Are they going to get surgical mask tan lines? There's no one on the beach, who are they going to catch swine flu from? At least they are protected from passing oral herpes to each other. And at least we are protected (at least momentarily) from the verbal diarrhea that inevitably is spewing from their mouths (not to mention Spencer's creepy flesh colored beard).

What a couple of cool looking idiots...

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