On Sports

I understand what people are upset with Michael Phelps about. I just don't think people are putting it into the right words to sports heads for them to buy into the argument of "role-model" vs. Athlete. The difference is pro athlete vs. Olympic athlete for one thing. they are completely different on a few levels. the argument about good performing athlete vs. poor performing athlete also come into play on this article. below is my argument concerning both points.



1. Michael Phelps is in the wrong because he is not a pro athlete, per se. When Vick got busted, he only embarrassed him, and the ATL Falcons organization. When Pacman Jones want to "make it rain" in da club, he embarrasses only himself, the Dallas Cowboys, and Jerry Jones... except not anymore. But Michael Phelps doesn't play for a privately owned organization (that's another argument entirely). He plays for USA. he represents, you, me and everyone here. The Charles Barkley argument is moot. "you're not paying me to be a role model, you're paying me to win" Remember when he played for the first dream team, and he was making those poor Lithuanian B-Ballers look ridiculous? the difference is that he acted the fool only on the court. He still acted right off the court. All his off court drama has only come up in recent years.



2. The other argument is about Good athletes get away with more. This is entirely true. Good players don't lose endorsements or get cut from teams. some players get more than one chance.

I will use a relevant case: Olympics. Bode Miller. Once thought to be the MOST dominant Super-G skier int he world, team USA let his lifestyle choices and choice to not train with the team actually slide. he actually said on record hat he partied often till the early morning hours drunk of his ass before an actual competition.(okay, not in those words, but not far off). team USA let that slide. but then Bode Miller, seemingly choked in every Big competition we instantly shun him, and talk badly about him. Being bad in the second tier Olympics is bad enough, but bad lifestyle choices as well... you get nothing. If anything, Michael Phelps choose wisely while he was still relevant. The summer Olympics were only a few months ago, people still care about him and he's still doing commercials for all kinds of crap. He will too, for another year, or until he screws up again and gets his third strike. As soon as he becomes irrelevant, like Marion Jones was when she came out with her performance enhancing drugs, he will get crucified like Marion Jones. and then we'll give them a book deal and an Oprah interview.
Remember Lance Armstrong came up hot in multiple tests for certain drugs? he'd already won 7 tour de Lances by then... that's right, they renamed it for him. think yellow... remember that? before lance, yellow was the color of Tour de France winner jersey not much else. Not a bracelet fad. We all let that shit go, because not only was he a winner, but he also had a hot as hell wife who was also at the top of her game. It was only until he started a bromance with naked bongos Maconnaughy and spider-boy Maguire did we start thinking he was a bit off... so what does he do? announce hes gonna ride again. and we completely forget about drug tests.
speaking of McGwire. Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa... NO ONE cared about drugs when they were at the height of their Homerun derby. We just wanted to see the Homeruns. And they were positively great human interest stories too. Sammy always giving big ups to mom and god with the kissy faces, and McGwire was an all American good ol boy. whats not to love?
then along come big bad Barry bonds. who is an ass hat with a baseball glove. you can be a cheater and you can be good. but you cant be an asshole about it. Do not get a reality about the harsh world of a poor millionaire that plays a game for job. that's a dream, you can be an asshole while living the dream.

speaking of dreams.
I had a dream the other day. i had a dream I was playing relief pitcher for the Washington nationals. I remember waking up and going... "hmm, this could happen" Because every kids want s to play Shortstop or 1st base for the yankees... those are hardcore dreams. but a national? who dreams about that? apparently me. here's the thing... It COULD Happen. the Natties are the worst team in a screwed up game. they cant seem to sign their college picks. They cant seem to trade their valuable guys for something valuable(Jon Rauch, Alfonso Soriano)in fact, they just let them go. They cant seem to make any waves int he FA market. we almsot had Texeira, but then baseball villain DEVIL IN PINSTRIPES come along and offers him the one thing we cant.. money.
that's the problem with baseball. the NY devils can sign anyone they want to sit the bench for millions of dollars. and still sell their jerseys. the Nats cant sell a ticket. shit, they cant GIVE away tickets. and we'll stick with Manny Acta while he makes terrible decisions late in games witha 5-0 lead and watch as the Bullpen gives up five runs on five pitches... all homeruns. swear, it felt that way last season.
speaking of bullpens and dreams..
so there i was, called in from right field bullpen to the mound and natties park. my first professional baseball game. the natties are up 3-0 in the 6th inning. I'm not even the closer. shit, all I gotta do is get this to the 8th inning and I'm good. i don't even have to strike anyone out, I just cant give up a home run. and then i hear it, the stadium announcer:
"now pitching, number double zero, "Superfudge"" well, they use my real name, but I replace it here with my pen name. yeah, I'm double zero. Milledge wears 34 already and I don't have the dough to pay for it. that's the thing, i can work for cheap. 1.5 million that's all I ask. that aint shit. i need the .5 to pay for my superagent Drew Rosenhouse. he's an awesome agent.
really, I don't remember too much, but I remember waking up, after getting lit up on the mound like christmas eve. i think I gave up like ten runs or something. and thinking, damn, for the natties, that was pretty good. and I started breaking in my glove the next day.

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Trouble in Paradise

So after my post warning about some of these guys the Nats have signed this season it looks like Elijah Dukes is the first out of the gate with serious attitude problems. Will be interesting to see if this is just an isolated incident or if there are serious troubles ahead with team chemistry.

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National Mall a National Disgrace?

So there is an article in todays Examiner about DCs delegate to congress (non voting member of course) spoke about how the current state of the national mall is pitiful and needs $500 million in repairs and renovations.

As one who frequents the national mall on a somewhat regular basis for kickball amongst other things I have to say I couldn't agree more that the current state of the national mall is nothing short of embarrassing. I'm not sure it presents the best image of America to visitors both foreign and domestic when they see the torn up lawn that is mostly dirt holes with a few sparse patches of grass here and there, the cracked and uneven sidewalks, and the fetid reflecting pools that are just gigantic breeding grounds for mosquitoes and lined with pollen and trash. So there is no doubt, in my mind at least, that the national mall needs some serious sprucing up. However, I am fairly certain that it should not cost $500 million to re sod the grass, repave and fix the concrete sidewalks and to drain, clean and install proper reflecting pools that support good waterflow. That seems a little bit excessive for what should really be just a facelift. Of course, as with everything here in Washington, nothing is what it seems on the surface.

Looking more into the $500 million dollar proposal, it would appear that they don't just want a good scrubbing of the mall, they want to totally redo it. They want to add areas for restaurants, attractions and other such touristy type amenities that I personally believe at best are totally unnecessary and at worst contradictory to the very ideas of what the National Mall is supposed to be about. It is supposed to be a wide open, pastoral place in which to reflect on the country and to gather in the shadows of the great monuments. Not a place to grab lunch and catch a movie, it really would take away from the gravitas that a place like the National Mall is supposed to have.

So yes, lets clean the place up, in its current state it is an embarrassment to the city and the nation but lets just leave it at that, I really dont want to be playing my next game of kickball in the shadows of the Washington Monument, Capitol Building and the Golden Arches of McDonalds.

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Really?...REALLY?!?!?!

My office is really a converted walk in closet attached to someoneelse's office. But it's my office now. It has enough room for my desk and stuff. However, the TV is perpetually stuck on CNN and it cycles all day. this is the part of work that i missed while i was unemployed. In a 24 hour news cycle they will rotate stories five, six times day, yet have to cut away during interview and debates for "breaking news" or because they are "out of time". This is ridiculous. why, instead of just recycling the story every fifteen minutes or so, just finish the damn story? it's not like they even ADD anything new, a new point of view or anything, its just repeated B roll footage they're repeating. it's worse than TV re-runs, because at least with reruns, you can be all "ooh, I remember this one! I love this one!" with new repeats its just.. hey they're talking about the governor and his hoes again! but nothing new.


here's a thought, why is it, that the drug czar guy is always the guy who gets caught rolling through south beach with 10 kilos of Primo Colombian ya-yo taped to the underside of the dash and in balloons up his booty hole, and a bloody nose? really? REALLY?? really. So you tell me why the story about the NY Governor who wanted to stamp out Prostitutes is a preferred customer of some "modeling agency" called Emperor's Club V.I.P.? I get it bro, I saw you on the news, you're not a good looking dude by ANYONE's judgement. In fact he kinda reminds me of the Cajun character Eduard Delacroix from Green Mile. But seriously, if you're gonna champion something, like ridding mob activity drugs, and prostitution from you're city and state, you should not be a customer of said activity. really.

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A P.M. in the AM

One of the coolest places in D.C. is Adams Morgan. The great thing about Adams Morgan is that it's like Georgetown, without actually BEING Georgetown. On any given night in Adams Morgan you can see people dressed tot he nines trying to get into exclusive clubs along with frat boys in shorts and flip flop sandals. The appeal being that in one four block radius, you can find dive bars sharing the same walls with these mega-clubs with exorbitant cover charges and selective entry that have been the rage as of late. All along 18th and Columbia NW, the old converted row houses are peppered with bars, clubs, and fast food carry-out mom and pop shop restaurants that stay open later than the clubs, so partiers can have something to fight back the munchie monsters that usually come on after a long night of drinking, dancing, and other debauchery that happens in places like these.

Adams Morgan has long been a big Latino neighborhood, mostly central American nationalities like Guatemalans and Salvadorian. That being the case there are many slsa clubs drawing more people in. herein on of these places, called Habana Villages we set our tale.

I got there after work and met up with some new friends of ours. It was hot outside, and even hotter in the small crowded discotech. I needed something refreshing, Mojito was all I was thinking. A drink called almost too refreshing by Ramona, it was right on time for me. It was a bit full of the mint leaves, and I spent quite a lot of time either checking to see if i had leaves stuck in my teeth, or actually trying to pick the leaves out. I wasn't at all int eh mood for beer, which is odd for me, or other mixed drinks. I did try a Chivas and coke,, but it DEFINITELY wasn't what i was looking for. After the club kicked us all out, we went to probably the GREATEST reason for a night out in Adams Morgan. Jumbo Slice.
Jumbo Slice is a giant slice of pizza that can only be bought by the slice. choices include pepperoni, and cheese. They call it Jumbo slice because it is. the slices don't fit on the standard paper plate. it takes two. its infinitely greasy. and the most delicious thing at that time of night. By this time, the metro was closed and i slept on a friends couch. I fell asleep with a full belly, and dreamed of Ramona.

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WORK SUX

I know what you're saying:

"Welcome to the work force superfudge. That's why it's called work, and not fun time."

But i have a VERY unique situation as to why, currently, work totally sucks ass. I haven't had a day off in three weeks. I know what you're saying. "you must be getting overtime through the nose." sadly, I'm not, one of the downfalls of being a federal contractor. All they can do is promise me time off later. which is lame. coming to work and hearing people say things like:
what are you doing this weekend
One more day left
i cant wait for tomorrow
I had the raddest party last weekend
Did you see the latest movie out in theatres
These are all totally disheartening. I cant stand coming to work right now. I'm totally on edge and have become quite easily irritated. I get annoyed at the drop of a dime. fuckin' dimes, why they always gotta be dropping. anything and everything that pisses me off normally, drives me crazy right now. Ramona has been very understanding as of late because of this and she's been a lifesaver several time over recently. But this shit sucks. I want to be able to stay at home and sleep, not worry about having to go to work in the morning, not worry about nothing but ME. and i know this sounds selfish, but not has been looking out for ME lately, and its time for some ME time. so work sux.

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Rule #1 - Take Control of the Jukebox

What is worse than walking into your favorite bar on a Friday or Saturday night then no tunes? Everybody loves the sweet melodic sounds of music to go with their drinking. Beer and music, its simply meant to be. So some of you out there on the internet may not know what to do if you walk into a bar and hear no music (being an internet person the fact you don’t know what to do may result from a high degree of social awkwardness and poor personal hygiene practices; please consult a doctor first). So let me give you a quick list of 10 songs that are sure to get the bar rocking. There is nothing better than being the Friday night hero because you chose the right songs. There is also nothing worse than being the Friday night asshole because you picked 98 Degrees because you thought it would make things "hot". So here you go.

10) Pretty much any Sublime song - "What I Got" is of course the most recognizable, but pretty much any Sublime song will do the trick of creating a mellow, cool kind of flow to the bar. Its the Sam Adams of bar music, always a good choice.

9) Whitesnake "Here I Go Again" - There is a very good chance you will get drunken women to try to imitate Tawny Kitaens dance from the video. This alone is worth the price of admission on making this one of your bar selections. Don’t fuck it up kid.

8) Dire Straits "Money For Nothing" - Everybody knows it, everybody loves it but usually people forget about it! Don’t expect blocky, circa 1986 computer graphic movers to come to the bar though, despite that still will get people singing along. After all we all know that you can get your money for nothing and the chicks for free.

7) Foreigner "Cold as Ice" - The opening lick and subsequent "You're as cold as ice!" is certainly one of the more anthemia parts of music. It will certainly get more than one person who knows no other part of the song except that mumbling uncomfortably with you and then belting itout. An awesome power.

6) Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name" - Ideal for the patented sing-along and point at someone technique. Its always good if when a song is playing if you can imitate in someway the words as you are singing along, it makes it so much more effective. This will undoubtedly end in a bar full of people pointing at each other. Eh, you could do worse.

5) O.A.R. "Crazy Game of Poker" - Personally, I go for this first, but it is a tad obscure for most people. Those who know it and get it will love you. Those who don't will just sigh and say "What the fuck is this shit, its like 20 minutes long". Oh well, you are taking a chance here but you will be a hero to some.

4) AC/DC "You Shook Me All Night Long" - You will see at least one person do the Angus guitar hop. It will happen and you will laugh. Everybody loves AC/DC. How can you not?

3) Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me" - This is just a great god damn song. You have no excuse if you do not play this. the sexual overtones, the cranking guitar riffs and the chorus that the entire world knows. A winner will be you my little internet friend.

2) Bon Jovi "Livin on Prayer" - Yes, Bon Jovi on the list twice. Yes, they are that awesome and in an expanded list you would see more Bon Jovi. This however, is the ultimate Bon Jovi song. Nobody can hit that high note on the second "wooo-oh Living on prayer", but nobody cares. The song rocks way too much to give a shit.

1) Journey "Dont Stop Belivin" - The number one, can’t miss hit in bar songs everywhere. No matter where you go, no matter what time, when this comes on the bar sings along. There is possibly no better song ever written for drunken bar crowds than this. You sir, will be king when you put this in the old jukebox. I guarantee it.

There you have it folks. You play these 10 songs and you will find success on your bar jaunts. Of course, there are many, many more that will elicit positive reactions from the bar, but you are going to have to find those out for yourselves friends.

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I'm Green With Envy

Its a conspiracy. I really believe so. Why is there always a ratio of 2:1 Green Line trains to Yellow Line trains at the L'Enfant metro station?

It never fails. Every time I go home from work I look up at the sign and lo and behold all I see is:

GRN Branch Ave 3
GRN Branch Ave 7
YLW Huntington 12

In addition to this the single yellow line train that actually comes is always a 4 car train, while the green line trains are 6 car trains. This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the fact that the green line trains are almost universally empty while the yellow train is packed to the gills.

I mean seriously WMATA, is there that much demand to go on the Green Line Ghetto Tour that you need to run two 6 car trains per every 1 4 car yellow line train? Even the most amateur of urban planners can tell that at rush hour traffic more people are going to be coming from the city going to the suburbs of Alexandria and Arlington. They will probably not be going to U Street, Prince Georges Plaza or West Hyattsville.

I don't get it and I never will, and every afternoon when I'm sandwiched between two fat smelly guys I wonder just who the hell designed this schedule.

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Opening Day

Remember back in grade school during P.E. class they taught you a version of baseball that all kids could play, and understand, but few would completely and totally master? We called it kickball. Fast forward 20 years and I find myself involved in the very same league. Competitive league adult kickball. Think "beer league" in softball. we have been waiting for this day for months now, got a full team created and now, for the first time:
Nancy Drew and the Pardyboyz Kickball team. I know what you're saying... haven't you guys been playing for two season now? the answer is yes, but never been OUR team, we were just a small group attached to some other team. So, last Saturday, on tenth anniversary of WAKA Kickball, we had our inaugural opening day.
It started out great, donning of the new team uniform. White on Spruce Green Shirts look great and match the sweet new hat I had done by Lids.com
Our fielding was pretty shut-down defense as we let no runs score for close to three of five innings. Our offense was nowhere to be seen however as anything that left the infield was quickly gobbled up by their center fielder. this reporter was disappointed to pop out to the pitcher and hit a grounder to their third baseman, downing one of our runners int he later innings. While we closely rallied in the bottom the fifth, with two runners on and two outs, a pop up to the pitcher ended our day early and sent us to the bar. All-in all, 3-0 wasn't bad for a team that last year was losing to much higher scores, even getting run-ruled a few times.
the flip cup however, was another sad situation as on of our veteran flippers refused to play and rules that I was used to from previous season were not the rules we play by now in this league.
On a best of five run, we lost five straight, and did not even compete for a win once. Being a drinker that is used to dominating others in competitive drinking games, it was depressing to not even get a chance to flip in a winning situation once. All-in all, It was a bittersweet day, for ND&TPBZ, and we retired early from the public eye to lick our salted wounds in some bitter brew. See you next week, and here's to hoping its a better one.

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Probably worst than we thought

The Nats Suck.
Whats worse, is they are far exceeding the level of suckage i thought they would be at. Wheres the hustle out there? I have seen balls drop in for extra bases against the nats that should have been caught, but they just didn't want to run to catch it. Also seeing base runners pull up well short of the base they're running to. cutting short what should be hits for extra bases into nothing. Most of the problems are all baseball fundamentals. Stuff that would get you benched in Little league(which is my favorite heckle now BTW) for screwing up. Stuff that Frank Robinson wouldn't put up with. Watching Livan Hernandez throw a no-no into the sixth on Sunday was awesome too. That was good move to let him go away. I almost wanted to see the no-no after watching the nats do a half-ass job. They weren't even trying to swing the damn bat half the time. Playing what, two rookies in a starting lineup? is a good idea too. long time vets that we had like Alfonso Soriano were waaay overrated i suppose. How did we not even try to trade to get something for him? Is it just me, or does Belliard just LOOK slow and sloppy. Bellaird has no head for second base. He's too damn slow. I mean, remember when Vidro had second on lock down? remember when our defense was actually solid? Our defense is like swiss cheese nowadays. Isn't this the natiaonl league? Isn't this supposed to be the league of low scores and great defensive baseball? The third base coach is killing us. Not sending runners, holding runners at their base, not making runners tag up and run. Man, I do a better job at Third base coach in kickball than this dude does in the major leagues. Why is no one swinging the bat? how many strikeouts did I see where guys watched pitches go by deep into the count, then swing at garbage to hit a foul ball to keep them at the plate? SWING THE DAMN BAT!

Look, Manny Acta, I refuse to call you coach. Frank Robinson was a coach that knew the game of baseball and the strategy involved. When you earn the coach title from me ill call you coach. until then I call you Manny.
I can play second base, but I'm better in the outfield. I can steal bases and know when to run. I offer up my services to the nationals either as third base coach or at second base. last name is Bland, and I like the number 34. Ill be sitting in the 500 sections where kids don't sit so I can cuss you out Manny. I'm ready to play. DO SOMETHING. YOUR PLAN IS NOT WORKING

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AND another thing

I was reading my previous blog, because I'm narcissistic like that, and I was thinking...
"ain't that some shit."
See, i was was walking down Pennsylvania the other day with Ramona , and we were walking behind these two la-la-la girls. You know the type. Their current events usually come from the pages of magazines like Us, and People weekly. Their outfits are straight from the pages of Cosmo and Vogue. Sex and the City was for them, a piece of great Americana. Their sunglasses are slightly smaller than the windshields on a city bus. you know the type.
At any rate they were talking, and in mid-sentence this girl stops what she's saying, looks around, and very quietly continues to describe the person she was talking about " a black girl".
I looked at Ramona. she looked at me
"did that shit JUST happen?" she asks me
"holy shit, it did."

Which brings me to my point. why
Why is it when people tell off-color jokes, or just make a comment for that matter, they look around? As if it were not safe to speak of such things. I'm not just talking about inappropriate jokes. I'm like, talking about the guy at work who is **looks around** a black guy. I wasn't saying anything bad. I just had to look around to see if it was safe. People nowadays will look around to finish a sentence more than they will look both ways to cross the damn street!
Which brings me to my second point. why not?
Why does no one do this when saying something completely inappropriate about a Hispanic person? are we not the people from Scarface, MS13, American Me, the fuckers who make your Chipotle burritos delicious? We invented the fucking Colombian necktie and the Cuban cigar fuckers. You better start looking around before you start telling jokes about immigration and migrant farm workers. we get stabby assholes.
All I'm saying is why is that people will get all scared to say the word "black person"? but have NO PROBLEM telling a wetback joke? that's garbage.
Orele Holmes.

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Vindication. thanks Harold

Please review the following video as sent to me by Harold and his purple crayon:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7841918711943453918

I hate Carlos Mencia. The fact that he is unoriginal as well just tops it off. But he's a Hispanic Comedian and you make those jokes all the time!! you say?
I say of course I do, it's funny. I think it's completely ridiculous that this mofo is making so much money and got a dumb show off of jokes I've been telling and hearing since the day i was born man. I also do not agree with alot of "hispanic" racial jokes anyways. Most "mexican" jokes are things that aren't really "jokes" anyways. Theyre like "When I was a kid we fit so many people in the car" jokes. Those aren't jokes, that shit happened. They're lame. Funny cuz it's true only works SOMETIMES. AND JOKES only workwhen youve heard them the first thousand times. everytime after theat, they get less and less funny. Like what does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts. hahahah. see. not funny anymore.
Further, the whole reason most comics are funny is because its original. ever go see a comic on tv. and think "hey i've heard this one beofre" or at a party and someone tells a joke. and starts off with "stop me if youve heard this one. Chances are he ripped it from someone else and it wont be funny. ewspecially if you already know the punchline.
Carlos Menica is garbage and now I have more reason to hate him. thanks

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Monday after

This morning when i woke up the world seemed a little more gray, even though the sun was out. Even though it was cold, the cold seemed to bite at me just a little bit harder. The decorations that had gone up last night just seemed to have dulled. My case of the Monday morning blues seemed bluer. The taste in my mouth was so much more bitter, and the minor hangover this morning seemed just a little more painful.
The thing that hurts the most is actually seeing your team get to the Superbowl and lose. It would probably hurt less if we didnt make it to the playoffs. Being that close and seeing your team lose pulls at your heartstrings like the end of Old yeller and Dirty Dozen. Having to wait for so long for your team to be good makes it hurt even more. It was tough putting on my beanie, knowing the orange C logo atop my cold head would bring looks of ridicule. Waiting for the Shuttle to pick me up for work was a lonely wait. My heart dropped suddenly last night when I realised it was too late to come back. I sat in stunned silence, hat in bears blue pulled low over my eyes as if it ward off the imagery projected in my 50 inches of DLP HD on my Samsung official Tv of the NFL, but the tiny mirrors were not fogiving, as I was forced to watch it all unfold. I could still hear the tragedy unfold in Dolby digtal 5.1 surround sound. The only thing that made the night go by faster was that I was surrounded by good friends. Some not Bears fans, but supporters of a friend's team. Their teams being washed out in earlier phases of the 16 weeks of NFL season. The only thing that makes for a brighter outlook: two weeks until pitchers and catchers report for spring training, an NFL draft to aid my Chicago bears in the future, and Key elements like Lovie(Big Pimp daddy Bear)Smith, Brian(Big Bad Bear)Urlacher,and Olin(The O-line) Kreutz signed to long term contracts. thanks for the awesome season CHI-town.

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BAD PARENTS

OK, so during research for my previous article I came across some VERY FUNNY STUFF. I like reading people's reviews of film. and I was amazed at the comedy gold found on Netflix. Below is the short synopsis for a movie entitled "The Cheerleaders"

Jeannie (Stephanie Fondue) is the new girl on the Amorosa High School cheerleading squad … and the last virgin in school. She really wants to give it up to the right guy, but all her good-hearted attempts go awry. High school was never like this! Kim Stanton and Jovita Bush fill out the squad, and Russ Meyer perennial Patrick Wright plays the coach.

OK, keep in mind that this movie is of course rated R. It was made in 1973 and probably has some sweet bom-chikka-bomwow guitar riffs for a soundtrack. Also it stars a actor by the name "Richard Meatwhistle" who no doubt probably goes by the name Dick. dick meatwhistle stars in this movie. Below is the review posted by a VERY irate customer.

Kari Hunold
5 out of 47 people found this review helpful.

I am furious about this movie. I found this movies cover to be decieving and it being rated R is so far off. My daughter added this to our queue thinking it was another movie like bring it on and bring it on again. To my suprise it is full of nudity and inappropriate sexual scenes for my childen ages 11 and 15. This movie needs to clearly state that it is basically porn instead of making it seem like an innocent movie my children would enjoy. I am completely astounded that this movie is still being passed on as rated R and that it is ok for children under 17 to watch so long as the parents watch this porn with them.

1. Cheerleader fetish movies were a staple of the porn idustry for YEARS.
2. Rated "R" doesnt mean its ok as long as you watch it with your parents. It means its Restricted.
3. Did you not read the synopsis??!?!
4. Any movie related to Russ Meyer is NOT FOR THE KIDS
5. Richard Meatwhistle and Jovita Bush???!!!!!

I would have LOVED to have been a fly on the wall int he living room. Imagine this: a nice family with their two youngsters sit down with some freshly popped popcorn, greasy butter oozing over their hands and faces. The lights are out and they pop in "The Cheerleaders". at what point do you realize youre watching softcore with your kids? Do you now have to have "the talk" with your children 11 and 15. obviously the parent above probably didnt because she wants netflix to tell her kids what movies she can allow her kids to watch and will probably have soemone else do her job when it does come time for "the talk". You do realize that rated R doesnt mean they say the "F" word a few times. It means theres probably going to be some TITTIES. There will be softcore sex a la USA channels "up all night" but with the boobies.
I'm very sick of parents expecting someone else to do their jobs for them. Isnt there a "recomends these movies also" when youre 11 year old put it in your queue? Did you not sit at the computer with your child as they surfed the internet? ever see Dateline? the rated system is a guideline people. And also it says why its rated r right on the movie sleeve. Rated R for AL, AC, N, SC, L, V, G, AV. just so you know now thats:
Adult language
Adult Content
NUDITY
SEXUAL CONTENT (my personal favorite)
Language
Violence
Gore
Animated violence

Chances are youre not reading labels, and you expected someone else to raise your kids. get a grip, screen a movie before you let your kids watch it. be wary of movies youve never heard of before. people like Richard Meatwhistle arent exactly members of the Screen actors guild. Just because netflix users gave it five stars doesnt mean its five stars from a nice parent with kids. And it doesnt mean the five stars that Finding Nemo got isnt the same five stars given to movies like Flesh Gordon. It means its five stars from a dude that was looking to do the five knuckle shuffle without having to pay internet fees, or going into the adult section in the movie store. And just cuz youre kid tells you its like Bring it on doesnt mean it is. damn people.

BTW- Eric recomends you see THE CHEERLEADERS.

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How it all went down

Ok. so I know Harold beat me to the punch, but I am still gathering my senses from Friday to get the story right, and tell the story a coupla times to make sure it was actually worth telling. It totally is. Please be sure to read HArold and his purple crayon's entry for furhter details. Here's how it all went down.

My DD, Harold and Ramona strolling down King street to find that one underground joint that staid open late. I had to peee so bad. Let me say that I did not choose the place that my bladder would scream "I'm full", the place chose me. I peed. response from the gallery "You reaqlize youre pissing on a church."
"no its a church fence"
"Its the fence and on the other side its a graveyard."
silence from the group. I look over my shoulder. A cop is sitting at the intersection.
"thats's cop isn't it?"
no answer.
I look over my shoulder, in full stream. A cop is watching me defile hallowed ground. My friends have disperserd. I zip up and walk away; in full stream. It stings. The cop ignores me. I say I'm sorry to God. I meet back up with the group.
After my slight run-in with the fuzz we decide that we should cut our losses, and go home. But first we stop at the NY deli for late night sammmiches. On our way out of the deli, our DD gets into his car to unlock the doors and take us home. From up the street we see an insane man running and screaming "hit and run hit and run"
the cop sitting at the red light next to us does not hear.
This drunk Armada driver next to us sees the cop in front of her and tries to squeeze in front of DD's car and the fuzz. She makes it about half a block away before being pulled over.
" What the fuck just happened?" I exclaim
"She hit my car" DD replies.
Genereal consensus is to watch the proceedings and wait fo the cops to come. Apparnetly we all forgot the the amnsety I was granted five minutes ago. So as we amble over to the scene, we are joined by the twenty odd some other young people who are drunk, and want a little more extra entertainment before taking off for the cold metro ride home. I keep searching for "drunk girl in alexandria" on Youtube hoping for some cell phone footage.. sadly i cant find any. Thats when every cop in old towne show up to the scene. Even the cop who caught me pissing on Gods lawn.
I think God heard my prayer, because said cop came over to get names, but nothing else. thats when it got good.
This chick in her armada is yelling at all the cops to let her go pee. They shout out back to her to stay in the car. Cops all have a meeting back near the squad cars. That when she gets out of the armada and starts blasting. OK, she didnt blast, but she did have a cell phone and was talking with her mom, and was yelling at the cops to talk to her mom because her mom will tell them that she has insurance. She was short, and her curly hair going everywhich way. Obviously drunk. It took two cops to slap her in cuffs and put her in the squad car. She screams that she is going to sue them all for police brutality. She says she is being falsley arrested. The cops start searching her truck. She screams no one is authorizrd to search my vehivle. She says they are searching her vehicle under false pretenses......
I say to myself... that is awfully legal mumbo jumbo the drunk girl is spouting. She driving a very expensive SUV. Georgerown LAW? i thinks to myslef. I hope she gets to see the inner workings of our nations very interesting legal system.
She says to a cop again "I have to pee"
we hear a cop say " Shit, this is my take home car"
quckly.. a take home car are those very nice police cars with the leather seats. they are not the squad cars with bench seats that they can just spray down with a hose if theres blood, piss and whatever back there. and a very drunk girl has to pee. HAHAHAHA
She sees Ramona Quimby and I standing there. she says "Please tell them I have to pee."
"Chick, we were in the car you just hit." we weren't, but what the hell.
she says "I have money, I'll pay you, please tell them I have to pee." FUCK did a very rich bitch just try to buy me? Now I fucking hate her.
Ramona Quimby then gets all crazy with the rich bitch and starts taunting some serious shit. and i mean just saying some nasty kinda stuff.. I started to feel bad for the chick in the cop car. then I was reminded that this rich drunk bitch drives a fattty SUV and called mommy to get out of it, AND tried to pay me too.
"Bitch, you almost killed us and now you want us to help you out???" "FUCK YOU" I say, and try to pull Ramona off of her, now in full tirade of insulting things to say.
Thinking this might possibly be against the law, provoking a person in custody and stufff... I DONT KNOW, IM NOT THE RICH KID IN LAW SCHOOL... I tell RAmona lets go, and actually have to pull her arm so she'll walk away.
we go back to DD's car and Harold is nowhere to be seen. Oh there he is, pissing around the corner from the cops... albeit, not on God's lawn.
So the cop that granted me leniency, tell us to follow him in DD"s dented up ride. we go to where Harold used to live, but still pays rent to. Next door, the jail where moussoui used to live and wake me up every morning at 5am as the motorcade took him to court. So Im interested. Adventures is great. we ended up sleeping over at Harolds place since it was like 430 am. I never thought I would end up at jail after a night of drinking. but hey. Thats how the Pardyboyz roll.

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Netflix rulz

I love Netflix. How places like Blockbuster and Hollywood video are still in business I will never understand. The reason I love netflix is that i have been on a "classic film" kick as of recent. You know classic films. they came out when you were a kid and for some reason havent seen them yet? For me, it was full metal jacket, apocalypse now, and the like. To quote Twain... "Theyre the books that everyone wants to have read, but doesnt want to read them." Just swap out books for movies and there ya go. See, I get these sweet movies on DVD, and dont have to buy them. AND I get to keep em for as long as i want. its such a sweet deal. I digress.
Right now on my que, have the Deer Hunter, which i couldnt see because it was R rated. and the Right stuff. I just finished watching chariots of fire, and gotta say was disappointed... Thw movie was long and kinda flat. it was a bit tough to follow the story line with all the flashback scenes and stuff. the movie was OK. I wonder what other movie was made that year that lost the best picture award to this yawn fest.
However, i expect good things fromt he rest of my movies in my list and am looking forward to the THIN MAN series since the first one was sooo hilarious when I saw it on screen on the green a few years ago. I alos LOVE the friends feature so i can see what Shhite my friends are watching, or so I know when to roll over to Harold and his purple crayon's pad to catch a good flick. Or to wonder about HOW incredibly liberal one person can be with Encyclopedias Red's movies. and of course Eric with all the worst B movies of all time so he can catch up on his USA channel up all night movies uncensored so he can see boobies.
Even mom and pop shops where you get obscure movies are done because you can even get faces of death on netflix. simply amazing. SO I wont be seeing you at the movies, cuz Ill be at my house sitting naked on the couch scratching my balls and eating baby carrots and jalapeno ranch dressing. hows that for a damn mental picture

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Winter times

I have always said I write better when im depressed. Its probably why i havent put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, yadda yadda yadda. Recently, Ramona Quimby has left for the holdiays thus making our little cozy house we live in very empty. I have to wake myself up in the morning and dont get to see her when i come home at night. this may seem gross, or whiny to you. Fuck off. But the time alone has me pondering things that I havent pondered in awhile.
It is true that my old roomates didnt like me. However, I had no idea how much until this weekned when I saw two of them on the metro. I waved and smiled because i am a grown ass man, and an adlt. I graduated in high school in 1995 and have never looked back. Apparently, they are living those glory days all over well into their twenties. They saw me, recognized me and turned their backs to me. I want to say that i am glad that they are out of my life, If I still lived there, Dear God, I would be fucking miserable. grow up you three.
Also, a recent occurence. I am an asshole. I do not deny it. My humor is such that it will generally piss you off or offend you if are thin skinned. This comes from several sources:
1. I am short, and as such have little man syndrome, which basically means My mouth makes up for the height i lack.
2. I grew up a nerd and generally instead of being the smart nerd, i was the smart ass nerd.
if i make fun of you, or make you feel like less of a friend. its either because youre a complete fool and deserve it. But more likely is the fact that we're friends and I love you. If at anytime you find me ignoring you, i probably dont like you.
"sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me." So unless I start throwing shit, you have nothing to worry about.

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Bears bandwagoneers

I love talking about football with people. Not so much about the College gaesm, but ill watch becuse its on. But I LVOE NFL football. I have an opinion on most every team, on what they should do, on what they need to stop doing, on whats broken int heir system, and whats right in their system. Recently, I walked in to my swing shift (1330-2130) and I was told that Discussions of NFL football were no longer allowed per instructions from the guy were all subordinate to. WHAT!??! It's monday, what the hell else am I supposed to talk about on Monday?!?! NFL Football of course. It was then revealed to me that this warning was due to the stupid loss by Philedelphia eagles on Sunday. So of course instead of heeding this warning I prodded and made fun of eagles, Eagles, fans, the entire cream cheese swilling city of Phildelphia, speculated on what "brotherly love" actually means and how the philly cheesesteak is a metaphor for and inspiration for the Tom hanks movie. I made the concession the the Boss springstein and Rocky were the only two good things that have come out of Philadelphia. Oh, and the Declaration of independence. Called out on my big mouth, and betting that my team would surely not be faring much better(since there's not a great number of dominant teams this year) I was asked what my team was. I replied, I love da Bears. I was instantly accused of being a bandwagon fan. This of course is fighting words, because my love for the CHI-town Monsters of the Midway go all the way back to 1985, when I saw my first superbowl on tv. I have sat through years of loving my team even through the mid nineties when every team had great QBs. except Chicago. I have sat through more uninteresting and winless football games as most 49er fans have been experiencing ever since the loss of Jerry Rice. I am no Bandwagoneer looking to pack up and move my cheering to another town simply becasue said team is faring better. I hatethe Packers just as much as a Chicago steel worker, more than Fat Tony the pizza guy, and damn near as much as the Superfans from the SNL sketches. I think Jim Mcmahon was an underrated QB, I think coach Ditka is a football genius and a player's coach. I think the Chicago bears have more history than any other team in the NFL. and though we have only one ring, we have more championships than anyone. Simply because we've been winners since beofore there was an NFL. No bandwagoneer can say that. Bear down.

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Trying to play catch up

Ok, so I'm sorry i haven't written anything lately. What makes it worse is that so much has been going on. So here goes. first off, Im back at work after a two month forced vacation... no worrie I was paid, and i did nothing wrong. So yes, i have been living the REAL AMERICAN DREAM9getting paid to do nothing). Heather and i are finally all moved ina throwing a sick Halloweenie party on Saturday. We're going to Be Sonny and Cher. my Chicago Bears are doing great, except for that slight hiccup on Monday night football. My living room straight out of a SAMSUNG commercial witha 50" plasma screen and surround sound. It's glorious. Heather says I am living in Opulence. I love that word. I am glad to not have to ive paycheck to paycheck, and be saving money for the first time in my life. I think the Army really freaked us out to stay in by telling us that we probably wouldnt be making all htat much more when we got out. Maybe I just am completely blessed. Maybe I got lucky as all get out. Im making more money than I ever have, I like my boss, I like the people i work with, and my job is stress free. Getting out of the Army is the best thing I ever did in my life.
KAraoke the other night was awesome. jon and I tore the roof off the joint. What's more is we sat at the circle table next to the stage that is always taken. I loved it. I am looking forward to more good times this year, and Very much looking forward to more blogging to come.

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7 years and eight months.... in review

I signed up for the military because I was bored. basically. and because my Mom nearly dared me to. a week later I was in South Carolina where I learned people outside of the movies actually do say "Y'all", and most dudes from Alabama have at least one golden tooth that isnt a cosmetic cap. All Hispanics are Puerto Ricans, even if your Mexican. Georgia is lame. I moved to germany where I consumed lots of beers, and made lots of friends. I learned that not all women that say they love you mean they love you... for free. Not all men who speak Italian and work in Italian restaurants are Italian. Not all short Aryan bald men who speak german are Nazis. You can get a glass of beer in McD's. You can get a Beer in a movie theater. movies are called films. Summer only lasts two weeks. Winter lasts seven months. David hasslehoff really isnt as cool as they make him seem. Even in Germany. Most war torn countries are actually beautiful. All women from Croatia are fine. until they get old. Alfredo sauce is an American invention. Al Dente?? is the only way noodles com in Italy. Vodka in Poland is wicked. A carton of marlbros in ten bones. You pay by the litre in Germany. and the prices are about the same. 4 bones for a litre. coke is more expensive than beer in germany. football is soccer. Bayern Munich is the bomb. Yankees still suck. and people do listen to techno. but it sucks too. Absinthe is great and I love it. You spen your life trying to get out of hometown, you travel the world, see awesome things, experience things you can oly experience in places like, Munich. Drinking beers by the litre, saying happy new year to the royal family of greece, and drinking with Athenian cops on new years, because we wandered behind the stage of the natioanl celebration, and getting stuck in Munich and finding your way home on the ticket of the John Deere green tractor guys. all that, And I miss home. Kickball is still awesome. The dream-girl you love proabably lived less than an hour away from you at some point, but you had to traverl everywhere to find her. go figure.

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