For the Ladies

While my title may be "somewhat" gender bias, I do feel that this is an issue that the gentlemen should be privy to as well. So when I say "for the ladies" it is more like a cheers rather than a directive. That being said, let's get into it...How many times has a woman's quote unquote irrational behavior been simply attributed to "that time of the month?" While I do admit that many women go a little nutso when they are menstruating, it is a bonafide hormonal imbalance. Put quite simply, it is not our fault, it's biological!

What I'm putting forth is that men too have a "that time of the month" except that it is not so much a monthly thing as it is a whenever they get around electronics or power tools thing. When this occurs females are not allowed to ask questions, offer help, and at many times not even talk. The latter occurs most often when our gentlemen are feeling frustrated by said electronics or power tools. It could be hypothesized that this too is hormonal, having these objects of empowerment might create a surge in testosterone levels, but that is for the sexual behaviorist to decide. What I am simply stating is that carnal emotional outbursts are not the sole property of the fairer sex.

My advice to the sexes is this, men--be nice to your lady when she is feeling overly emotional, it is not the time to make jokes about mental stability; ladies--as much as our instincts and the 60s may tell us otherwise, shut up and occupy yourself elsewhere.

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"Nice Glasses"

It's tough being a self-conscious woman living in a gay neighborhood. Although we publicly outcry the cat-calls, stares, mutterings of "hi momma", and other heninousness that males seem to think might garner positive reactions from members of the fairer sex, we come to rely on those innuendos to keep afloat our gossamer self-image. I find myself purposefully walking by construction sites and the day-laborers outside the paint store just to remind myself that the the Heterosexual Woman Cloak of Invisibility I seem to wear only works in Dupont. Where as I usually would return such remarks as "Little honey, momma?" with the faintest detestable sneer, I now smile and actually thank the men. This will not do. I need to work on listening to my own man and thanking him for his dirty remarks. I need to attempt to internalize the stares and lewd gestures so that when walking around Dupont, only hearing "nice glasses" out of the mouth of a flaming homosexual, I am still confident.

Although, they are great glasses.
:)

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7 years and eight months.... in review

I signed up for the military because I was bored. basically. and because my Mom nearly dared me to. a week later I was in South Carolina where I learned people outside of the movies actually do say "Y'all", and most dudes from Alabama have at least one golden tooth that isnt a cosmetic cap. All Hispanics are Puerto Ricans, even if your Mexican. Georgia is lame. I moved to germany where I consumed lots of beers, and made lots of friends. I learned that not all women that say they love you mean they love you... for free. Not all men who speak Italian and work in Italian restaurants are Italian. Not all short Aryan bald men who speak german are Nazis. You can get a glass of beer in McD's. You can get a Beer in a movie theater. movies are called films. Summer only lasts two weeks. Winter lasts seven months. David hasslehoff really isnt as cool as they make him seem. Even in Germany. Most war torn countries are actually beautiful. All women from Croatia are fine. until they get old. Alfredo sauce is an American invention. Al Dente?? is the only way noodles com in Italy. Vodka in Poland is wicked. A carton of marlbros in ten bones. You pay by the litre in Germany. and the prices are about the same. 4 bones for a litre. coke is more expensive than beer in germany. football is soccer. Bayern Munich is the bomb. Yankees still suck. and people do listen to techno. but it sucks too. Absinthe is great and I love it. You spen your life trying to get out of hometown, you travel the world, see awesome things, experience things you can oly experience in places like, Munich. Drinking beers by the litre, saying happy new year to the royal family of greece, and drinking with Athenian cops on new years, because we wandered behind the stage of the natioanl celebration, and getting stuck in Munich and finding your way home on the ticket of the John Deere green tractor guys. all that, And I miss home. Kickball is still awesome. The dream-girl you love proabably lived less than an hour away from you at some point, but you had to traverl everywhere to find her. go figure.

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For The Big Win!!!

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East Coast Bias

Greetings friends! So glad to be back on my coast of choice. Insert bitter rant and observations about those who live in Orange County but spend all their time trying to emulate those on "The OC." So I'm sure that my vision was temporarily impaired from the constant and overwhelming sight of blonde highlights. And since when is wearing only one shirt not good enough? Everywhere I went I saw girls layering tank tops over tank tops, tanks over shirts, shirts over tanks, shirts over sweaters, shirts over shirts. Decision making is a necessary life skill people! Now to the boys...for those of you who went the lacrosse game (JHU vs. UM) and remember the boys whose hair could not possibly be contained by their trendy trucker/von dutch/ witty quipped hat, imagine a whole county of such pretty boys who are so fashionably disheveled. Those who didn't look like the woke up and found themselves in a Hollister ad were so immaculately groomed they could've passed for a member of the Gotti family. Don't get me wrong, I did have a good time...but as most of you know, my idea of a good time is ragging on people. But I'm definitely super glad to be back where my diatribes have an outlet.

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Insomniac

It is no secret that I am a vagabond and randomly sleep on peoples couches that are nice enough to have me over. Its just with my work schedule, and the fact that I dont like being in the house I pay rent in anymore leads me to travel every few days to a new crash spot. Oddly enough, I can sleep on couches more comfortably than on my own bed. It seems like I havent gotten a REALLY good night's sleep in four days. Maybe it was multiple rounds of flipcup on Sunday, maybe it was sleeping in until the last possible hour in the afternoon before I went to work. but for whatever reason, I feel exhausted. My whole BODY feels tired. I toss and turn at night in the super cold house that i live in, but overheat if I snuggle into my blanket. I look over at my alram clock as it burns in bright red LED lights to tell me, that yes, sucka, you stilla rent asleep, but the rest of the world is. And they will be rested because of course, it's 4am. most people will be stretching lazily like a siamese cat int he afternoon, and saunter over to their coffee makers and brew up a nice Kona coffee blend that they bought at The Beanery and proceed on with their morning where they stop at Starbucks, Au Bon Pain, or Cosi, and get a triple mocha latte with an espresso, and be on their way to their job. I however, toss and turn trying to fall asleep at some point so I can be rested for wok, where I will sit in front of a TV, watch a computer screen, and bleach my skin under flourescent lights for eight hours and fight to stay awake. The Lunesta commercials wills come on, and the green glowing butterfly will remind me of a GOOOOOOOOD drug I have of course never taken, and I will close my eyes and put up my feet on my desk that is too tall for me, to steal a wink while my supervisor goes to a bathroom break. but I will have only that long beofre I will hear the Ominous sounds of the door combination beeping of him coming back into the room. I have not slept, but I wish I could. I am so tired. I envy those of you who can sleep soundly. I have had bags under my eyes since I was twelve. good night, sleep tight. dont worry about the bed bugs. I think They're all here in my bed.

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