Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Probably worst than we thought

The Nats Suck.
Whats worse, is they are far exceeding the level of suckage i thought they would be at. Wheres the hustle out there? I have seen balls drop in for extra bases against the nats that should have been caught, but they just didn't want to run to catch it. Also seeing base runners pull up well short of the base they're running to. cutting short what should be hits for extra bases into nothing. Most of the problems are all baseball fundamentals. Stuff that would get you benched in Little league(which is my favorite heckle now BTW) for screwing up. Stuff that Frank Robinson wouldn't put up with. Watching Livan Hernandez throw a no-no into the sixth on Sunday was awesome too. That was good move to let him go away. I almost wanted to see the no-no after watching the nats do a half-ass job. They weren't even trying to swing the damn bat half the time. Playing what, two rookies in a starting lineup? is a good idea too. long time vets that we had like Alfonso Soriano were waaay overrated i suppose. How did we not even try to trade to get something for him? Is it just me, or does Belliard just LOOK slow and sloppy. Bellaird has no head for second base. He's too damn slow. I mean, remember when Vidro had second on lock down? remember when our defense was actually solid? Our defense is like swiss cheese nowadays. Isn't this the natiaonl league? Isn't this supposed to be the league of low scores and great defensive baseball? The third base coach is killing us. Not sending runners, holding runners at their base, not making runners tag up and run. Man, I do a better job at Third base coach in kickball than this dude does in the major leagues. Why is no one swinging the bat? how many strikeouts did I see where guys watched pitches go by deep into the count, then swing at garbage to hit a foul ball to keep them at the plate? SWING THE DAMN BAT!

Look, Manny Acta, I refuse to call you coach. Frank Robinson was a coach that knew the game of baseball and the strategy involved. When you earn the coach title from me ill call you coach. until then I call you Manny.
I can play second base, but I'm better in the outfield. I can steal bases and know when to run. I offer up my services to the nationals either as third base coach or at second base. last name is Bland, and I like the number 34. Ill be sitting in the 500 sections where kids don't sit so I can cuss you out Manny. I'm ready to play. DO SOMETHING. YOUR PLAN IS NOT WORKING


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Sunday, April 01, 2007

This bar SUX

So yesterday we go over to help Harold and Chrissy move into their new place across from Pentagon City mall. its a pretty sweet corner apartment overlooking Pentagon row. After all the moving, we decide to go to the food court and get some grub and check to see if Champps is busy for the college games yet. An incredible boon happens and tehre is a large table for all of us, and hose who are planning to meet us later (encycloperida red ,and a few others). One razy friend of ours decides that going up to G-town would be a great idea to watch G-town play.
Are you kidding me? georgetown is going to be standing room only, you wont be able to ge a beer, and you really want to party with those yuppie kids that shop at J. Crew and Ambercrombie? Polo shirts with popped collars? That not my scene and neither should any of my friends' scene be that way.
So luckily, he decides to stay and sit at this prefectly huge table and be waited on by a good waiter named shane. we ran a HUGE bar bill but otherwise had a kickass itme. and georgetown lost so it pretty much meant that I had a good time.
Afterwards, we decide to go to a bar that i had saw from Harold and Chrissy's apartment. Now generally, i am pretty good at finding bars regardless if its a bar or not. Now bear with me. this gets good.
Now i've been tellign everyone wwe need to check out this bar that I saw from the window. the tenth floor window. Easily enough, I persuade everyone to follow my lead.
Now which abr is this? encyclopedia asks.
See that DB right there?
yeah, its where I baought my jeans.
Umm, excuse me, where you bought your jeans?
yeah its called denim bar.
Right, but its not a bar? thats crap.
Thats not fair, anythign called "____ bar" should be a bar.
I had eight people followiung me to a Jeans store?!?!??! Fuck.
Denim bar, you assholes, you suck.


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Thursday, March 22, 2007

AND another thing

I was reading my previous blog, because I'm narcissistic like that, and I was thinking...
"ain't that some shit."
See, i was was walking down Pennsylvania the other day with Ramona , and we were walking behind these two la-la-la girls. You know the type. Their current events usually come from the pages of magazines like Us, and People weekly. Their outfits are straight from the pages of Cosmo and Vogue. Sex and the City was for them, a piece of great Americana. Their sunglasses are slightly smaller than the windshields on a city bus. you know the type.
At any rate they were talking, and in mid-sentence this girl stops what she's saying, looks around, and very quietly continues to describe the person she was talking about " a black girl".
I looked at Ramona. she looked at me
"did that shit JUST happen?" she asks me
"holy shit, it did."

Which brings me to my point. why
Why is it when people tell off-color jokes, or just make a comment for that matter, they look around? As if it were not safe to speak of such things. I'm not just talking about inappropriate jokes. I'm like, talking about the guy at work who is **looks around** a black guy. I wasn't saying anything bad. I just had to look around to see if it was safe. People nowadays will look around to finish a sentence more than they will look both ways to cross the damn street!
Which brings me to my second point. why not?
Why does no one do this when saying something completely inappropriate about a Hispanic person? are we not the people from Scarface, MS13, American Me, the fuckers who make your Chipotle burritos delicious? We invented the fucking Colombian necktie and the Cuban cigar fuckers. You better start looking around before you start telling jokes about immigration and migrant farm workers. we get stabby assholes.
All I'm saying is why is that people will get all scared to say the word "black person"? but have NO PROBLEM telling a wetback joke? that's garbage.
Orele Holmes.


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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Vindication. thanks Harold

Please review the following video as sent to me by Harold and his purple crayon:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7841918711943453918

I hate Carlos Mencia. The fact that he is unoriginal as well just tops it off. But he's a Hispanic Comedian and you make those jokes all the time!! you say?
I say of course I do, it's funny. I think it's completely ridiculous that this mofo is making so much money and got a dumb show off of jokes I've been telling and hearing since the day i was born man. I also do not agree with alot of "hispanic" racial jokes anyways. Most "mexican" jokes are things that aren't really "jokes" anyways. Theyre like "When I was a kid we fit so many people in the car" jokes. Those aren't jokes, that shit happened. They're lame. Funny cuz it's true only works SOMETIMES. AND JOKES only workwhen youve heard them the first thousand times. everytime after theat, they get less and less funny. Like what does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts. hahahah. see. not funny anymore.
Further, the whole reason most comics are funny is because its original. ever go see a comic on tv. and think "hey i've heard this one beofre" or at a party and someone tells a joke. and starts off with "stop me if youve heard this one. Chances are he ripped it from someone else and it wont be funny. ewspecially if you already know the punchline.
Carlos Menica is garbage and now I have more reason to hate him. thanks


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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Commercials that Need to Die

Okay, so as many of you know, I have more free time on my hands now most would like. So what does one do with this great gift? Well watch TV of course! So I've compiled a list of segments that can ruin a great half hour of television. In no particular order...

1. Direct TV: the guy is at a speed dating gathering and to every prospective date he starts the conversation with the promising opener, "Do you wanna make $50 the easy way?" But what he doesn't tell the ladies is that by turning them on to Direct TV he gets $50 himself. Yep, operating like a true pimp.

2. Proactiv: doesn't matter which celebrity is plugging this acne reliever, the commercials are always a 5 minute long AA testimonial. The fact that I'm not watching Dukes of Hazzard or Herbie:Fully Loaded probably means that I don't want Jessica Simpson or Lindsay Lohan on my TV.

3. Any NutraSystem commercial: Whether it is the over 40 ladies who are now their husband's "trophy wives", Zora of Joe Millionaire fame saying she is back to her high school weight, or even the footballers who say that their wives, "Don't find them as disgusting as she used to" or "I'm back to my playing weight." And I really don't want to hear any more about the advanced technology of the glycemic index.

4. Bowflex: Although I am bothered my all of the Bowflex commercials there is one that makes me throw up in my mouth a little. He is 49 years old plays in a "rock band" and has a real bowflex body. Plus, it involves one of my major pet peeves, men with shaved heads who have facial hair. Mid-life crisis alert!

5. Jared-the galleria of jewelry: While these commercials have thankfully died since Valentines Day they bothered me enough when they were constantly playing to merit notice. It didn't bother me that people buy jewelry for their significant others, what got to me was that everyone else was impressed, jealous, or spiteful about it. How many emotions can you tie behind, "He went to Jared"?

6. Free Credit Report.com: "I'm thinking of a number between 450 and 850, know what it is, it's my credit score and it happens to be 720. Like any true commercial that practices trickery, the fine print is that "your free credit report is dependent on enrollment in triple advantage" (which of course costs money!)


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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Guess He Should Have Won Them All

Marty Schottenheimer was fired last night after going 14-2 with the San Diego Chargers this year. I have always known than the world of professional sports was one filled with giant egos that clashed often. Usually though, winning and success are the great equalizers. Any amount of friction and ego clashing can be cured if you just win (baby). Look at TO and the Eagles, when the year they made the Super Bowl TO was not a problem. The next year, when they started losing more all of a sudden that whole thing blew up. It happens time and time again, winning usually solves everything. Not in this case though.

Marty Schottenheimer is one of the greatest NFL head football coaches of all time. He took a San Diego team that wasn't doing much of anything and turned them in to winners. He took an unknown running back out of TCU and turned him into a record breaking future hall of famer. He lost Drew Brees and was left with the unproven and young Phillip Rivers and he managed to turn Rivers into a true leader of that football team. Yet the general manager didn't like him. He didn't like the fact that Marty wanted to hire his son as one of his coordinators. You would think with the pedigree that Marty has built throughout the years and with San Diego, he would be entitled to not have his assistant coaching decsions questions. Sadly, that was not the case.

I have no doubt that Marty will go on and continue his successful career. I am also sure that whomever San Diego hires will also do very well, they have too much talent on that team not too. However it is sad that you can have as good a season as Marty did and still be shown the door just because the GM doesn't like you. I can only hope that karma comes back to bite the Chargers.


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