Princess Leia and me

I am writing this blog because no one has believed me, even though Ramona will corroborate my story.

In 1977 on million nerds fell in love. It was all due to one very nerdy movie called "Star Wars" and a beautiful young actress named Carrie fisher. It was three months until I'd be born. Carrie Fisher was 19. I speak of 1977 "Star Wars" Carie Fisher, not 1985 "Return of the Jedi" Carrie Fisher. I understand the fascination with the gold salve girl bikini.

In 1982 i was 5 years old. it was the first time I had seen Star wars. it was the channel 11 movie of the week. and it was awesome. i fell in Love with the cherubic Princess LeiaOrgana, with her full red lips and big coffee brown eyes. I gave her a pass on the silly British accent. By the time Jedi came out, and the salve girl thing with Jabba, I still loved her, though, was sad they went the sexy route, instead of super-cute cherub princess. but true love lasts...as we shall soon learn

fast forward to 20 years. I'm in DC and my girlfriend Ramona asks if i like "when harry met sally", I admit that I have not and we watch it. There she is: expertly slipped in between all the Billy Crystal Meg Ryan talking is my love, Carrie fisher. A bit older but then again, so am I. When Harry met Sally instantly rises into my top five movies. Ramona then tells me about Postcards from the edge. the movie adaptation of an autobiographic-like book by Carrie Fisher. i admit that i have seen parts, but don't really know the whole thing. We watch it, and It rises to just below when harry met sally on my list of favorites.

fast forward 3 years more. My 31st birthday. For my present Ramona presents me with two tickets to "Wishful Drinking", a one woman show written by Carrie Fisher. Essentially it will be postcards from the edge minus Meryl Streep I am told. I'm in for it, we have awesome seats, probably four rows back at the Lincoln Theatre in DC. I have an aisle seat and clear view of the stage.

The curtain rises. there she is. Perhaps older, but hten again, so am I. not 30 yards away stands my crush from when i was only 5 years old. 26 years later and truly, I still have a crush on her. The show, has lots of audience participation, and it is hilarious. If you get a chance to EVER see it, you must.

Just before the 1st act ends, the schpiel is about George Lucas owning her likeness. All the things of which she has been made into. Shampoo bottles, soaps, dolls, and Pez dispensers. Then she brings out the creme de la creme. the Princess Leia Sex doll. the jokes are hilarious. much about go fucking herself and having the ability to do so. She asks for a male volunteer. Its quiet for too long before i hear someone shout "I'll do it" and i realize it's me. I get up to walk up to the stage and i am actually having an out of body experience. I can watch myself walking up the stairs.

She says something about the silly cinnamon bun hair, that i have always loved. And that no one knows what it can be like until one has it on. a wig drops from rafters. She puts it on me. Its feels silly, but I don't care.

I get to read a card taking the house into intermission. I give her a hug and go to return to my seat. But as I hug her, I feel myself falling... She's pulling me down onto one of the couches on stage. She wraps a leg around me. Its something I have dreamed about since age 5. she kisses me full on on the lips. its truly awesome. the curtain goes down.

backstage, she asks to take a picture and asks me if i was a star wars fan. I admit truly I am and tell her i liked Star wars Leia better than Jedi Leia. they take down my email address. I am in bliss.

during intermission people ask if i was a plant by the show.. I admit, i am just a really lucky bastard who got to meet the most ultimate crush of my life. some guy from broadwayworld.com interviews me.

back from intermission Carrie says She has some gummy boobs for me and hopes I don't have them already. I give her one last kiss and return to my seat.

On the way out, i begin to open the package before I read on the back of the box, an autograph:

"to my beloved Josh, Carrie Fisher"

I show ramona,a nd the box stays closed.

best. birthday. ever.

Thanks Baby.. Ramona... not Carrie.

Thanks to Carrie as well.

anyhow, people have told me they didn't believe cuz i had no pictures as of yet, until this weekend, when I got in my email this:

Read more...

Talking Points.. once again

Sometimes.. most times I write articles and essays in my head, but they never get written down on paper or into the computer. This is probably because most times, I have these thoughts away from paper, or my computer. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk around like pretentious writers with little voice recorders, "idea for a movie: two guys walk into a bar, after three hours of having the bartender buy him drinks, he realizes it s a gay bar. hilarity ensues"... ech, can you imagine what people like that must be? anyhow here are some things that have been on my mind for awhile and just haven't gotten around to writing:

1. where the FUCK did summer go? these kids better realize what the hell they're missing out on if they staid inside this year. when you're an adult, summer lasts for 16 days. of the two months available, you only get weekends as an adult... that means two days each. 16 days long. daaaaaamn.. talk about use it or lose it.

2. What the hell California?? I mean, I know we're not known for our awesome public transportation, but how hard can it be??? the damn train is on a track! It's kinda like the Autopia at Disneyland. you get to drive a race car, you even get to steer... until much later in life you realize the damn thing is on a track... really, how hard can it be? is there that many buttons to push on the train to make it stop? red and green right? I seen dolphins push a green button for anchovies.
idea for trains transportation: turn engineer cars into large dolphin tanks. dolphin hits large green button when he sees a green light ahead of track, hits red button when he sees a red light on track. dolphin works for anchovies, and we can charge double for the up-front seats... just like Sea-World.

3. Bailing out wall street? really? these are the smart guys that went to college for MBAs and look down on me because I wasn't a smart kid with a wealthy family? and my tax dollars are keeping these fools in business? bullshit man. In the real world, where real Americans live, we get fired when we fuck up at our jobs. When I cant pay the bills, they shut off the phone. If I cant pay the rent, I become homeless.
btw, it kind of puts things into perspective when you think about it... a banker walking around in New York basically begging for billions to keep him in business standing next to homeless guy asking for some spare change to get a burger.
Who are you looking down on now?

4. Politics- I want change.. real actual change. and I'm not talking just change of policy. I'm talking about real actual change in how politics in America works. I think Obama started off right, by being the man for real change... but more and more he sounds like every politician that came before him.
"I'm not This guy, The guy running against me is alot LIKE This guy, so vote for me."
Obama had an opportunity to be for actual political change in America. McCain is playing the politics game as well, and its clear that i dont wan to vote for either.
I think its clear Americans are sick of how politics are conducted in this country, and I'm pretty sure EVERYONE in congress is out of touch because its pretty much business as usual in the alabaster city on the hill.

5. National baseball- i needed to end on a light note.Well, yea r four here in Dc and they have gotten worse. At the time of this article, our Natties are close to the dubious dishonor of 100 loss season. People say we were plagued by poor players and injuries. Hogwash. LA Dodgers just clinched their division. we swept them when they came to DC, and it was convincing wins as well. I was at the game where the NAtties scored 11 run and held the dodgers to just 2 runs. I think whats killing my natties, besides injuries is bad management. Jim Bowden traded away the best pitcher in Jon rauch for near next to nothing. We couldn't sign our 1st round draft pick. we seem to give away good players for peanuts and make useless deals. I will say That Guzman signing was good because he has finally turned into the player they thought they were getting from Minnesota. and our All-Star as well. I don't understand the prices at Nationals Ball park. I understand league average prices... but i also understand our team is the worst team in baseball. I KNOW people only go to the games to see the other team play most of the time. So if you have the most less than average team, should youre prices be the most less than average? seriously, 5 dollar tickets next year. you fuckers are making it hard to be a fan.
OH YEAAH??? whats this shit about you guys not wanting to pay youre rent??? Fuck you LERNER. The people of DC paid for that thing and you owe us big. It's not like youre an American institution like the Yanks, Red Sox, Dodgers, or Cubs. It's not youre stadium. It's mine. so pay the fucking rent and give me cheap seats ya dick, or we're taking the AMTRAK to Camden next year.

That is all. carry-on

Read more...